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"Something a bit different - a childs story please read!"

Hi guys again, I am quite nervous of posting this on here but I thought you needed something a little light hearted and different to the usual short stories!

This is what I dream of doing one day writing stories for little kids in poetry form.. so please read and open the inner kid inside.. and constructive critism please?? ok! Love ginge x


Quiet Little Boy.

In a quiet little village
In a quiet little place
Lives a quite little boy
Who is fascinated by space

On a clear quiet night
He would lay on the grass
Gazing ahead and counting the stars

With a pair of binoculars
For as far as he could see
He’d calculate and navigate
The whole galaxy

From the edge, to the edge, of the edge
Of the night
He’d uncover and discover
With such delight

That when he shut his eyes
He would dream
Of riding shooting stars
Bright orange and green

He’d bounce and pounce on the
Side of the moon
And watch the fiery glow
Of planet Neptune

He could play with Martians
On a planet called Mars
And teach them football and baseball
And how to play cards

And teach them of earth
And its oceans and mountains
And all of the good things
Like sweeties and family outings

He could sail on a boat
On the Milky Way
While eating cookies
And drinking lemonade

Watching comets and meteorites
As big as the lands
He could smile and wave
At passing spaceman

Then drift back to the night
And lay on the grass
Just gazing ahead
And counting the stars

For in a quiet little village
In a quiet little place
Lives a quiet little boy
Who is fascinated by space!

Flockhart wrote:
> Take a look at everyone else's comment and then ask who the clown
> is.
> Violence is not my way, but i'm willing to play that game i'm well
> practiced in it.

Bless

Lil Ginge wrote:
> How could a POEM FOR CHILDREN corrupt such madness....
>
>
> If this is what my work brings maybe I should re evaluate 'giving' to
> children!!

My madness was false, I just like manipulating people into a petty state of distress.

I was joking Claire, I quite liked it but there was one line that just didn't quite fit with the rhythmn. I imagined a few little crayon drawings with vivid shades of purple and orange and cute little semi-stick men.

You'll be a children's author one day, I know it. I have to admit I prefer your more adult stuff but that's probably because I fit into the target audience, but as a kid this poem/story would have cradled my vivid little imagination and caused some hardcore literary swooning.

"For as far as he could see
He’d calculate and navigate
The whole galaxy"

Felt a little forced, trips after whole. Add another word?

"For as far as he could see
He’d calculate and navigate
The whole wide galaxy"

(obviously not wide, but it makes it flow a little better IMHO)

Oh, and your poem is very "cute".

How could a POEM FOR CHILDREN corrupt such madness....


If this is what my work brings maybe I should re evaluate 'giving' to children!!

Flockhart you silly fool. Couldn't you see he (and I) were joking?
Christ..

I want to put an end to this argument because it has taken the attention off the poem.

Flockhart wrote:
> Take a look at everyone else's comment and then ask who the clown
> is.
> Violence is not my way, but i'm willing to play that game i'm well
> practiced in it.


Sounded like a personal threat to me! ;-P




Hehe. Don't take it too seriously.
I know you were joking, I was just teasing. I'm sure you didn't REALLY want to beat up Paradox for what he said! :-)


Or did you? ;-)

Strafio wrote:
> Ah, that was as a means to defend themselves from aggression, not as
> an expression of anger! ;-)
This was not about me

>
> One aim of enlightenment is to drop the ego, in that your actions
> work for the best of everyone, rather than on the whim of your
> personal feelings.
This was not about me