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"Something a bit different - a childs story please read!"

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Wed 07/04/04 at 21:35
Regular
"Light of the world"
Posts: 4,763
Hi guys again, I am quite nervous of posting this on here but I thought you needed something a little light hearted and different to the usual short stories!

This is what I dream of doing one day writing stories for little kids in poetry form.. so please read and open the inner kid inside.. and constructive critism please?? ok! Love ginge x


Quiet Little Boy.

In a quiet little village
In a quiet little place
Lives a quite little boy
Who is fascinated by space

On a clear quiet night
He would lay on the grass
Gazing ahead and counting the stars

With a pair of binoculars
For as far as he could see
He’d calculate and navigate
The whole galaxy

From the edge, to the edge, of the edge
Of the night
He’d uncover and discover
With such delight

That when he shut his eyes
He would dream
Of riding shooting stars
Bright orange and green

He’d bounce and pounce on the
Side of the moon
And watch the fiery glow
Of planet Neptune

He could play with Martians
On a planet called Mars
And teach them football and baseball
And how to play cards

And teach them of earth
And its oceans and mountains
And all of the good things
Like sweeties and family outings

He could sail on a boat
On the Milky Way
While eating cookies
And drinking lemonade

Watching comets and meteorites
As big as the lands
He could smile and wave
At passing spaceman

Then drift back to the night
And lay on the grass
Just gazing ahead
And counting the stars

For in a quiet little village
In a quiet little place
Lives a quiet little boy
Who is fascinated by space!
Wed 21/04/04 at 18:40
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
Lil Ginge wrote:
> pb wrote:
> Nice poem, get the scan right and it will be perfect for kids.
>
> The scan???
>
> that probably made me sound stupid but could you explan please :) O
> and thankyou :)

basically how evenly it is laid out, consistant rhythmn so the lines, or at least rhyming ones, have the same amount of sylables in. This is assuming it is poetry - as it makes it easy to read. If its a rhyming story it's not that important.
Wed 21/04/04 at 18:35
Regular
"www.bloodbanx.com"
Posts: 1,174
the layout suggest poem the text suggest story and so does the title.

what is it?
Wed 21/04/04 at 18:21
Regular
"Light of the world"
Posts: 4,763
pb wrote:
> Nice poem, get the scan right and it will be perfect for kids.

The scan???

that probably made me sound stupid but could you explan please :) O and thankyou :)
Wed 21/04/04 at 18:14
Moderator
"possibly impossible"
Posts: 24,985
Nice poem, get the scan right and it will be perfect for kids.
Wed 21/04/04 at 16:40
Regular
"Notable"
Posts: 4,558
Ha

:D
Wed 21/04/04 at 16:40
Regular
"Light of the world"
Posts: 4,763
o my ..g..

i am ginge

The one with zero gameadays?? NO LONGER!

*opens champagne*
Wed 21/04/04 at 16:37
Regular
"bei-jing-jing-jing"
Posts: 7,403
Just read it now, it's superb well done Ginge.
Wed 21/04/04 at 16:32
Regular
"Notable"
Posts: 4,558
Deserved to.

IMHO

Look at all the cool storys and poems winning instead of Reviews nowadays.

*Smug*
Wed 21/04/04 at 16:30
Regular
Posts: 20,776
Lil Ginge won a GAD!
Sat 10/04/04 at 16:07
Regular
Posts: 15,681
T'was work experience a few years back. He made a cool 15 second animation.

Was funny :D

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