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It's a goldmine of offensive one liners, and superb dry humour. Let's have your favourite Alan quotes.
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AP: "I'm not buying a Mini Metro. Go on Lynn, i'll jus**t talk over you."
Lynn: "But Alan the Min...."
AP: "I'M NOT BUYING A MINI METRO, I'M NOT BUYING A MINI METRO...I'M NOT BUYING A MINI METRO"
*-------*
"That man has no dignity."
*-----*
"You're a disgrace."
*-----*
"French people chomp on onions and say ohee oieee haw. That's not racis**t - that's a fact."
*----*
Michael: "Hey Mr Partridge, there's a little Japanese fella s**till s**tuck down here from the war"
AP: "You daft racis**t."
*----*
AP (in a dalek voice): "Tea or coffee? Tea or coffee? Three teas please. You blond b*s**tard!"
*----*
"Yeah, give me a second series, you sh*t"
Lynn: "But Alan the Min...."
AP: "I'M NOT BUYING A MINI METRO, I'M NOT BUYING A MINI METRO...I'M NOT BUYING A MINI METRO"
*-------*
"That man has no dignity."
*-----*
"You're a disgrace."
*-----*
"French people chomp on onions and say ohee oieee haw. That's not racis**t - that's a fact."
*----*
Michael: "Hey Mr Partridge, there's a little Japanese fella s**till s**tuck down here from the war"
AP: "You daft racis**t."
*----*
AP (in a dalek voice): "Tea or coffee? Tea or coffee? Three teas please. You blond b*s**tard!"
*----*
"Yeah, give me a second series, you sh*t"
Goatboy wrote:
> "Alan, you can't!"
> "You said it again!"
"Jus**t because I've got a sh*t table!"
> "Alan, you can't!"
> "You said it again!"
"Jus**t because I've got a sh*t table!"
"Not literally - that would be hideous."
*---*
"Knowing me, Alan Partridge, sacking you Glen Ponder, a-ha!"
*-----*
"You're a bloke? I kissed you! I should have known - you have great flapping hands, like a goalkeeper!"
*----*
"I think I'll have a pint of bitter!"
*---*
"Knowing me, Alan Partridge, sacking you Glen Ponder, a-ha!"
*-----*
"You're a bloke? I kissed you! I should have known - you have great flapping hands, like a goalkeeper!"
*----*
"I think I'll have a pint of bitter!"
"Alan, you can't!"
"You said it again!"
"You said it again!"
"Would you mind being angry down the centre of the table?"
"It's just an army saying. Go on Michael, give us another"
"Ay alright...ah...KILL KILL STAB TWIST KILL!"
"Ay alright...ah...KILL KILL STAB TWIST KILL!"
"Monkey tennis?"
"Cooking in prison."
"Youth hosteling with Chris Eubank."
"Cooking in prison."
"Youth hosteling with Chris Eubank."
"wh....wh.....who do you think you are?"
AP: "Now, bearing in mind that Pete and Bernie's philosophical steakhouse is CLOSED, what's the title of your display?"
Dress designer: "The futility of mortality."
AP: "Why do I bother?"
*--------*
"Women. What are they?"
*--------*
"STOP GETTING BOND WRONG!"
*---------*
"ALAN, ALAN, ALAN, ALAN, ALAN, ALAN! MY NAME IS ALAN!"
*---------*
AP: "Let's forget about all this business. Hmm...there's a nice bit of cheese. Would you like to smell it?"
BBC Exec. : "No, Alan. I wouldn't."
AP: (picks up massive piece of cheese on fork) "Smell my cheese. SMELL MY CHEESE YOU MOTHER!" (shoves cheese into Exec's face and runs out of the restaurant)
Dress designer: "The futility of mortality."
AP: "Why do I bother?"
*--------*
"Women. What are they?"
*--------*
"STOP GETTING BOND WRONG!"
*---------*
"ALAN, ALAN, ALAN, ALAN, ALAN, ALAN! MY NAME IS ALAN!"
*---------*
AP: "Let's forget about all this business. Hmm...there's a nice bit of cheese. Would you like to smell it?"
BBC Exec. : "No, Alan. I wouldn't."
AP: (picks up massive piece of cheese on fork) "Smell my cheese. SMELL MY CHEESE YOU MOTHER!" (shoves cheese into Exec's face and runs out of the restaurant)
"my peephole pringle is modelled on an SAS balaclava"
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