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It's a goldmine of offensive one liners, and superb dry humour. Let's have your favourite Alan quotes.
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*alan stands at hotel intercom*
"hello, erm, i'm a communist, with a gun - can i come in and set fire to your staff?"
*hotel gate opens*
"unbelievable"
at least it was something like that.
"hello, erm, i'm a communist, with a gun - can i come in and set fire to your staff?"
*hotel gate opens*
"unbelievable"
at least it was something like that.
"s**t happens"
*alan falls off back of settee*
*alan stands up laughing ecstatically*
*alan falls off back of settee*
*alan stands up laughing ecstatically*
"No offence Lynn, but-"
"Oh none taken"
"But you haven't heard what I've said yet! At least let me finish. No offence Lynn, but technically your life isn't worth insuring"
"Oh none taken"
"But you haven't heard what I've said yet! At least let me finish. No offence Lynn, but technically your life isn't worth insuring"
Alright Trev, how're ya doin?
No-one's mentioned the classic:
"Dan... Dan... Dan... Dan..." used gleefully across the country by any office with a staff member called Dan in it (like wot we have here)!
No-one's mentioned the classic:
"Dan... Dan... Dan... Dan..." used gleefully across the country by any office with a staff member called Dan in it (like wot we have here)!
talking to Lynn
"you couldn't host a cat"
(i think that close)
"you couldn't host a cat"
(i think that close)
"I'm going nowhere Lynn .... quite literally .... I'm on the ring road. Just popped into B&Q for a packet of tungsten tipped screws. Never gonna use em Lynn ..... Never gonna use em ...."
"Maybe those people were caught short"
"They do it on purpose Lynn!"
"Lynn that is not a peniss"
"It's the best I could do"
"It's tapered at the end - it looks like a mouse's head!"
"How would you commit suicide in Starbuck's?"
"Shotgun in the mooth, like this"
"You have wet t-shirt contest videos"
"It's a little more sophisticated than that, Alan"
"It's called Titsnade Zoo"
"Perhaps we can have a barbecue"
"No, no fires on the forecourt"
"It's political correctness gone mad"
"They do it on purpose Lynn!"
"Lynn that is not a peniss"
"It's the best I could do"
"It's tapered at the end - it looks like a mouse's head!"
"How would you commit suicide in Starbuck's?"
"Shotgun in the mooth, like this"
"You have wet t-shirt contest videos"
"It's a little more sophisticated than that, Alan"
"It's called Titsnade Zoo"
"Perhaps we can have a barbecue"
"No, no fires on the forecourt"
"It's political correctness gone mad"
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> (At a funeral)
>
> "Have you got a battery for an Ericsson?"
(to the widow)
"were you close?"
> (At a funeral)
>
> "Have you got a battery for an Ericsson?"
(to the widow)
"were you close?"
(At a funeral)
"Have you got a battery for an Ericsson?"
"Have you got a battery for an Ericsson?"
"In off the red!"
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