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Whats wrong with me?
I can't find contentment, and worse, I what it is in my life that is wrong.
I used to believe that all we had to do was to put our faith in God. I used to believe that I had a space inside me that was God shaped, and that when I truely believed in God I would be Happy. I don't believe so any more. I've been deluding myself. There is no god, and if there is a god, there is no love for me.
I thought that being in love would make me happy. When I was younger I would stare at myself in the mirror and think to myself, If only somebody would kiss me I would be happy forever. If only someone loved me I would be vindicated in this life.
I found someone to love me. So why am I crying everyday. Why do I get bored even when my love is with me. He doesn't make me happy, I make him sad. I make him desperate because there is nothing he can do to stop me crying.
I'm bored all the time. I have no interest in anything I do. TV, Video games, DVDs, Music, Books. I buy and buy in the hope that one of these things will lift my boredom, give me a purpose, and for a time I find a new game or TV seris, or a book that distracts me. 40 hours of Final Fantasy fantasy or Buffy the Vampire Slayer later I'm left with nothing. I've invested my time into a fantasy that isn't real.
So someone please tell me, what are we here for. What is the point in this life. We live and We die. A small handful of us do something worthwhile behind. A mark on the world. But even then we still die. We are still dead, and we have nothing.
I can't find contentment, and worse, I what it is in my life that is wrong.
I used to believe that all we had to do was to put our faith in God. I used to believe that I had a space inside me that was God shaped, and that when I truely believed in God I would be Happy. I don't believe so any more. I've been deluding myself. There is no god, and if there is a god, there is no love for me.
I thought that being in love would make me happy. When I was younger I would stare at myself in the mirror and think to myself, If only somebody would kiss me I would be happy forever. If only someone loved me I would be vindicated in this life.
I found someone to love me. So why am I crying everyday. Why do I get bored even when my love is with me. He doesn't make me happy, I make him sad. I make him desperate because there is nothing he can do to stop me crying.
I'm bored all the time. I have no interest in anything I do. TV, Video games, DVDs, Music, Books. I buy and buy in the hope that one of these things will lift my boredom, give me a purpose, and for a time I find a new game or TV seris, or a book that distracts me. 40 hours of Final Fantasy fantasy or Buffy the Vampire Slayer later I'm left with nothing. I've invested my time into a fantasy that isn't real.
So someone please tell me, what are we here for. What is the point in this life. We live and We die. A small handful of us do something worthwhile behind. A mark on the world. But even then we still die. We are still dead, and we have nothing.
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This is one of the best threads I've been in for a while.
Probably because theres so much coming from everyone.
Probably because theres so much coming from everyone.
RosaIind wrote:
> Wow, I'm struggling to keep up with this thread.
Just skip to the funny bits, that way you get all the laughs without having to wade through the psycho-babble.
> Wow, I'm struggling to keep up with this thread.
Just skip to the funny bits, that way you get all the laughs without having to wade through the psycho-babble.
Wow, I'm struggling to keep up with this thread.
FantasyMeister wrote:
> If Rosalind turns into a guitar playing poet spouting hippy I'm
> blaming Grix the kitten killer.
They could be like ... twins!
(all be it, completely unrelated, non identical twins).
Meh.
> If Rosalind turns into a guitar playing poet spouting hippy I'm
> blaming Grix the kitten killer.
They could be like ... twins!
(all be it, completely unrelated, non identical twins).
Meh.
If Rosalind turns into a guitar playing poet spouting hippy I'm blaming Grix the kitten killer.
Grix, that makes me think.
All my life I have made what I thought was the right choice. At school I was the only one that took all the academic choices for GCSEs. everyone else picked a subject like technology or drama. I looked at my top grades for GCSEs and picked my A-Levels subjects to corrispond. I went to university and did a degree in the subject I was best at in my A-Levels. Now I've taken the next logical step. I'm doing a PhD. I though that this whas what I should do. I never once questioned it.
I often think that the Ogre was a bit silly. he did a degree in Archeology even though he didn't want to be an archeologist, because he thought it would be interesting. It wasn't his fault he was wrong about that.
I have a huge creative side that I have supressed in order to concentrate on being a scientist. I used play many instruments. Write stories and poetry. Make jewellery and Handmade Cards. I don't do any of that anymore. I go home from work and get bored. Maybe its time I re thought about my life.
Thanks Grix.
All my life I have made what I thought was the right choice. At school I was the only one that took all the academic choices for GCSEs. everyone else picked a subject like technology or drama. I looked at my top grades for GCSEs and picked my A-Levels subjects to corrispond. I went to university and did a degree in the subject I was best at in my A-Levels. Now I've taken the next logical step. I'm doing a PhD. I though that this whas what I should do. I never once questioned it.
I often think that the Ogre was a bit silly. he did a degree in Archeology even though he didn't want to be an archeologist, because he thought it would be interesting. It wasn't his fault he was wrong about that.
I have a huge creative side that I have supressed in order to concentrate on being a scientist. I used play many instruments. Write stories and poetry. Make jewellery and Handmade Cards. I don't do any of that anymore. I go home from work and get bored. Maybe its time I re thought about my life.
Thanks Grix.
in the last 24 hours?
...
...
OMG! How many kittens have I killed!
Everyone goes through this feeling sooner or later in their lives where you just question existance and ask if it is really worth it.
Just consider yourself you are lucky that you are alive and do something, anything, that will allow your name to live on after you die. Try writing, songs, poetry and stories about your emotions or just geneally about whatever you want. I write a lot nowadays and I find that I understand myself alot better for it. If you explain exactly how you feel in writing it makes things alot easier for yourself and gets rid of that tangled up "I dunno whats wrong with me" feeling inside.
I really hope you sort things out :-)
Just consider yourself you are lucky that you are alive and do something, anything, that will allow your name to live on after you die. Try writing, songs, poetry and stories about your emotions or just geneally about whatever you want. I write a lot nowadays and I find that I understand myself alot better for it. If you explain exactly how you feel in writing it makes things alot easier for yourself and gets rid of that tangled up "I dunno whats wrong with me" feeling inside.
I really hope you sort things out :-)
Here's something that just made me burst out loud laughing and at the same time made me feel terrible.
http://www.tom-williams.co.uk/BCCC_kitten.jpg
http://www.tom-williams.co.uk/BCCC_kitten.jpg
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