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"Life and the boredom it brings"

Whats wrong with me?

I can't find contentment, and worse, I what it is in my life that is wrong.

I used to believe that all we had to do was to put our faith in God. I used to believe that I had a space inside me that was God shaped, and that when I truely believed in God I would be Happy. I don't believe so any more. I've been deluding myself. There is no god, and if there is a god, there is no love for me.

I thought that being in love would make me happy. When I was younger I would stare at myself in the mirror and think to myself, If only somebody would kiss me I would be happy forever. If only someone loved me I would be vindicated in this life.

I found someone to love me. So why am I crying everyday. Why do I get bored even when my love is with me. He doesn't make me happy, I make him sad. I make him desperate because there is nothing he can do to stop me crying.

I'm bored all the time. I have no interest in anything I do. TV, Video games, DVDs, Music, Books. I buy and buy in the hope that one of these things will lift my boredom, give me a purpose, and for a time I find a new game or TV seris, or a book that distracts me. 40 hours of Final Fantasy fantasy or Buffy the Vampire Slayer later I'm left with nothing. I've invested my time into a fantasy that isn't real.

So someone please tell me, what are we here for. What is the point in this life. We live and We die. A small handful of us do something worthwhile behind. A mark on the world. But even then we still die. We are still dead, and we have nothing.

I'm getting more and more angry sitting here thinking of that feckless banshee waiting indoors for another evening of silence and barely contained loathing.

I'm going to remove myself from here for a while, smoke and calm down

Mr Lover Man wrote:

>
> Just becuase you've grown up though doesn't mean you can't talk to
> your parents

I do talk to her, she just doesn't have the capacity to make everything okay anymore, because everything is not within her control now. She does help, but when we were children (and I mean young children) our mums could put everything right.

I've met far too many people my own age
> who try to act like they are "adults" and how
> "adults" should be perceived.

I do anything but atempt to be an adult. I attempt to be childish. It doesn't work. Adult things are thrust upon us at all times.

(relating to 6 month contracts)

I know this may sound like it's coming from an immature mind, but is wasting 6 months of your life really worth whatever if would cost to leave the contract.

I say leave now, do whatever you must to cancel the contract. Because 6 months down the line, you'll regret the waste of precious time like hell.

6 months is a long time....

[My last comment was to the other bit before]

Well, stick it out. Just do what you enjoy doing, because that's what you'd be doing if you were alone anyway. Except seduce and destroy, and all... :0)

And anyone can give advice. We all mature in other places faster than others do... we all have our strengths in what we learn in life and our weaknesses, and we really can all learn so much from each other. So don't be afraid to speak your mind.

RosaIind wrote:
> What I miss most about being a child is being able to tell my mum all
> my worries, and for her to be able to make it all better right there
> an the spot.
>


Just becuase you've grown up though doesn't mean you can't talk to your parents (If they're still alive, forgive me otherwise), my Mum's still there for me when ever I need her, or need a hug, and that can make anything feel better in an instant.

Going back to childhood experinces such as christmas etc, we never grow up unless we choose to. I've met far too many people my own age who try to act like they are "adults" and how "adults" should be perceived. I have all the responsability I.E Mortgage, full time job, Fiance, Car etc but that still doesn't stop me from being a kid...I defy the concept of growing up, as in our hearts it doesn't exist!

Goatboy wrote:
> A 6 month rental contract is keeping me there.
> That's it.

I guess you will be leaving in 6 months then.

unknown kernel wrote:
I'm not trying to have a go at you and I'm certainly not in a position
> to comment on your situation, but depression, clinical depression,
> isn't really like that. It's a sadness that you can't just snap out
> of. I suffered from depression for 18 months and I'm only just coming
> out of it now.
---

I agree.
She's on anti-depressants etc. If we had been together for a long time and this happened, I'd be a lot more understanding.
But taking a risk and just diving in together after knowing each other for 4 weeks makes me think "Actually, I'm not sure I can bothered to deal with your crap".

If I wasn't tied to a rental agreement, I'd be gone in a shot.
Life is too short to spend with strangers that make you unhappy

RosaIind wrote:
> What I miss most about being a child is being able to tell my mum all
> my worries, and for her to be able to make it all better right there
> an the spot.
>
> *nostalgic*

Lucky old you, unfortunately, I can't tell my folks anything.

My dad is a patronising ... person. And my mum, for some reason, I don't trust her with stuff like that.

Thank God I have friends.

Heh, no worries man, it's understandable.

A 6 month rental contract is keeping me there.
That's it.