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Whats wrong with me?
I can't find contentment, and worse, I what it is in my life that is wrong.
I used to believe that all we had to do was to put our faith in God. I used to believe that I had a space inside me that was God shaped, and that when I truely believed in God I would be Happy. I don't believe so any more. I've been deluding myself. There is no god, and if there is a god, there is no love for me.
I thought that being in love would make me happy. When I was younger I would stare at myself in the mirror and think to myself, If only somebody would kiss me I would be happy forever. If only someone loved me I would be vindicated in this life.
I found someone to love me. So why am I crying everyday. Why do I get bored even when my love is with me. He doesn't make me happy, I make him sad. I make him desperate because there is nothing he can do to stop me crying.
I'm bored all the time. I have no interest in anything I do. TV, Video games, DVDs, Music, Books. I buy and buy in the hope that one of these things will lift my boredom, give me a purpose, and for a time I find a new game or TV seris, or a book that distracts me. 40 hours of Final Fantasy fantasy or Buffy the Vampire Slayer later I'm left with nothing. I've invested my time into a fantasy that isn't real.
So someone please tell me, what are we here for. What is the point in this life. We live and We die. A small handful of us do something worthwhile behind. A mark on the world. But even then we still die. We are still dead, and we have nothing.
I can't find contentment, and worse, I what it is in my life that is wrong.
I used to believe that all we had to do was to put our faith in God. I used to believe that I had a space inside me that was God shaped, and that when I truely believed in God I would be Happy. I don't believe so any more. I've been deluding myself. There is no god, and if there is a god, there is no love for me.
I thought that being in love would make me happy. When I was younger I would stare at myself in the mirror and think to myself, If only somebody would kiss me I would be happy forever. If only someone loved me I would be vindicated in this life.
I found someone to love me. So why am I crying everyday. Why do I get bored even when my love is with me. He doesn't make me happy, I make him sad. I make him desperate because there is nothing he can do to stop me crying.
I'm bored all the time. I have no interest in anything I do. TV, Video games, DVDs, Music, Books. I buy and buy in the hope that one of these things will lift my boredom, give me a purpose, and for a time I find a new game or TV seris, or a book that distracts me. 40 hours of Final Fantasy fantasy or Buffy the Vampire Slayer later I'm left with nothing. I've invested my time into a fantasy that isn't real.
So someone please tell me, what are we here for. What is the point in this life. We live and We die. A small handful of us do something worthwhile behind. A mark on the world. But even then we still die. We are still dead, and we have nothing.
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I just want something really exciting to happen in my life...something really cool that will brighten up my life and make it worth living. Yeah I have ambitions, including one really big one that dominates my thoughts at the moment, but at the moment I'm just trying to get through every day...
And everytime I think something's gonna happen, it's cruelly taken away from me...and I'll pretend to be okay, but inside it's killing me.
I'm always hoping something will happen, and to be honest, I'm concentrating less on coursework/revision etc. to try and make things happen, so in reality it could end up ruining me. I'm probably talking a load of crap here but I'm confused with certain other people, my faith etc. I'm worried, because I used to be a really enthusiastic Christian and I felt like God was doing things all the time for me...lately I haven't felt that way, apart from 1-2 hours a week at my Youth Group. And the reason I feel this way is because...well, I'm bored and depressed a lot of the time. Only rarely do I have something to look forward to, a couple of days or so with a certain person, but it's over all too quickly...and then it's back to life.
But anyway...enough droning on about me, this is Ros' topic after all...I'm not sure I can help though because you appear to have what I think I need, and you're still unhappy...but we're all different people, I suppose. I have accepted that life is really crappy thanks to my beliefs, and I reckon it'll all be worth it in the end, but since you seem to have lost those beliefs I'm not sure what to say. Take Grix's advice, he probably knows better than me. {:)
And everytime I think something's gonna happen, it's cruelly taken away from me...and I'll pretend to be okay, but inside it's killing me.
I'm always hoping something will happen, and to be honest, I'm concentrating less on coursework/revision etc. to try and make things happen, so in reality it could end up ruining me. I'm probably talking a load of crap here but I'm confused with certain other people, my faith etc. I'm worried, because I used to be a really enthusiastic Christian and I felt like God was doing things all the time for me...lately I haven't felt that way, apart from 1-2 hours a week at my Youth Group. And the reason I feel this way is because...well, I'm bored and depressed a lot of the time. Only rarely do I have something to look forward to, a couple of days or so with a certain person, but it's over all too quickly...and then it's back to life.
But anyway...enough droning on about me, this is Ros' topic after all...I'm not sure I can help though because you appear to have what I think I need, and you're still unhappy...but we're all different people, I suppose. I have accepted that life is really crappy thanks to my beliefs, and I reckon it'll all be worth it in the end, but since you seem to have lost those beliefs I'm not sure what to say. Take Grix's advice, he probably knows better than me. {:)
Nah, that's completely true. :0)
In the end, what you put in to life, you get out.
..you can hit me now if you want...
..you can hit me now if you want...
Money's a beetch. I'm sure we're all capable of making a hell of a lot of money... no idea how, mind.
Carry on paying £280 rent per month and get somewhere else.
And how do I eat/pay bills/petrol/fags etc?
Sure sure
*waves magic money hand*
Now I can afford to rent 2 places!
And how do I eat/pay bills/petrol/fags etc?
Sure sure
*waves magic money hand*
Now I can afford to rent 2 places!
...I love you guys....
{:-|
Er, it just came out....
{:-|
Er, it just came out....
Goatboy wrote:
>
> Sure.
> And forfeit my deposit and still have to pay because I didnt give 2
> months notice before announcing my intention to leave.
>
> Does anyone here actually rent/own a place? It's not that easy.
I rent. I didn't mean don't pay. I meant carrying on paying but move somewhere else. If your still paying for the place then the landlord can't take your deposit surely. Then give your 2 months notice, two months before your contract expires.
Thats how it works up here.
>
> Sure.
> And forfeit my deposit and still have to pay because I didnt give 2
> months notice before announcing my intention to leave.
>
> Does anyone here actually rent/own a place? It's not that easy.
I rent. I didn't mean don't pay. I meant carrying on paying but move somewhere else. If your still paying for the place then the landlord can't take your deposit surely. Then give your 2 months notice, two months before your contract expires.
Thats how it works up here.
[Sorry, off subject] :)
Well... I guess you do need someone more mature than you have right now. *shrugs* It's down to you in the end, good luck, whatever you do. You have to love someone for who they are, good and bad. If you can't do that, then you need someone else. Maaybee... Heh, who knows.
Well... I guess you do need someone more mature than you have right now. *shrugs* It's down to you in the end, good luck, whatever you do. You have to love someone for who they are, good and bad. If you can't do that, then you need someone else. Maaybee... Heh, who knows.
RosaIind wrote:
> Like phuzzy suggested, couldn't you just move out. Sod the contract.
---
Sure.
And forfeit my deposit and still have to pay because I didnt give 2 months notice before announcing my intention to leave.
Does anyone here actually rent/own a place? It's not that easy.
> Like phuzzy suggested, couldn't you just move out. Sod the contract.
---
Sure.
And forfeit my deposit and still have to pay because I didnt give 2 months notice before announcing my intention to leave.
Does anyone here actually rent/own a place? It's not that easy.
Ah, I bought 12 Angry Men the other day, should watch that tonight.
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