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Whats wrong with me?
I can't find contentment, and worse, I what it is in my life that is wrong.
I used to believe that all we had to do was to put our faith in God. I used to believe that I had a space inside me that was God shaped, and that when I truely believed in God I would be Happy. I don't believe so any more. I've been deluding myself. There is no god, and if there is a god, there is no love for me.
I thought that being in love would make me happy. When I was younger I would stare at myself in the mirror and think to myself, If only somebody would kiss me I would be happy forever. If only someone loved me I would be vindicated in this life.
I found someone to love me. So why am I crying everyday. Why do I get bored even when my love is with me. He doesn't make me happy, I make him sad. I make him desperate because there is nothing he can do to stop me crying.
I'm bored all the time. I have no interest in anything I do. TV, Video games, DVDs, Music, Books. I buy and buy in the hope that one of these things will lift my boredom, give me a purpose, and for a time I find a new game or TV seris, or a book that distracts me. 40 hours of Final Fantasy fantasy or Buffy the Vampire Slayer later I'm left with nothing. I've invested my time into a fantasy that isn't real.
So someone please tell me, what are we here for. What is the point in this life. We live and We die. A small handful of us do something worthwhile behind. A mark on the world. But even then we still die. We are still dead, and we have nothing.
I can't find contentment, and worse, I what it is in my life that is wrong.
I used to believe that all we had to do was to put our faith in God. I used to believe that I had a space inside me that was God shaped, and that when I truely believed in God I would be Happy. I don't believe so any more. I've been deluding myself. There is no god, and if there is a god, there is no love for me.
I thought that being in love would make me happy. When I was younger I would stare at myself in the mirror and think to myself, If only somebody would kiss me I would be happy forever. If only someone loved me I would be vindicated in this life.
I found someone to love me. So why am I crying everyday. Why do I get bored even when my love is with me. He doesn't make me happy, I make him sad. I make him desperate because there is nothing he can do to stop me crying.
I'm bored all the time. I have no interest in anything I do. TV, Video games, DVDs, Music, Books. I buy and buy in the hope that one of these things will lift my boredom, give me a purpose, and for a time I find a new game or TV seris, or a book that distracts me. 40 hours of Final Fantasy fantasy or Buffy the Vampire Slayer later I'm left with nothing. I've invested my time into a fantasy that isn't real.
So someone please tell me, what are we here for. What is the point in this life. We live and We die. A small handful of us do something worthwhile behind. A mark on the world. But even then we still die. We are still dead, and we have nothing.
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RosaIind wrote:
> VenomByte wrote:
> Clearly you don't have the toned wrist that the average male does.
>
> Heh, Its either that or the arthritis :oÞ
Who has your name? The "I" is irritating me.
> VenomByte wrote:
> Clearly you don't have the toned wrist that the average male does.
>
> Heh, Its either that or the arthritis :oÞ
Who has your name? The "I" is irritating me.
VenomByte wrote:
> Clearly you don't have the toned wrist that the average male does.
Heh, Its either that or the arthritis :oÞ
> Clearly you don't have the toned wrist that the average male does.
Heh, Its either that or the arthritis :oÞ
Paul, we SHALL come see you, I promise. Someday. Mmmm... :0)
It's odd. I used to be so scared of failure... but now... I don't really care... Maybe I'm just used to it. :0)
It's odd. I used to be so scared of failure... but now... I don't really care... Maybe I'm just used to it. :0)
On the subject of the original post, the only things really motivating me are unrealistic hopes, and fear of failure.
Clearly you don't have the toned wrist that the average male does.
I bought a yo-yo about a month ago. It was great fun.
Unfortunatly my wrists won't hold up to using it anymore.
Unfortunatly my wrists won't hold up to using it anymore.
I am very often in a phase of either total boredom or breaking down with too much to do. I'm kinda used to it now.
I have a piece of advice. It'll sound stupid but just try it - grab a tennis ball and racket. Hit the ball up and down, and against the wall. I spent about an hour doing this the other day and had SO much fun. It's ridiculous, why can't life be so simple? Well, I guess I'm easy to please.
I have a piece of advice. It'll sound stupid but just try it - grab a tennis ball and racket. Hit the ball up and down, and against the wall. I spent about an hour doing this the other day and had SO much fun. It's ridiculous, why can't life be so simple? Well, I guess I'm easy to please.
Thats funny Ant, because I always think that you have what I need to be happy, and your still unhappy.
Funny world.
Funny world.
I'm just waiting for Tom and Grix to find a train that takes them to Exmouth.
Then we can hire a boat and end up chucking some tramp we found off the edge after being accidentally killed, then being stalked by a mysterious stranger for the rest of our lives.
No, hang on. Forget that last bit.
Do I have a point? Well, yes, sometimes you wish for something exciting and then when it comes you wish it hadn't.
Then we can hire a boat and end up chucking some tramp we found off the edge after being accidentally killed, then being stalked by a mysterious stranger for the rest of our lives.
No, hang on. Forget that last bit.
Do I have a point? Well, yes, sometimes you wish for something exciting and then when it comes you wish it hadn't.
Heh, don't be so sure Ant. :0)
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