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I can't find contentment, and worse, I what it is in my life that is wrong.
I used to believe that all we had to do was to put our faith in God. I used to believe that I had a space inside me that was God shaped, and that when I truely believed in God I would be Happy. I don't believe so any more. I've been deluding myself. There is no god, and if there is a god, there is no love for me.
I thought that being in love would make me happy. When I was younger I would stare at myself in the mirror and think to myself, If only somebody would kiss me I would be happy forever. If only someone loved me I would be vindicated in this life.
I found someone to love me. So why am I crying everyday. Why do I get bored even when my love is with me. He doesn't make me happy, I make him sad. I make him desperate because there is nothing he can do to stop me crying.
I'm bored all the time. I have no interest in anything I do. TV, Video games, DVDs, Music, Books. I buy and buy in the hope that one of these things will lift my boredom, give me a purpose, and for a time I find a new game or TV seris, or a book that distracts me. 40 hours of Final Fantasy fantasy or Buffy the Vampire Slayer later I'm left with nothing. I've invested my time into a fantasy that isn't real.
So someone please tell me, what are we here for. What is the point in this life. We live and We die. A small handful of us do something worthwhile behind. A mark on the world. But even then we still die. We are still dead, and we have nothing.
I have to say. I haven't cried once since I posted this topic. I don't know if it is co-incidence or not, but I might have to change my idea that there is no one that cares about anything other than themselves.
"Insane Bartender kicked the door down in style, looked back to check that everyone else had seen him do it, and then limped inside."
It's gonna take me a while at this rate...
I had a dream last night..
Although, oddly enough, my best friend was my ada in it. Bit off topic, but I haven't dreamt in months!
Just nice to see peoples' advice and opinions.
I don't think it's too depressing although I can't tell the difference because most of the stuff I read elsewhere is depressing!
For some strange reason, I like reading depressing stuff, and I don't mean because I enjoy hearing about how unhappy a person may be, just.. interesting to know what's going on in everyone's lives I suppose!
Probably because I'm nosy.
But thanks for the good read.
*shrugs*
> 100 posts in one day, and every one of them worth reading [in my
> opinion].
Tomorrow, I have to read it all.