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Whats wrong with me?
I can't find contentment, and worse, I what it is in my life that is wrong.
I used to believe that all we had to do was to put our faith in God. I used to believe that I had a space inside me that was God shaped, and that when I truely believed in God I would be Happy. I don't believe so any more. I've been deluding myself. There is no god, and if there is a god, there is no love for me.
I thought that being in love would make me happy. When I was younger I would stare at myself in the mirror and think to myself, If only somebody would kiss me I would be happy forever. If only someone loved me I would be vindicated in this life.
I found someone to love me. So why am I crying everyday. Why do I get bored even when my love is with me. He doesn't make me happy, I make him sad. I make him desperate because there is nothing he can do to stop me crying.
I'm bored all the time. I have no interest in anything I do. TV, Video games, DVDs, Music, Books. I buy and buy in the hope that one of these things will lift my boredom, give me a purpose, and for a time I find a new game or TV seris, or a book that distracts me. 40 hours of Final Fantasy fantasy or Buffy the Vampire Slayer later I'm left with nothing. I've invested my time into a fantasy that isn't real.
So someone please tell me, what are we here for. What is the point in this life. We live and We die. A small handful of us do something worthwhile behind. A mark on the world. But even then we still die. We are still dead, and we have nothing.
I can't find contentment, and worse, I what it is in my life that is wrong.
I used to believe that all we had to do was to put our faith in God. I used to believe that I had a space inside me that was God shaped, and that when I truely believed in God I would be Happy. I don't believe so any more. I've been deluding myself. There is no god, and if there is a god, there is no love for me.
I thought that being in love would make me happy. When I was younger I would stare at myself in the mirror and think to myself, If only somebody would kiss me I would be happy forever. If only someone loved me I would be vindicated in this life.
I found someone to love me. So why am I crying everyday. Why do I get bored even when my love is with me. He doesn't make me happy, I make him sad. I make him desperate because there is nothing he can do to stop me crying.
I'm bored all the time. I have no interest in anything I do. TV, Video games, DVDs, Music, Books. I buy and buy in the hope that one of these things will lift my boredom, give me a purpose, and for a time I find a new game or TV seris, or a book that distracts me. 40 hours of Final Fantasy fantasy or Buffy the Vampire Slayer later I'm left with nothing. I've invested my time into a fantasy that isn't real.
So someone please tell me, what are we here for. What is the point in this life. We live and We die. A small handful of us do something worthwhile behind. A mark on the world. But even then we still die. We are still dead, and we have nothing.
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I'm not a violent person and have never been in a fight so i wouldn't want to get beaten up either, but rude people just really p*ss me off.
You sound like you could do with a holiday, just somewhere really nice, peaceful and scenic...like Scotland!
You sound like you could do with a holiday, just somewhere really nice, peaceful and scenic...like Scotland!
I'm too scared of getting beaten up to stand up for myself. I'm only 5'2'', so I'm a bit of a target.
Rosalind wrote:
> I've got pretty down everytime I leave the house. When I go into the
> city centre It seems like nobody sees me. People just bang into me,
> or barge me out of the way. On saturday some teenagers spat on my
> shoes.
I have to say people out and about are so rude, so now if im out and i see a group of kids walking towards me expecting me to get out of the way, I just give them an evil and walk towards them and then they get out of the way or end up walking into me (But I'm 6ft 2" which helps a lot) and looking like an idiot.
What really annoys me is when I'm shopping either in town or at Tescos, and I let someone go down a tight isle before me, or go in front of me, and they don't even say thanks. So now whenever that happens I turn around to the person and say at a hearable (Is that a word???)level.."NO thank YOU" just so the other person knows how blooming rude they're being!
> I've got pretty down everytime I leave the house. When I go into the
> city centre It seems like nobody sees me. People just bang into me,
> or barge me out of the way. On saturday some teenagers spat on my
> shoes.
I have to say people out and about are so rude, so now if im out and i see a group of kids walking towards me expecting me to get out of the way, I just give them an evil and walk towards them and then they get out of the way or end up walking into me (But I'm 6ft 2" which helps a lot) and looking like an idiot.
What really annoys me is when I'm shopping either in town or at Tescos, and I let someone go down a tight isle before me, or go in front of me, and they don't even say thanks. So now whenever that happens I turn around to the person and say at a hearable (Is that a word???)level.."NO thank YOU" just so the other person knows how blooming rude they're being!
Basically, they cost me a relationship...but it was a while ago, and I reckon I'm gonna get her back. {:)
Just hurts to think that they were supposed to be my friends.
Just hurts to think that they were supposed to be my friends.
Is that something I shouldn't ask about?
I have too...in fact, in a way I resent my friends because I have a strange suspicion that they took the most important person in my life away from me to get a cheap laugh. Yeah, they were young and might not do the same now...but still.
Anyway I've sort of lost faith in people. Even my friends.
Rosalind wrote:
> On saturday some teenagers spat on my
> shoes.
Exactly. What's the effin' point of doing that? Because they get a stupid laugh out of it?
Someday they'll get it all thrown back at them.
> On saturday some teenagers spat on my
> shoes.
Exactly. What's the effin' point of doing that? Because they get a stupid laugh out of it?
Someday they'll get it all thrown back at them.
I've got pretty down everytime I leave the house. When I go into the city centre It seems like nobody sees me. People just bang into me, or barge me out of the way. On saturday some teenagers spat on my shoes.
Silly Beards. {:)
Anyway, back to what you were saying, there are a lot of other people who don;t care just for themselves...but a lot of the time it doesn't seem like it. I guess you need to meet the right people...I hate being a teenager, because so many of my fellow teenagers are such total pr!cks. They live to just hurt people, physically and mentally. I'm lucky because my year is pretty nice and I've got a load of friends, but I've noticed the couple of years below...well, put it this way, I'm glad I wasn't born a month later.
Anyway, back to what you were saying, there are a lot of other people who don;t care just for themselves...but a lot of the time it doesn't seem like it. I guess you need to meet the right people...I hate being a teenager, because so many of my fellow teenagers are such total pr!cks. They live to just hurt people, physically and mentally. I'm lucky because my year is pretty nice and I've got a load of friends, but I've noticed the couple of years below...well, put it this way, I'm glad I wasn't born a month later.
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