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"Crash Bang Wallop What a TV Show"

"It's hotter than the sun"

"He drew a chalk pen1s on the back of my blazer and I got caned for it"

"Back of the net"

[pointing at Lynn's hair] "Is that your mother's money coming through? That's all part of the bereavement dividend. She was quite a heiferlump though, I'd say she was big-hearted but that would be bull****"

"Guess which one of you ladies I'm going to make love to now"

"British roads are among the safest in Europe. But this isn't Britain, [puts on German voice] dis is der Autobahn"

"Get you on the old jeans rule? Nazis! Only with excellent facilities. As had the Nazis"

"This is a petrol station, not the Gulf War. Which is ironically a giant petrol station."

"I use Lynx Africa"

"F***y hair!"

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you missed the funniest TV show ever last night, in I'm Alan Partridge. Make sure you catch it next week.

"This Apple Turnover contains a filling that's about 1000 degrees centigrade. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten hot Bramley apple will squirt out, it could go your way, it could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down."

Brilliant.

Bloke "He's a lovely man"

Alan "He hit a prostitute once"

"She still had the one good good hand, and she was going to be damned if they were going to take that away from her. Not... not that anyone was insinuating they were going to do that. Please give a big ha.. a round of... ap... applaud, applaud like mad, for Susan Cresswell!"

Bit that made me laugh was when he was talking about the woman loosing her hand and packing it in a selection of mini milks an Magnums.

"She looks a bit like a JCB"

"An' then you hit it over the heed with a shoval"

"This is a petrol station, not the Gulf War. Which is ironically a giant petrol station."

"Badgers carry TB, like"

"Yeah, but so did the Bronte sisters, but I wouldn't hit them with a shovel. 'Heathcliff...' PANG. Then they certainly would be Wuthering."

Last nights episode was GENIOUS!!

"are you wearing lynx?"
"well smelled"
......

"Ahm wearing Tommy Hilfinger"

"Actually I DO mean the worth of boast worlds.....as in.....boasters....like you...aren't worth much...."

Goatboy wrote:
> "Ai, but badgers are a pest like, yae ganna whack 'em with a
> shovel"
> "I wouldn't whack Lyn with a shovel Michael"

"Heathcliff......PANG!"