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"Crash Bang Wallop What a TV Show"

"It's hotter than the sun"

"He drew a chalk pen1s on the back of my blazer and I got caned for it"

"Back of the net"

[pointing at Lynn's hair] "Is that your mother's money coming through? That's all part of the bereavement dividend. She was quite a heiferlump though, I'd say she was big-hearted but that would be bull****"

"Guess which one of you ladies I'm going to make love to now"

"British roads are among the safest in Europe. But this isn't Britain, [puts on German voice] dis is der Autobahn"

"Get you on the old jeans rule? Nazis! Only with excellent facilities. As had the Nazis"

"This is a petrol station, not the Gulf War. Which is ironically a giant petrol station."

"I use Lynx Africa"

"F***y hair!"

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you missed the funniest TV show ever last night, in I'm Alan Partridge. Make sure you catch it next week.

"This Apple Turnover contains a filling that's about 1000 degrees centigrade. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten hot Bramley apple will squirt out, it could go your way, it could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down."

Brilliant.

"Lynn you- ...shouldn't worry about it!"

'I hate archers, the archers and jefrey archer'

'michael your hanging around with a guy that uses a collective term for a single vehicle'

I just realised this thread is basically a load of quotes from teh same show made posted by different people, with no real interaction between people at all.

Still.........fun!

"Well the news is at 12, but first it's Alan's funny stories"

*Alan's Funny Stories*

"Hello, and whats your funny story?"

"Well, two years ago I sold a multi-purpose power drill. And last week, to my surprise, I recieved the very same drill as a birthday present, but without the power pack"

*laughs* "That is funny.."

"Yeah. Bye." *click*

"Oh.err.." *looks at the clock, still 30 seconds to go*

*chuckles* "Without the power pack..."

*whilst looking at clock*

"Ha..ha..ha..."

"Ha..ha..ha...ha"

*clock reaches 12*

"Ha..ha..news!"

"Ah, you've combined the old card in a handshake. I used to do that, but uh, I kept getting it wrong. I gave a man from Nestle a paper cut."

"Thanks for that Sonjia, classic intercourse"

Man, I catched it on Monday. A few laughs and great comedy. Oh, and there is something else called Dead Ringers you should watch too, it's hilarious.

UW.

"Do you want an egg in a bap, Alan. Here is your egg in a bap, Alan!"

monday night comedy is so brilliant, but has been ruined by the tackiness of tlc. love dead ringers.

tonight 2dtv is on btw. tis also a stroke of genius

DAN!!

"Do you want to meet Karen Coleman?"

"Well, I don't really kno-"

"Room for a brave one?"