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"Crash Bang Wallop What a TV Show"

"It's hotter than the sun"

"He drew a chalk pen1s on the back of my blazer and I got caned for it"

"Back of the net"

[pointing at Lynn's hair] "Is that your mother's money coming through? That's all part of the bereavement dividend. She was quite a heiferlump though, I'd say she was big-hearted but that would be bull****"

"Guess which one of you ladies I'm going to make love to now"

"British roads are among the safest in Europe. But this isn't Britain, [puts on German voice] dis is der Autobahn"

"Get you on the old jeans rule? Nazis! Only with excellent facilities. As had the Nazis"

"This is a petrol station, not the Gulf War. Which is ironically a giant petrol station."

"I use Lynx Africa"

"F***y hair!"

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you missed the funniest TV show ever last night, in I'm Alan Partridge. Make sure you catch it next week.

"This Apple Turnover contains a filling that's about 1000 degrees centigrade. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten hot Bramley apple will squirt out, it could go your way, it could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down."

Brilliant.

"I'm sorry did you just see all that?"

"Ok then lets have sex"

"Is she still mixing the beans with the egg"

"Alan you've.. popped out again"

Well that last one was from the previous series but still :)

By my calculations there's only one more episode left after tonight's. If it's a normal English series length. Why can't we be more like America, who's series length is more like 26 episodes?

"How many other men have you been talking to?"

"I don't like to be too muscular, but you've gotta get your abs sorted out. Prod this" *holds peck*

*Alan prods tentatively* "..Yes, mine are like that, only slightly more flacid"


And the bit at the end when he's sneaking around being James Bond while everyone else is watching America's Strongest Man is funny, especially the grenades bit.

I think that latest episode was probably my favourite so far. Alan sneaking around like 007 was class, and his manic description of the first section to The Spy Who Loved Me was hilarious.

*HONK HONK

"That's ten minutes Lynn!"

The whole graveyard scene was hilarious.

"I'm gonna grab a Dr. Pepper from the fridge, stick on the tab."
"Yes, and I'm going to get a Ginsters from the refridgerator, put it on the slate."

I can't remember the line before it, but the bit when Alan turned around and went 'Oh, get a life!' was absolutely hilarious.

"er Michael...Hello?!"
"...hello"
"No Michael, it's sarcastic"

"Yeehaa, er, we're having a hoedown! I'm down, but I'm not a hoe."

"Was that a snub-nosed Uzi?"
"Yes, I think it was."

"I have two rings of hair around both nipples, connected to a long thin strip that leads down to the normal place... Bye."

The bit with Alan drumming in his car was superb.