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"Crash Bang Wallop What a TV Show"

"It's hotter than the sun"

"He drew a chalk pen1s on the back of my blazer and I got caned for it"

"Back of the net"

[pointing at Lynn's hair] "Is that your mother's money coming through? That's all part of the bereavement dividend. She was quite a heiferlump though, I'd say she was big-hearted but that would be bull****"

"Guess which one of you ladies I'm going to make love to now"

"British roads are among the safest in Europe. But this isn't Britain, [puts on German voice] dis is der Autobahn"

"Get you on the old jeans rule? Nazis! Only with excellent facilities. As had the Nazis"

"This is a petrol station, not the Gulf War. Which is ironically a giant petrol station."

"I use Lynx Africa"

"F***y hair!"

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you missed the funniest TV show ever last night, in I'm Alan Partridge. Make sure you catch it next week.

"This Apple Turnover contains a filling that's about 1000 degrees centigrade. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten hot Bramley apple will squirt out, it could go your way, it could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down."

Brilliant.

The original series is probably better, but only just. Get the DVD and watch it with the commentary from Steve Coogan, Armando Iannuci and Peter Bayhnam, it's great. There's also a commentary on every episode from Alan himself, along with Lynn.

"I could eat one three times a day (full english), but it would kill me"

"Why's that?"

"Cholestrol.........it's what the Scottish eat".

I agree that the episode wasn't up to the previous standard. The whole premise of the tax inspectors visiting got dull quickly, especially as Alan had nothing to hide whatsoever (apart from a Dressing Gown receipt from Bill Odie).

Although when he talked about laying out all the London gifts and pretending he was a giant was very good.

It was a bit crap last night

I liked the bit where he put his hands round his ankles and said 'I wonder if I can walk like this.'

I liked the bit when he went to take off his air guitar, that was great. Otherwise, it wasn't the best episode last night.

"Elephant man faced tranny"

Unless you guys already know, this is the last series but in Easter, there is going to be a special one off where Alan gets killed.

"I should get them to do my house, they'll be better than these b***ards. Oh well at least they're cash in haaa....."

*in silly voice* "tell me your name"

"hows the grouting going?"


"Whats this?"
"Its a tip... I panicked"