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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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Lets see what I can do....
ermmmm..... Why did the Chicken cross the road?
>No, maybe not. Actually, I'm not sure whether the chicken ever actually >crossed the road, so I'll forget that.
ermmmmmm..... What's a crocodile's favourite game?
>That's just stupid. Have you ever seen any form of aquatic life play "snap", or any other card game? I should never have brought it up
ermmmmmmm..... Once upon a time, there were three men.....
>I don't like jokes like that - in almost all situations, the person telling them takes 20 minutes to do so, and then they aren't actually funny....
Ah well, I'll have to pass.
Well, OK, here's one that appeals to me:
A plumber attended to a leaking tap at a nearby surgeon's house.
After a 2-minute job, he demanded £75. The surgeon complained - "I'm a surgeon, and I can't charge anyone that much money for two minutes, even if it saves their life!"
"You're right -- that's why I switched from surgery to plumbing!"
Well, maybe that wasn't funny, but it'll do,
See Ya ;-)
PinkPig
ermmmm..... Why did the Chicken cross the road?
>No, maybe not. Actually, I'm not sure whether the chicken ever actually >crossed the road, so I'll forget that.
ermmmmmm..... What's a crocodile's favourite game?
>That's just stupid. Have you ever seen any form of aquatic life play "snap", or any other card game? I should never have brought it up
ermmmmmmm..... Once upon a time, there were three men.....
>I don't like jokes like that - in almost all situations, the person telling them takes 20 minutes to do so, and then they aren't actually funny....
Ah well, I'll have to pass.
Well, OK, here's one that appeals to me:
A plumber attended to a leaking tap at a nearby surgeon's house.
After a 2-minute job, he demanded £75. The surgeon complained - "I'm a surgeon, and I can't charge anyone that much money for two minutes, even if it saves their life!"
"You're right -- that's why I switched from surgery to plumbing!"
Well, maybe that wasn't funny, but it'll do,
See Ya ;-)
PinkPig
Hercules! wrote:
> Who said I was going for the GAD?
>
> Unlike loads of other people in here, I was trying to cheer Tony up,
> just like what he asked for and wast just trying to win a game.
>
> :P
Isn't that a bit contradictory? First you say you weren't going for the GAD, then you say you were just trying to win a game by doing what he asked for (albeit in poor grammar)
> Who said I was going for the GAD?
>
> Unlike loads of other people in here, I was trying to cheer Tony up,
> just like what he asked for and wast just trying to win a game.
>
> :P
Isn't that a bit contradictory? First you say you weren't going for the GAD, then you say you were just trying to win a game by doing what he asked for (albeit in poor grammar)
1. There was an old alley cat and everyday he would chase mice and eat them for dinner. As the mice died they went up to animal heaven where St. Bernard, St. Peter's animal assistant, told the mice the rules of animal heaven. The most important rule is to make all the animals as comfortable as possible. So St. Bernard suggested the mice have skateboards so they could get around easier. Especially since they spent most of their life on earth running away from that old alley cat. Time passed and finally the old alley cat gave up the last of his 9 lives. He was met in animal heaven by St. Bernard and told the rules. About a week later, St. Bernard ran into the alley cat and asked how he liked animal heaven. The alley cat replied, "Animal heaven is great, especially that meals on wheels program."
2. Top Five reasons computers must be female...
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2 Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
4. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
3. A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat".
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table".
"Hey, why are all these cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course! They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. this went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"
I'll post more later :D
2. Top Five reasons computers must be female...
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2 Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
4. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
3. A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat".
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table".
"Hey, why are all these cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course! They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. this went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"
I'll post more later :D
Indeed, I want to know why it wont let me post this joke though.....
Hercules! wrote:
> Who said I was going for the GAD?
>
> Unlike loads of other people in here, I was trying to cheer Tony up,
> just like what he asked for and wast just trying to win a game.
>
> :P
Corse I am trying to cheer him up, I think thats why he lets me exist.
:D
> Who said I was going for the GAD?
>
> Unlike loads of other people in here, I was trying to cheer Tony up,
> just like what he asked for and wast just trying to win a game.
>
> :P
Corse I am trying to cheer him up, I think thats why he lets me exist.
:D
Who said I was going for the GAD?
Unlike loads of other people in here, I was trying to cheer Tony up, just like what he asked for and wast just trying to win a game.
:P
Unlike loads of other people in here, I was trying to cheer Tony up, just like what he asked for and wast just trying to win a game.
:P
Hercules! wrote:
> Yeah, just wont let me post this damn joke.
>
> :(
I have already won though :-P
> Yeah, just wont let me post this damn joke.
>
> :(
I have already won though :-P
Yeah, just wont let me post this damn joke.
:(
:(
Damn, its been like that for the last 20 mins or whatever.....
Or maybe it just wont let me post this joke......
:(
Or maybe it just wont let me post this joke......
:(
Why cant I reply in here without my internet breaking!?
:(
:(
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