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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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Tony got an orange for a head then?
:D
:D
By the way, The man mentioned with a fruit natured head was Tony.
Tony, you should have never started this, you're gonna spend another 50 years reading through all these jokes!!!
LOL!
give me my prize, give me my prize!
Heh heh
He didnt say that staff *couldnt* win......
:D
He didnt say that staff *couldnt* win......
:D
heh heh, I'm SOOOO proud that someone wrote a joke about ME!!!
Heres my favourite, but I'm awaiting much critism.
Theres this man, and he has an orange for a head.
Everone's always asking him why he has an orange for a head. He always avoided answering, but one day he decided to reveal why.
"well, one day I was up in my attic, just tidying, and I found a lamp. It was a little grimy, so I gave it a rub and lo and behold, out popped a genie.
The genie said I had 3 wishes, so delighted, I made my first wish and wished for a neverending supply of money. This enabled me to live the high life in amazing luxury.
For my second wish, I wished for many beautiful women, and just like that *clicks fingers* my house was full with stunning girls."
"so what did you wish with your third wish" enquired the person he was telling.
wait for it, it's just pure genius.........
"I wished for an orange for a head"
Best....Joke....ever...
Heres my favourite, but I'm awaiting much critism.
Theres this man, and he has an orange for a head.
Everone's always asking him why he has an orange for a head. He always avoided answering, but one day he decided to reveal why.
"well, one day I was up in my attic, just tidying, and I found a lamp. It was a little grimy, so I gave it a rub and lo and behold, out popped a genie.
The genie said I had 3 wishes, so delighted, I made my first wish and wished for a neverending supply of money. This enabled me to live the high life in amazing luxury.
For my second wish, I wished for many beautiful women, and just like that *clicks fingers* my house was full with stunning girls."
"so what did you wish with your third wish" enquired the person he was telling.
wait for it, it's just pure genius.........
"I wished for an orange for a head"
Best....Joke....ever...
Two friends sat in front of the television to watch sheffield united play aston villa on match of the day.
"I bet you five quid United wins" said Bill
"OK"said Ben."I'll bet you five quid that villa wins"
"Done"Said Bill.
They watched the match, in which there was no score until the last few minutes and then United scored an amazing goal.
"There you are" said Bill"I told you!"
"OK" said Ben fishing around in his pocket for a fiver "I owe you five pounds"
"Actually" said Bill "I've a confession to make. I can't take your fiver. I knew United would win I heard the result earlier"
"So did I" said Ben. "But I didn't think Villa would play so badly a second time"
"I bet you five quid United wins" said Bill
"OK"said Ben."I'll bet you five quid that villa wins"
"Done"Said Bill.
They watched the match, in which there was no score until the last few minutes and then United scored an amazing goal.
"There you are" said Bill"I told you!"
"OK" said Ben fishing around in his pocket for a fiver "I owe you five pounds"
"Actually" said Bill "I've a confession to make. I can't take your fiver. I knew United would win I heard the result earlier"
"So did I" said Ben. "But I didn't think Villa would play so badly a second time"
A violinist wanted to test his theorythat music could tame wild animals. So he went to Afica and in a clearing in the jungle he started to play.
At first, nothing happened, but then an elephant strolled up. It sat down, and begun to wave it's trunk in time to the music. Then a lion appeared. At first it growled, but as it listened, it began to purr like a cat. A hippo waddled out of the river and lay down to listen, a dreamy on it's face. Birds stopped singing at the trees, and monkeys sat quietly. All the creatures seemed enchanted.
Then a crocodile climbed out of the river, opened it's massive jaws, and crunch, crunch, gulp!swallowed the violinist.
"why did you do that?" said all the animals "We were enjoying the music!"
The crocodile put it's front leg up to his ear and replied,
"Pardon?"
At first, nothing happened, but then an elephant strolled up. It sat down, and begun to wave it's trunk in time to the music. Then a lion appeared. At first it growled, but as it listened, it began to purr like a cat. A hippo waddled out of the river and lay down to listen, a dreamy on it's face. Birds stopped singing at the trees, and monkeys sat quietly. All the creatures seemed enchanted.
Then a crocodile climbed out of the river, opened it's massive jaws, and crunch, crunch, gulp!swallowed the violinist.
"why did you do that?" said all the animals "We were enjoying the music!"
The crocodile put it's front leg up to his ear and replied,
"Pardon?"
So, I heard about schroeders first job...
She was looking through the newspaper, and saw a toy company advertising. So, she decided to go and try and get the job. She took her CV, and handed it to the manager. He looked over it, and told her it was very impressive. They then had the interview, and after it, he shook her hand and said:
"Miss, you've got the job!"
Schroeder was delighted, and was told to come to the factory next morning at 8:30am to start.
"What do you make here?" She asked.
"Oh, 'Tickle-Me-Elmo's."
So, schroeder went home, very happy to have got the job...
Then, next morning, at 9:30am one of the factory workers bursts into the manager's office.
"Sir, the new girl...she's ruining everything!"
So, the manager walks into the huge room seeing the Elmos coming off the converyor belt...and there is schroeder, grabbing them and sewing two marbles onto the crotches!
"SCHROEDER!" the man yells...
"I said...give them two TEST TICKLES!!"
She was looking through the newspaper, and saw a toy company advertising. So, she decided to go and try and get the job. She took her CV, and handed it to the manager. He looked over it, and told her it was very impressive. They then had the interview, and after it, he shook her hand and said:
"Miss, you've got the job!"
Schroeder was delighted, and was told to come to the factory next morning at 8:30am to start.
"What do you make here?" She asked.
"Oh, 'Tickle-Me-Elmo's."
So, schroeder went home, very happy to have got the job...
Then, next morning, at 9:30am one of the factory workers bursts into the manager's office.
"Sir, the new girl...she's ruining everything!"
So, the manager walks into the huge room seeing the Elmos coming off the converyor belt...and there is schroeder, grabbing them and sewing two marbles onto the crotches!
"SCHROEDER!" the man yells...
"I said...give them two TEST TICKLES!!"
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