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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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cookie monster wrote:
> What's pink and hard?
> A pig with a flick-knife
I'm sure there's an alternative answer to hat joke...
;-)
> What's pink and hard?
> A pig with a flick-knife
I'm sure there's an alternative answer to hat joke...
;-)
Whats the difference between West Ham and a tea bag?
Tea Bag stays in the cup longer!
Tea Bag stays in the cup longer!
How many babies does it take to paint the SR offices?
It depends how thinly you spread them.
It depends how thinly you spread them.
You Are No Longer "Cool" When
You find yourself listening to talk radio.
You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
When jogging is something you do to your memory.
Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.
You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.
You actually ASK for your father's advice.
You don't know how to operate a fax machine.
When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.
You find yourself listening to talk radio.
You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
When jogging is something you do to your memory.
Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.
You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.
You actually ASK for your father's advice.
You don't know how to operate a fax machine.
When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.
Why do seagulls live near the sea?
Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.
Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "S**t! THAT'S the word!”
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "S**t! THAT'S the word!”
A man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac and says 'Can I have two drinks, one now and one for the road!!'
There was a Englishman, Scottsman, and an Irishman. An they were on the run from the police after just robbing a bank. They had the money in their hands. They saw a dark alley with three bins in it.
So they decided to go down the alley and hide in the bins. The police saw this alley and decided to check it out. The police saw the bins and decided tpo kick them see if anything was in them.
The policeman walked up to the first bin and kicked it and the Englishman said 'Woof' So the policeman walked away thinking it was a dog.
He came up to the other bin and kicked it and the Scottsman said 'Meow' So the policeman walked away thinking it was a cat.
Then he came up to the last bin and kicked it and the Irishman said...'A sack of Potatoes!!'
(Sorry to anyone if they are Irish)
So they decided to go down the alley and hide in the bins. The police saw this alley and decided to check it out. The police saw the bins and decided tpo kick them see if anything was in them.
The policeman walked up to the first bin and kicked it and the Englishman said 'Woof' So the policeman walked away thinking it was a dog.
He came up to the other bin and kicked it and the Scottsman said 'Meow' So the policeman walked away thinking it was a cat.
Then he came up to the last bin and kicked it and the Irishman said...'A sack of Potatoes!!'
(Sorry to anyone if they are Irish)
FinalFantasyFanatic wrote:
> 3) What's the difference between a Peadophile (sp?) and Acne?
>
> Acne waits until you are 13 before it comes on your face (please don't
> ban me: ))
LOL! Never heard that before.
> 3) What's the difference between a Peadophile (sp?) and Acne?
>
> Acne waits until you are 13 before it comes on your face (please don't
> ban me: ))
LOL! Never heard that before.
What's long and thin,
Has a skin,
Is red in parts,
And goes in tarts?
Rhubarb (sp)
Has a skin,
Is red in parts,
And goes in tarts?
Rhubarb (sp)
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