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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The flight attendant tells her that she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "As long as there's an available seat, I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The flight attendant gets the head flight attendant, who asks the woman to leave. Again, she says "As long as there's an available seat, I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The flight attendants don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot.
The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.
The head flight attendant asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
The blonde replies, "As long as there's an available seat, I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The flight attendant gets the head flight attendant, who asks the woman to leave. Again, she says "As long as there's an available seat, I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The flight attendants don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot.
The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.
The head flight attendant asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."
What's the difference between a magician and 15 naked cheerleaders?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts...
The magician has a cunning array of stunts...
Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons.
"My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!"
"My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!"
"My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock."
"Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday."
"My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!"
"My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!"
"My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock."
"Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday."
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
Why did the Crab cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Sibs wrote:
> Dunno if anyone has said this one already but here goes...
>
> A ghost, a goblin, the Easter Bunny, an intelligent blonde woman and a
> millionaire are all in a lift together. They all see a £50 on
> the floor of the lift. Which one picks up the money?
>
> The millionaire, none of the others exist.
>
> Hmm... my jokes are pretty lame...
it was preety gud, even if i've heard it b4.
A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what's wrong.
"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"
The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though: She gave me $20 change!''
> Dunno if anyone has said this one already but here goes...
>
> A ghost, a goblin, the Easter Bunny, an intelligent blonde woman and a
> millionaire are all in a lift together. They all see a £50 on
> the floor of the lift. Which one picks up the money?
>
> The millionaire, none of the others exist.
>
> Hmm... my jokes are pretty lame...
it was preety gud, even if i've heard it b4.
A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what's wrong.
"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"
The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though: She gave me $20 change!''
Dunno if anyone has said this one already but here goes...
A ghost, a goblin, the Easter Bunny, an intelligent blonde woman and a millionaire are all in a lift together. They all see a £50 on the floor of the lift. Which one picks up the money?
The millionaire, none of the others exist.
Hmm... my jokes are pretty lame...
A ghost, a goblin, the Easter Bunny, an intelligent blonde woman and a millionaire are all in a lift together. They all see a £50 on the floor of the lift. Which one picks up the money?
The millionaire, none of the others exist.
Hmm... my jokes are pretty lame...
Adam and Eve were standing opposite to each other when Adam got his first erection. The two watched, astonished, until Adam suddenly exclaimed, “Move aside -- I don't know how far its gonna go.”
What are soccer stars' favourite sweets?
Kick 'n' Mix
Did you know that Cinderella was once offered a trial for Liverpool?
She turned it down because she didn't think she'd be able to get to the ball
Kick 'n' Mix
Did you know that Cinderella was once offered a trial for Liverpool?
She turned it down because she didn't think she'd be able to get to the ball
OMG, i was just told this one over da phone.
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your p*nis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your p*nis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"
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