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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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Your rules of employment thing is a spoof. Mine are all jokes, BRILLIANT jokes. And funnier than yours...I am going to make this the bestest birthday ever. EVER!!!!
SWANDAHHHHHHHHH wrote:
> Loads of these (mostly from Hercules *shakes fist*) aren't even
> jokes.
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And what do you call a joke then?
That thing you just posted was just the same.
:P
Just cheer the man up.
> Loads of these (mostly from Hercules *shakes fist*) aren't even
> jokes.
--------
And what do you call a joke then?
That thing you just posted was just the same.
:P
Just cheer the man up.
Why did the duck become a ballerina?
To dance in the "Nut-quacker".
To dance in the "Nut-quacker".
Loads of these (mostly from Hercules *shakes fist*) aren't even jokes.
-----------------------------
A man walks into a bar, and he sees this huge jar of £20 notes behind the barman. So, he asks the barman what it is.
"Oh, we have a special competition here. If you pay £20, we set you three challenges. If you pass them all, you win the jar."
Looking again, the man guesses there must be at least £1,000 in there.
"Wow...what's the first challenge?" he asks, reaching for his wallet.
"Well, that there keg," the barman replies, pointing to a keg in the corner "is a gallon of Pepper Tequilla. You have to drink it all in one go, keeping a straight face. Then, out the back, we have a huge bull with a sore tooth. You have to remove it for him...and upstairs, we have a 100 year old woman...a virgin. You have to give her a man's loving touch."
"Oh God!" the man says, putting his wallet back in his pocket, horrified. "I guess I'll just have a pint then!"
So the man has a pint, then another, then another...until he is rather merry. He fishes around in his pockets, grabs a £20 note, and slaps it down on the bar, pointing towards the jar.
So the barman wheels over the keg, and tilts it over. The man starts to drink the pepper tequilla, doing his best to keep a straight face. By the time he's drank half of it, tears are streaming down his face...but he keeps going, gritting his teeth. Then, finally...he finishes it! He lifts his head up, ready to throw up...but swallows his pride (and probably something else), and marches out back.
The barman hears roars, grunts, yells and screams for about ten minutes...and then for half an hour, silence. Then, a little scraping and the man crawls into the bar. His shirt is ripped, and there's a huge cut across his forehead.
"Right...WHERE'S THAT OLD LADY WITH THE SORE TOOTH?"
-----------------------------
A man walks into a bar, and he sees this huge jar of £20 notes behind the barman. So, he asks the barman what it is.
"Oh, we have a special competition here. If you pay £20, we set you three challenges. If you pass them all, you win the jar."
Looking again, the man guesses there must be at least £1,000 in there.
"Wow...what's the first challenge?" he asks, reaching for his wallet.
"Well, that there keg," the barman replies, pointing to a keg in the corner "is a gallon of Pepper Tequilla. You have to drink it all in one go, keeping a straight face. Then, out the back, we have a huge bull with a sore tooth. You have to remove it for him...and upstairs, we have a 100 year old woman...a virgin. You have to give her a man's loving touch."
"Oh God!" the man says, putting his wallet back in his pocket, horrified. "I guess I'll just have a pint then!"
So the man has a pint, then another, then another...until he is rather merry. He fishes around in his pockets, grabs a £20 note, and slaps it down on the bar, pointing towards the jar.
So the barman wheels over the keg, and tilts it over. The man starts to drink the pepper tequilla, doing his best to keep a straight face. By the time he's drank half of it, tears are streaming down his face...but he keeps going, gritting his teeth. Then, finally...he finishes it! He lifts his head up, ready to throw up...but swallows his pride (and probably something else), and marches out back.
The barman hears roars, grunts, yells and screams for about ten minutes...and then for half an hour, silence. Then, a little scraping and the man crawls into the bar. His shirt is ripped, and there's a huge cut across his forehead.
"Right...WHERE'S THAT OLD LADY WITH THE SORE TOOTH?"
A Scottishman, Englishman, and a Japanese man are stranded on a remote island.
"We need to build shelter." the Scottishman states.
"I'll go get wood, you go get some leaves to cover it." the Englishman says.
"A'Whata do'a I'a do?" the Japanese man states.
"You go find us some supplies, Japanese man."
After long hours searching the desert for materials, the Scottishman and Englishman travel back and lay down what they've collected.
"Oh crap, were is the Japanese man?"
They search for hours around bushes and shrubs and what not...
"I can't find him anywhere." they both state.
Just as they turn to leave, the Japanese man jumps out from the bushes:
"SUPPLIES!"
"We need to build shelter." the Scottishman states.
"I'll go get wood, you go get some leaves to cover it." the Englishman says.
"A'Whata do'a I'a do?" the Japanese man states.
"You go find us some supplies, Japanese man."
After long hours searching the desert for materials, the Scottishman and Englishman travel back and lay down what they've collected.
"Oh crap, were is the Japanese man?"
They search for hours around bushes and shrubs and what not...
"I can't find him anywhere." they both state.
Just as they turn to leave, the Japanese man jumps out from the bushes:
"SUPPLIES!"
RM18 wrote:
> Do these jokes have to be orthodox one liners, or lengthier ones like
> Herc just did? Or either sort?
-------
Whatever will cheer him up I spose, ive done both sorts so I dunno.
> Do these jokes have to be orthodox one liners, or lengthier ones like
> Herc just did? Or either sort?
-------
Whatever will cheer him up I spose, ive done both sorts so I dunno.
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