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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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"Top 20 Signs It's a Bad Day"
1) You wake up face down on the pavement.
2) You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
3) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
4) You see a ''60 minutes'' news team waiting in your office.
5) Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
6) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
7) You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
8) Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
9) You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.
10) Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
11) Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
12) Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
13) The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
14) You wake up and your braces are locked together.
15) You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
16) Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
17) Your paycheck bounces.
18) You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
19) Your pet rock snaps at you.
20) Your wife says, ''Good morning, Bill'' and your name is George.
1) You wake up face down on the pavement.
2) You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
3) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
4) You see a ''60 minutes'' news team waiting in your office.
5) Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
6) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
7) You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
8) Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
9) You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.
10) Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
11) Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
12) Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
13) The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
14) You wake up and your braces are locked together.
15) You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
16) Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
17) Your paycheck bounces.
18) You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
19) Your pet rock snaps at you.
20) Your wife says, ''Good morning, Bill'' and your name is George.
You lot are pathetic. Fighting over whether you copied a joke from a site or not.
Crap jokes at that.
Idiots
Crap jokes at that.
Idiots
Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.
slik ~_~
A: Their personalities.
slik ~_~
Everyone elses jokes will be from somewhere off the net so I dont know why you are all saying its mainly me.
ggrrr!
ggrrr!
A 50 year-old man, anxious about the potential on-set of 'old-mans' troubles', walks into a doctor's surgery with a case of nasty diaorrhea.
The doctor looked a little concerned and then requested: 'Well... next time you'd better use a plastic-bag, because your briefcase has leaked all the way down the corridor.'
The doctor looked a little concerned and then requested: 'Well... next time you'd better use a plastic-bag, because your briefcase has leaked all the way down the corridor.'
Yeah ok.
Hercules! wrote:
> 1) You probably copied it from a site.
Most of it are from friends, I had to type them out. Yours are from sites.
> 2) Its wrong to say your stuff is better.
Why?
> 3) That thing wasnt a spoof.
WDo you even know what a spoof IS?
> 4) People have laughed at what ive submitted - even Tony himself.
There's a difference between laughing, and posting a comment. He may have laughed at all of them.
> 5) A joke, to me, is something that makes someone laugh.
Good thing you don't do the 'definitions' for the Oxford Dictionary.
> 6) Lots more things that I cant be bothered to say.
Why? Is your head hurting already? Quit being such a brown noser.
> 1) You probably copied it from a site.
Most of it are from friends, I had to type them out. Yours are from sites.
> 2) Its wrong to say your stuff is better.
Why?
> 3) That thing wasnt a spoof.
WDo you even know what a spoof IS?
> 4) People have laughed at what ive submitted - even Tony himself.
There's a difference between laughing, and posting a comment. He may have laughed at all of them.
> 5) A joke, to me, is something that makes someone laugh.
Good thing you don't do the 'definitions' for the Oxford Dictionary.
> 6) Lots more things that I cant be bothered to say.
Why? Is your head hurting already? Quit being such a brown noser.
Hercules! wrote:
> Moi?
>
> Whatever, dont see me down Hybrids pants though.
>
> :P
*******
Didn't take long to bring him into it...I think you're in love with him, aren't you..just say the word and I'll step back and you can have Hybrid alllll to your self.
> Moi?
>
> Whatever, dont see me down Hybrids pants though.
>
> :P
*******
Didn't take long to bring him into it...I think you're in love with him, aren't you..just say the word and I'll step back and you can have Hybrid alllll to your self.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to
become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole
world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole
world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Moi?
Whatever, dont see me down Hybrids pants though.
:P
Whatever, dont see me down Hybrids pants though.
:P
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