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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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davyboy wrote:
> Did you hear about the new Britney Spears doll that wees itself and
> sings "Ops I did it again"
Lol, that was really really really bad.
> Did you hear about the new Britney Spears doll that wees itself and
> sings "Ops I did it again"
Lol, that was really really really bad.
Oh, and congrats to Wookiee too on a fine set of jokes. :D
Bit late, but congrats go to my mate Hercules, nice one. {:)
Once an abnormal guy went to a doctor. His abnormality was that he had three balls. He thought it to be a reproductive abnormality so he wanted to consult a doctor. But he was a little hesitant to present his situation to the doctor. So he tried to explain it to him indirectly. He said, ''Doctor ,if you combine your and my balls, then the result will be five!'' The doctor was amazed to hear that. He stood up and asked the patient, ''You poor guy, have you got only one?''
I agree. Satan won't bring you any presents this year.
Good grief.
WòókieeMøn§†€® wrote:
-------------------
>
> A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
That's just tight and that's discrimenation
can someone delete that please?
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>
> A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
That's just tight and that's discrimenation
can someone delete that please?
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
--------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
--------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
--------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."
--------------------
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
--------------------
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off"
--------------------
I went to a seafood disco last week.... And pulled a muscle.
--------------------
A man walks into doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's... um... well... I have five p*****s." replies the man
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
--------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
--------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
--------------------
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, "dam"
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
--------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
--------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
--------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."
--------------------
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
--------------------
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off"
--------------------
I went to a seafood disco last week.... And pulled a muscle.
--------------------
A man walks into doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's... um... well... I have five p*****s." replies the man
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
--------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
--------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
--------------------
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, "dam"
Just received in an e-mail...
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted
-------------------------
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
-------------------------
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
-------------------------
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
-------------------------
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."
-------------------------
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts.
A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?'
The man says "A premature ejaculation".
"What?" says the woman.
The man says, "I've just come in my pants."
-------------------------
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
-------------------------
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
-------------------------
Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
-------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
-------------------------
Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted
-------------------------
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
-------------------------
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
-------------------------
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
-------------------------
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."
-------------------------
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts.
A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?'
The man says "A premature ejaculation".
"What?" says the woman.
The man says, "I've just come in my pants."
-------------------------
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
-------------------------
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
-------------------------
Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
-------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
-------------------------
Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
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