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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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there are 2 men, an Englishman called Ben & an Irishman called Paddy.
Ben says to paddy, "can you see that forest over there?"
Paddy replies "I can't, there's trees in the way"
Ben says to paddy, "can you see that forest over there?"
Paddy replies "I can't, there's trees in the way"
Triple_H wrote:
> I know this is a tad late, but this really made me laugh out loud
> in the school's library. Very very good indeed mate :)
---------
Glad to see someone enjoyed it like me.
:)
> I know this is a tad late, but this really made me laugh out loud
> in the school's library. Very very good indeed mate :)
---------
Glad to see someone enjoyed it like me.
:)
What do you call a donkey with three legs? A wonky.
...a donkey with three legs and one eye? A winky wonky.
...a deer with no eyes? No idea.
...a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
...a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
...a bear with no ears? A bee.
...a fly with no wings? A walk.
...a dog with no legs? Anything you like, he won't come to you.
...a donkey with three legs and one eye? A winky wonky.
...a deer with no eyes? No idea.
...a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
...a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
...a bear with no ears? A bee.
...a fly with no wings? A walk.
...a dog with no legs? Anything you like, he won't come to you.
A guy hears a knock at the front door. Opening it he looks around but sees no one but does spot a snail on the doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street. A year later the same guy is watching TV and there's a knock at the door. Once again he opens the front door and finds no one around. Looking down he sees the snail, which says, "What the heck was that all about?"
Hercules! wrote:
> Right, sorry if this is a little rude but i've changed all the words
> to the minimum and personally, I found it very funny.
>
> Enjoy.
>
> --------
>
> "20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room"
>
> 1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips
> shorts.
> 2) Sociable -- Joins friends in pee whether he has to or not.
> 3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy
> is fixed.
> 4) Timid -- Cannot pee if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes
> back later.
> 5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pees in sink.
> 6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pees on floor.
>
> 7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick
> inspection.
> 8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit
> flies and bugs.
> 9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pees in pants.
> 10) Childish -- Pees directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it
> bubble.
> 11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while peeing, acts very innocent, knows
> man in other stall will be blamed.
> 12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free
> hand.
> 13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pees in pants.
> 14) Tough -- Bangs weener on side of urinal to dry.
> 15) Efficient -- Waits until he has to poop and does both.
> 16) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pees in shower.
>
> 17) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
> 18) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pees in pants.
> 19) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
> 20) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.
>
> ----------
>I know this is a tad late, but this really made me laugh out loud in the school's library. Very very good indeed mate :)
> Right, sorry if this is a little rude but i've changed all the words
> to the minimum and personally, I found it very funny.
>
> Enjoy.
>
> --------
>
> "20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room"
>
> 1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips
> shorts.
> 2) Sociable -- Joins friends in pee whether he has to or not.
> 3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy
> is fixed.
> 4) Timid -- Cannot pee if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes
> back later.
> 5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pees in sink.
> 6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pees on floor.
>
> 7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick
> inspection.
> 8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit
> flies and bugs.
> 9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pees in pants.
> 10) Childish -- Pees directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it
> bubble.
> 11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while peeing, acts very innocent, knows
> man in other stall will be blamed.
> 12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free
> hand.
> 13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pees in pants.
> 14) Tough -- Bangs weener on side of urinal to dry.
> 15) Efficient -- Waits until he has to poop and does both.
> 16) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pees in shower.
>
> 17) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
> 18) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pees in pants.
> 19) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
> 20) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.
>
> ----------
>I know this is a tad late, but this really made me laugh out loud in the school's library. Very very good indeed mate :)
Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals and thrown into a pot over a fire. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh.
The other missionary can't believe it! He says, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."
The other missionary can't believe it! He says, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."
Ant wrote:
> Bit late, but congrats go to my mate Hercules, nice one. {:)
---------
Cheers Ant!
:)
> Bit late, but congrats go to my mate Hercules, nice one. {:)
---------
Cheers Ant!
:)
Some race horses were boasting about their track records. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse broke in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
A greyhound overheard and came over. "I don't mean to boast," said the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses were clearly amazed. "Wow!" said one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
Another horse broke in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
A greyhound overheard and came over. "I don't mean to boast," said the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses were clearly amazed. "Wow!" said one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
i love this joke:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.
"Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see the night sky. Astronomically, it tells me that there are potentially billions of planets. Theologically, that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that tomorrow will be a good day. What does it tell you?"
"Somebody stole our tent."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.
"Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see the night sky. Astronomically, it tells me that there are potentially billions of planets. Theologically, that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that tomorrow will be a good day. What does it tell you?"
"Somebody stole our tent."
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