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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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here is my faborite saying:
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
Sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
Bohemian Curry
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now he's dead.
Naan-aa, dinner just begun
But now I'm going to c**p it all away.
Naan-aa, ooh-ooh
Didn't mean to make you cry,
Seen nothin' yet just see the loo tomorrow,
Curry on, Curry on,
'cause nothing really madras.
Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers up my spine
Rectum aching all the time.
Goodbye every bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use loo.
Naan-aa, ooh ooh,
This Dopiaza's mild,
I Sometimes wish we'd never come here at all...
******
(Guitar solo)
*****
I see a little chicken tikka on the side,
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh
pass the chutney made of mango.
Vindaloo does nicely
Nery very spicey
ME!
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani and a naan,
(A vindaloo loo looo...)
I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to a lavatory
Stand you well back
Cause this loo is quarantined.
Here it comes,
There it goes,
technicolor yawn.
I chunder
No!
It's coming up again
(There he goes) I chunder
It's coming up again
(There he goes) It's coming up again, (Up again)
Coming up again (up again)
Here it comes again
(No no no no no non o no no No).
On my knees, I'm on my knees, I'm on my knees
Oh there he goes
This vindaloo
Is about to wreck my guts
Poor me... Poor me... Poor me!
*****
(Guitar solo)
*****
So you think you can chunder and still it's alright?
So you want to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Ohh maybe, now you'll puke like a baby,
Just had to come out,
Just had to come right out in here....
******
(Guitar solo)
******
Korma, saag or bhuna,
Balti, naan, bhaji.
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference to me
Bohemian Curry
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now he's dead.
Naan-aa, dinner just begun
But now I'm going to c**p it all away.
Naan-aa, ooh-ooh
Didn't mean to make you cry,
Seen nothin' yet just see the loo tomorrow,
Curry on, Curry on,
'cause nothing really madras.
Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers up my spine
Rectum aching all the time.
Goodbye every bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use loo.
Naan-aa, ooh ooh,
This Dopiaza's mild,
I Sometimes wish we'd never come here at all...
******
(Guitar solo)
*****
I see a little chicken tikka on the side,
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh
pass the chutney made of mango.
Vindaloo does nicely
Nery very spicey
ME!
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani and a naan,
(A vindaloo loo looo...)
I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to a lavatory
Stand you well back
Cause this loo is quarantined.
Here it comes,
There it goes,
technicolor yawn.
I chunder
No!
It's coming up again
(There he goes) I chunder
It's coming up again
(There he goes) It's coming up again, (Up again)
Coming up again (up again)
Here it comes again
(No no no no no non o no no No).
On my knees, I'm on my knees, I'm on my knees
Oh there he goes
This vindaloo
Is about to wreck my guts
Poor me... Poor me... Poor me!
*****
(Guitar solo)
*****
So you think you can chunder and still it's alright?
So you want to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Ohh maybe, now you'll puke like a baby,
Just had to come out,
Just had to come right out in here....
******
(Guitar solo)
******
Korma, saag or bhuna,
Balti, naan, bhaji.
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference to me
*looks around*
*walks in*
*whistles*
Dunno mate.....
*continues to whistle*
*walks off*
*walks in*
*whistles*
Dunno mate.....
*continues to whistle*
*walks off*
Is this just a new name for the: Cheer me up on my 50th thread? and who won? did it stop yesterday?
________________________________________________-
There's a Genie, a bear and a frog.
The Genie says to the bear and frog, " I will grant you three wishes each"
The bear says "I wish all the bears in this forest were girls"
The frog says "I wish I had a crash helmet"
So the genie grants the wishes.
The bear says " I wish all the bears in this country to be girls"
The frog says "I wish I had a motor bike"
So the genie grants the wishes.
The bear says "I want all the bears in the universe to be girls"
So the Genie grants the wish.
Then the frog says "I wish this bear was gay"
and the frog rides away on his motor bike.
________________________________________________-
There's a Genie, a bear and a frog.
The Genie says to the bear and frog, " I will grant you three wishes each"
The bear says "I wish all the bears in this forest were girls"
The frog says "I wish I had a crash helmet"
So the genie grants the wishes.
The bear says " I wish all the bears in this country to be girls"
The frog says "I wish I had a motor bike"
So the genie grants the wishes.
The bear says "I want all the bears in the universe to be girls"
So the Genie grants the wish.
Then the frog says "I wish this bear was gay"
and the frog rides away on his motor bike.
This'll make you groan:
------------------------------------------------------------
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can
see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia
Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat
and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants
to borrow.
The frog says "$30,000."
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is
Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he
knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money
and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan.
She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink
porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and
perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have
to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit
Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow
$30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the
tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
...(get ready to groan)....
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old
man's a rolling stone."
------------------------------------------------------------
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can
see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia
Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat
and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants
to borrow.
The frog says "$30,000."
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is
Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he
knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money
and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan.
She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink
porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and
perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have
to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit
Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow
$30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the
tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
...(get ready to groan)....
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old
man's a rolling stone."
A couple of political jokes:
Did you hear about John Prescott getting hit by that egg?
William Hague promised never to headbutt anyone again.
Did you hear about the Millenium Dome failing?
That's why he stepped down from the conservative party.
Did you hear about John Prescott getting hit by that egg?
William Hague promised never to headbutt anyone again.
Did you hear about the Millenium Dome failing?
That's why he stepped down from the conservative party.
Hercules! wrote:
> Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap
> back on?
> A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''
>
> hoho
---
Hoho indeed.
> Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap
> back on?
> A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''
>
> hoho
---
Hoho indeed.
Right, sorry if this is a little rude but i've changed all the words to the minimum and personally, I found it very funny.
Enjoy.
--------
"20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room"
1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2) Sociable -- Joins friends in pee whether he has to or not.
3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4) Timid -- Cannot pee if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pees in sink.
6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pees on floor.
7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pees in pants.
10) Childish -- Pees directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while peeing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.
13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pees in pants.
14) Tough -- Bangs weener on side of urinal to dry.
15) Efficient -- Waits until he has to poop and does both.
16) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pees in shower.
17) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
18) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pees in pants.
19) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
20) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.
----------
Like I said, sorry if its a bit rude or whatever but I found it funny and I hope you do too.
:)
Enjoy.
--------
"20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room"
1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2) Sociable -- Joins friends in pee whether he has to or not.
3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4) Timid -- Cannot pee if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pees in sink.
6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pees on floor.
7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pees in pants.
10) Childish -- Pees directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while peeing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.
13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pees in pants.
14) Tough -- Bangs weener on side of urinal to dry.
15) Efficient -- Waits until he has to poop and does both.
16) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pees in shower.
17) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
18) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pees in pants.
19) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
20) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.
----------
Like I said, sorry if its a bit rude or whatever but I found it funny and I hope you do too.
:)
Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on?
A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''
hoho
A: Because it said, ''Sorry, try again.''
hoho
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