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"The official Special Reserve jokes thread"

This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.

Gag away!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."





A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouted out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"


Jesus that took me ages to write out for me.

Little Tommy was a smart little boy.

Little Tommy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

"Tommy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"

"None.", replied Tommy. "'cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."

Little Tommy then said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Tommy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."

I know, let's play a game of Who can copy the most jokes of other sites and post them in this topic? ready......go.

Tony you've really set yourself up for this one, you do realise that by the time Monday comes round you're gonna have half the Internets joke pages posted in this topic. I'd hate to be the one who has to go through all this.

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. He walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager thinks this is quite strange. He approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "May I help you?"
The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

Haha. I like the "Playing the Course" joke so far.

Tiltawhirl wrote:
> I know, let's play a game of Who can copy the most jokes of other
> sites and post them in this topic? ready......go.
>
> Tony you've really set yourself up for this one, you do realise that
> by the time Monday comes round you're gonna have half the Internets
> joke pages posted in this topic. I'd hate to be the one who has to go
> through all this.

Yeah but who can lay claim to actually inventing a joke?
Most of the ones you read or hear are old ones, and if you just think them up the've probably been thought of already.

A blonde was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On her first day she painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the blonde why she kept painting less each day, she replied, "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."

Whats the difference between a speed trap and giving a girl....

(I don't think you should post this joke again)

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him six games out of seven."

"Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your homework! Why are you watching television?"
"It's okay, Mom! I haven't done my homework yet."