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"The official Special Reserve jokes thread"

This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.

Gag away!

Doctor: How did you break your neck?
Patient: I followed the prescription just as you told me.
Doctor: And how did that break your neck?
Patient: It blew out the back of the bus.

Doctor, I think my eyesight is getting worse.
So do I; this is a Post Office

Teacher: Ben, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.
Ben: What was it?
Teacher: Egg.
Ben: Wrong teacher, that was yesterday.

What's a tongue twister?
It's when your tang get's all tongulled up.

Headmaster: This is the 4th time you've been sent to me this week to be punished. What have you got to say for yourself?
Boy: Thank goodness it's friday!

boy 1: Do you know anyone who has been on the telly?
boy 2: Only my dog, but that was before he was housetrained.

Two blondes are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets in who is perfect: Armani suit, great build, nice butt, but the bad part is they both noticed he had dandruff. Then he got off on the fifth floor.Once the doors closed one blonde said, "Someone should give him Head and Shoulders." The other replied, "How do you give shoulders?"

There are 2 men, and Englishman called ben and an Irishman called paddy.
They're walking down the road and paddy falls into a 6ft deep empty hole.
Ben shouts "Have you broken anything?"
Paddy replies "There's nothin down here to break"

There are 2 men, and Englishman called ben and an Irishman called paddy.
They're walking down the road and paddy falls into a 6ft deep hole.
Ben shouts "Have you broken anything?"
Paddy replies "There's nothin down here to break"

There are 2 men, and Englishman called ben and an Irishman called paddy.
They're walking down the road and paddy falls into a 6 foot deep hole.
Ben shouts "Is it dark in there?"
Paddy replies "I dunno, I can't see!"