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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
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A mans marrying this manky woman for her money and when they say the vows......
Do you take him as your husband until death do you part?
I do
Do you take her as your wife until death do you part
I do.
*mutters under breath*
And some how I think death will be coming quicker than expected.
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Sorry I had a good idea I just couldn't explain it very well
(.)(.)
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( an itallion man);D
Do you take him as your husband until death do you part?
I do
Do you take her as your wife until death do you part
I do.
*mutters under breath*
And some how I think death will be coming quicker than expected.
____________
Sorry I had a good idea I just couldn't explain it very well
(.)(.)
__()__
...~..
....
.
( an itallion man);D
Heres another joke....
The joke is.....
How long it's gonna take em to read all these!!!!!
________________
I posted the 600th joke
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(.)(.)
()
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The joke is.....
How long it's gonna take em to read all these!!!!!
________________
I posted the 600th joke
~ ~
(.)(.)
()
--__--
I've heard this amazing joke today...
The joke is.....
MICHAEL JACKSON
The joke is.....
MICHAEL JACKSON
The life of a bar
A man walks into a bar
Ow
A mexican man walks into a bar
AY CARMBA
A blonde walks into a bar
How you doin stranger
An old lady walks into a bar
Watch where you going. Back in the day we showed respect for our elders...
A man walks into a bar
Ow
A mexican man walks into a bar
AY CARMBA
A blonde walks into a bar
How you doin stranger
An old lady walks into a bar
Watch where you going. Back in the day we showed respect for our elders...
One more :)
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
Heh. Every one is GAD hungry :D
I'll try this one.
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender explains that the bar doesn't have any quackers.
The next day, the same duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender again explains that the bar doesn't serve quackers.
Sure enough, the very next day, the duck again walks into the bar and asks for some quackers. The bartender screams at the duck, "If you come in here one more time, I'm going to nail your beak into the wall with a hammer and some nails! "
A few days pass, and then the duck walks into the bar again.The bartender notices the duck and says, "I'm warning you!"
The duck replies, "Do you have a hammer?"
The bartender replies, "No!"
The duck asks, "Do you have any nails?"
The bartender replies, "No!"
The duck grins and asks, "Do you have any quackers?"
I'll try this one.
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender explains that the bar doesn't have any quackers.
The next day, the same duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender again explains that the bar doesn't serve quackers.
Sure enough, the very next day, the duck again walks into the bar and asks for some quackers. The bartender screams at the duck, "If you come in here one more time, I'm going to nail your beak into the wall with a hammer and some nails! "
A few days pass, and then the duck walks into the bar again.The bartender notices the duck and says, "I'm warning you!"
The duck replies, "Do you have a hammer?"
The bartender replies, "No!"
The duck asks, "Do you have any nails?"
The bartender replies, "No!"
The duck grins and asks, "Do you have any quackers?"
®eDdY˛°°2 wrote:
> Bud has a "nosebleed seat" at the final game in the Stanley
> Cup series. He notices an empty seat in the front row. After the first
> period, he makes his way down to the empty seat and asks the guy in
> the next seat if anyone's sitting there. The guy says, "No, you
> can sit there."
> As they're watching the game, Bud asks the guy whether he knows who
> owned the ticket for the empty seat. The man says, "Yes, it was
> my wife's seat. We've been coming to Redwings games together for
> years. But she passed away."
>
> Bud says, "I'm sorry about that, but couldn't you find a friend
> or relative to take the ticket? I mean, this is the FINAL game for the
> Stanley Cup!"
>
> The guy says, "No, they're all at the funeral."
This has already been done although i can't blame you. There is almost 600 replys now.
> Bud has a "nosebleed seat" at the final game in the Stanley
> Cup series. He notices an empty seat in the front row. After the first
> period, he makes his way down to the empty seat and asks the guy in
> the next seat if anyone's sitting there. The guy says, "No, you
> can sit there."
> As they're watching the game, Bud asks the guy whether he knows who
> owned the ticket for the empty seat. The man says, "Yes, it was
> my wife's seat. We've been coming to Redwings games together for
> years. But she passed away."
>
> Bud says, "I'm sorry about that, but couldn't you find a friend
> or relative to take the ticket? I mean, this is the FINAL game for the
> Stanley Cup!"
>
> The guy says, "No, they're all at the funeral."
This has already been done although i can't blame you. There is almost 600 replys now.
Bud has a "nosebleed seat" at the final game in the Stanley Cup series. He notices an empty seat in the front row. After the first period, he makes his way down to the empty seat and asks the guy in the next seat if anyone's sitting there. The guy says, "No, you can sit there."
As they're watching the game, Bud asks the guy whether he knows who owned the ticket for the empty seat. The man says, "Yes, it was my wife's seat. We've been coming to Redwings games together for years. But she passed away."
Bud says, "I'm sorry about that, but couldn't you find a friend or relative to take the ticket? I mean, this is the FINAL game for the Stanley Cup!"
The guy says, "No, they're all at the funeral."
As they're watching the game, Bud asks the guy whether he knows who owned the ticket for the empty seat. The man says, "Yes, it was my wife's seat. We've been coming to Redwings games together for years. But she passed away."
Bud says, "I'm sorry about that, but couldn't you find a friend or relative to take the ticket? I mean, this is the FINAL game for the Stanley Cup!"
The guy says, "No, they're all at the funeral."
I love these short cheesy ones
What does a fish smoke?
Sea weed
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her to count the stairs on a escalator
What does a fish smoke?
Sea weed
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her to count the stairs on a escalator
Sorry if this one is offensive to anyone:
A bloke is shooting pigeons, while a vicar is watching. He fires his shotgun once, and no pigeons die. He gets in a mood and yells, "****! Missed!"
Then his christian friend says, "Don't go saying that word. God won't like it and will get you."
The bloke calms down, takes aim again, and fires. No pigeons die. So he gets in a mood again.
"****! Missed!" He yells.
"I told you not to say that. God can here you," says the vicar, with a stronger tone in his voice.
Suddenly, the sky turns dark, and a hole appears above them. A bolt of lightening flashes out of the clouds and strikes the vicar, and a booming, heavenly voice from the clouds yells, "****! I missed him!"
A bloke is shooting pigeons, while a vicar is watching. He fires his shotgun once, and no pigeons die. He gets in a mood and yells, "****! Missed!"
Then his christian friend says, "Don't go saying that word. God won't like it and will get you."
The bloke calms down, takes aim again, and fires. No pigeons die. So he gets in a mood again.
"****! Missed!" He yells.
"I told you not to say that. God can here you," says the vicar, with a stronger tone in his voice.
Suddenly, the sky turns dark, and a hole appears above them. A bolt of lightening flashes out of the clouds and strikes the vicar, and a booming, heavenly voice from the clouds yells, "****! I missed him!"
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