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"The official Special Reserve jokes thread"

This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.

Gag away!

Inspired by Domaye's jokes a long while back in this thread, based on titles of books and their authors, I tried to think up a few:

Cold Water - Hugo First
What a Life - Tony Rainbird
Scooby Doo Adventures - Mr. E
Never on Target - Mrs. Alot
Can't get her - Mr. Again
Learn the Web - W. W. Dubbelyoodot
The Dangers of High Cliffs - Eileen Dover
Around the World with 80 babes - I wrote that one! :-D
Choosing a Name for a Baby Boy - Anne Drew
Choosing a Name for a Baby Girl - E. Lane
Hidden Treasure - Will E. Findit
Achoo! - Iva Cold

I can't remember a lot of his ones, so there might be a few duplicates there.

A man walks into a bar....no that's too easy

Oh how I laugh.

A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex
life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard
from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The hiya
card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mum was puzzled at first, but then went
the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop."

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent
the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read:
"Benson & Hedges". Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's
cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack:"Extra Long.
King Size".

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mum waited for
a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a
whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting
were the words "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Harper's
Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and
finally found the ad for British Airways.

The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mum fainted .....

Here are a few of my favourite jokes:


What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.

3 blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing about what kind of tracks they were.
The first blonde said, "I think they're deer tracks".
The secondblonde said, "I think they're dog tracks".
The third blonde said, "Well, I think they're cow tracks".
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Indian-DudeY2K wrote:
> well , im gonna be honest with you here .... urrr , NO. Sorry ,
>
> sedgie , yours was pretty good though.

cheers!!:-)

it gets worse.....

A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! I wonder what it means?"
The man replied, "You'll know tonight." That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. The woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled "Interpreting Dreams".

God made wine, god made whiskey
God made me so F****NG sexy

God made you, God made him
But we all make mistakes

http://mysite.freeserve.com/random_things/vid/chairs.mpg

You asked for it Tony.

:D