Viewing Thread:
"The official Special Reserve jokes thread"

This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.

Gag away!

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

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Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.
Husband: Why? You have nothing to put in it!
Wife: You wear shorts!

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A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there's nothin' special... we just flat out tell' em they're gonna die...

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Love thy neighbour all through the day... but first make sure her husband's away!

Argh! That is sick dude!

Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.

DAXTER wrote:
> A blonde woman goes to the doctor and tells that him that both her
> ears have been burnt. "Sit down and tell me how it
> happened," said the doctor.
> "Well,I was just ironing my clothes, when I received a call and
> instead of picking the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and
> burnt my ear."
> "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to the
> other?"
> "The jerk called back!"

This ones already been done but I'm surprised half of these haven't already been done there's tons of replies!

This'll cheer you up.

There's no god, and all your stupid human ideals are fake.

Sorry i made that one up :(

There was two old men in a retirement home. One had body parts missing from the waist down. The other man said, "So whats the story behind that" pointing to the mans decapitated crotch.

"Well i'll tell you" he replied. "During the war we got visits from our dears. Mine came to visit and we decided to have a passionate night. So, she put her hands down my trouses and started to feel around. She then said to me "Why what a big pair of balls you have". I just laughed. Then i remembered something. I had had one of my balls removed. I wondered what she was on about. Then a horrible thought hit me. Perhaps i had left my pistol and and two grenades in my pocket. Suddenly she started moving her hand up and down. Before I could do anything she grasped hold of the pistol yanked it back and was shot in the head."

"So how did you lose your lower body" asked the other man.

"She'd only gone and pulled the pin out of the grenade thinking it was a manly hair!"

Heres another joke for you Tony

One Sunday in church, the teacher asked her Sunday School class, "Ok kids, what is the commandment for your mommies and daddies?"
One girl raised her hand and said, "Thou shall honor your mother and father."
"Good!" The teacher said, "What is the commandment for your brothers and sisters?" Then one boy shot up and stated, "Thou shall not kill."

A blonde woman goes to the doctor and tells that him that both her ears have been burnt. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," said the doctor.
"Well,I was just ironing my clothes, when I received a call and instead of picking the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and burnt my ear."
"Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to the other?"
"The jerk called back!"

this rude boy goes into a chippy . he askes the woman for a bag of bloody fish and chips. the woman replys pardon . can i have a bag of bloody fish and chips.so the woman says look ill show u how to ask properly .she tells the boy to go stand roud the other side of the counter . after they have swaped places the woman says , can i have a bag of fish and chips please . the boy replys no you bloody would'nt serve me :P