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This thread is now the official Special Reserve jokes thread, post all your gags in here rather than spewing them all over the rest of the forums. Let's keep it nice and tidy, no racist jokes, keep the sexist ones to a minimum and no foul language, please.
Gag away!
Gag away!
Page:
Joke:
Someone has to read through all of these and pick a winner.
Now you can laugh, or cry if you are a staff member reading this whilst looking for a winner.
Someone has to read through all of these and pick a winner.
Now you can laugh, or cry if you are a staff member reading this whilst looking for a winner.
How to understand New Zealanders
Peck - To fill a suitcase
P*****-aside - Chemical which kills insects
Pigs - For hanging out washing
Pump - To act as an agent for a prostitute
Pug - Large animal with a curly tail
Nin tin dough - Computer games console
Min - Male of the species
Mess Kara - Eye make-up
McKennock - person who fixes cars
Mere - Mayor
Leather - Foam produced from soap
Lift - departed
Jungle Bills - Christmas carol
Inner me - enemy
Guess - vapour
Fush - Marine creatures
Ever cardeau - Avacado
Fear hear - Blonde
Ear - mixture of nitrogen and oxygen
Ear roebucks - excersise at the gym
Duffy cult - Not easy
Amejen - Visualise
Bug Hut - Popular recording
Bun Button - Been bitten by an insect
Beard - Place to sit
Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers
Beers - Large animals found in forests
One Doze - Well known operating system
Sex - One less than Sivven
Iggs Ecktly - Precisely
Beggage Chucken - Place to leave your suitcase at the airport.
Peck - To fill a suitcase
P*****-aside - Chemical which kills insects
Pigs - For hanging out washing
Pump - To act as an agent for a prostitute
Pug - Large animal with a curly tail
Nin tin dough - Computer games console
Min - Male of the species
Mess Kara - Eye make-up
McKennock - person who fixes cars
Mere - Mayor
Leather - Foam produced from soap
Lift - departed
Jungle Bills - Christmas carol
Inner me - enemy
Guess - vapour
Fush - Marine creatures
Ever cardeau - Avacado
Fear hear - Blonde
Ear - mixture of nitrogen and oxygen
Ear roebucks - excersise at the gym
Duffy cult - Not easy
Amejen - Visualise
Bug Hut - Popular recording
Bun Button - Been bitten by an insect
Beard - Place to sit
Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers
Beers - Large animals found in forests
One Doze - Well known operating system
Sex - One less than Sivven
Iggs Ecktly - Precisely
Beggage Chucken - Place to leave your suitcase at the airport.
Been done before, and not all of them are not ~that~ stupid!
> {Dumb Inventions}
Solar powered flashlight
It does exist! Charges during light and works and night! (ooooh that rhymes)
Screen window for a submarine
What?
Helicopter with an injection seat
I'm guessing you mean ejection seat, they too exist firing people out the sides.
> {Dumb Inventions}
Solar powered flashlight
It does exist! Charges during light and works and night! (ooooh that rhymes)
Screen window for a submarine
What?
Helicopter with an injection seat
I'm guessing you mean ejection seat, they too exist firing people out the sides.
CuBeRuLeZ wrote:
> These Are Worthy Of the Prize
>
> {Dumb Inventions}
>
> 1)Solar powered flashlight
> 2)Screen window for a submarine
> 3)Helicopter with an injection seat
> 4)Inflatable dart board
> 5)A tape on how to put together a vcr
> 6)The water proof tea bag
> 7)Water proof towel
> 8)A book on how to read
> 9)A dictionary index
> 10)Powdered water
> 11)Pedal-powered wheel chair
there pretty good cuberulez
> These Are Worthy Of the Prize
>
> {Dumb Inventions}
>
> 1)Solar powered flashlight
> 2)Screen window for a submarine
> 3)Helicopter with an injection seat
> 4)Inflatable dart board
> 5)A tape on how to put together a vcr
> 6)The water proof tea bag
> 7)Water proof towel
> 8)A book on how to read
> 9)A dictionary index
> 10)Powdered water
> 11)Pedal-powered wheel chair
there pretty good cuberulez
Okay, here's a few of my fave jokes, sorry for any spelling errors or innacuracies.
1. Paddy and Murphy were walking down a country lane one day when they passed two men on a bridge. One man was holding onto the other's legs, and was dangling him down into the river. Paddy asked what they were doing and was told by the men that they were fishing. Even as Paddy and Murphy watched, the man dangling in the river caught a fish between his hands and tossed it up onto the bridge where there were already a large box of them.
"It seems to be working for them" said Murphy, "Why don't we give it a try?" So at the next bridge they came to, Paddy took hold of Murphy's legs and dangled him off the side of the bridge. "Any luck?" called Paddy 30 minutes later.
"Nope, not yet", replied Murphy.
"Anything yet?", Paddy called again after another hour.
"Nothing", called back Murphy.
They continued there waiting, Paddy holding Murphy's legs.
"Surely you must have caught something by now", called down Paddy 3 hours later.
"Not a thing", replied Murphy.
A few minutes later, Murphy suddenly called out, "Hey pull me up quick.........there's a train coming!"
2. Paddy and Murphy went the town market one weekend and bought themselves a horse each. They lived in adjoining houses so they decided to keep their steeds in the same field at the back of their houses. Paddy was in a dilemma when they got the horses home though, "How are we going to tell whose horse is whose?", he asked worriedly, "We don't want to mix them up".
"Tell you what", said Murphy, "I'll cut the left ear off my horse, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its left ear. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's left ear.
"What did you do that for Paddy?", said Murphy, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"I know what we'll do", said Murphy, "I'll cut the right ear off my horse, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its right ear. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's right ear.
"You fool Paddy!", said Murphy, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"Hang on, I've a better idea", said Murphy, "I'll cut off my horse's tail, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its tail. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's tail.
"You buffoon Paddy!", said Murphy, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"Waitasec", said Murphy, "I'll cut off my horse's front right leg, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its front right leg. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's front right leg.
"You Plonker Paddy!", said Murphy, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"Tell you what", said Murphy, "I'll cut off my horse's front left leg, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its front left leg. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's front left leg.
"Paddy, why do you keep doing this?", wailed Murphy, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"Right, I know what to do", said Murphy, "I'll cut off my horse's rear right leg, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its rear right leg. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's rear right leg.
"Will you stop it Paddy!", shouted Murphy angrily, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"OK", said Murphy, "I'll cut off my horse's rear left leg, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its rear left leg. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's rear left leg.
"You absolute prat Paddy!", shouted Murphy angrily, "Now we'll never know whose horse is whose".
Murphy sat down and thought hard about the situation. "Tell you what", he said after a few moments, "Why don't you have the white one and I have the brown one?"
3. This is not exactly a joke as such, just a product description.
---Pack of 2(approx)---
Thankyou, I'm here all week. :-D
Sorry there's not more but I haven't got time.
Brew
1. Paddy and Murphy were walking down a country lane one day when they passed two men on a bridge. One man was holding onto the other's legs, and was dangling him down into the river. Paddy asked what they were doing and was told by the men that they were fishing. Even as Paddy and Murphy watched, the man dangling in the river caught a fish between his hands and tossed it up onto the bridge where there were already a large box of them.
"It seems to be working for them" said Murphy, "Why don't we give it a try?" So at the next bridge they came to, Paddy took hold of Murphy's legs and dangled him off the side of the bridge. "Any luck?" called Paddy 30 minutes later.
"Nope, not yet", replied Murphy.
"Anything yet?", Paddy called again after another hour.
"Nothing", called back Murphy.
They continued there waiting, Paddy holding Murphy's legs.
"Surely you must have caught something by now", called down Paddy 3 hours later.
"Not a thing", replied Murphy.
A few minutes later, Murphy suddenly called out, "Hey pull me up quick.........there's a train coming!"
2. Paddy and Murphy went the town market one weekend and bought themselves a horse each. They lived in adjoining houses so they decided to keep their steeds in the same field at the back of their houses. Paddy was in a dilemma when they got the horses home though, "How are we going to tell whose horse is whose?", he asked worriedly, "We don't want to mix them up".
"Tell you what", said Murphy, "I'll cut the left ear off my horse, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its left ear. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's left ear.
"What did you do that for Paddy?", said Murphy, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"I know what we'll do", said Murphy, "I'll cut the right ear off my horse, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its right ear. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's right ear.
"You fool Paddy!", said Murphy, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"Hang on, I've a better idea", said Murphy, "I'll cut off my horse's tail, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its tail. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's tail.
"You buffoon Paddy!", said Murphy, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"Waitasec", said Murphy, "I'll cut off my horse's front right leg, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its front right leg. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's front right leg.
"You Plonker Paddy!", said Murphy, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"Tell you what", said Murphy, "I'll cut off my horse's front left leg, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its front left leg. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's front left leg.
"Paddy, why do you keep doing this?", wailed Murphy, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"Right, I know what to do", said Murphy, "I'll cut off my horse's rear right leg, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its rear right leg. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's rear right leg.
"Will you stop it Paddy!", shouted Murphy angrily, "Now we won't know whose horse is whose".
"OK", said Murphy, "I'll cut off my horse's rear left leg, that way we'll be able to tell them apart". So he went over to his horse and cut off its rear left leg. When he returned though, he found that Paddy also had cut off his horse's rear left leg.
"You absolute prat Paddy!", shouted Murphy angrily, "Now we'll never know whose horse is whose".
Murphy sat down and thought hard about the situation. "Tell you what", he said after a few moments, "Why don't you have the white one and I have the brown one?"
3. This is not exactly a joke as such, just a product description.
---Pack of 2(approx)---
Thankyou, I'm here all week. :-D
Sorry there's not more but I haven't got time.
Brew
These Are Worthy Of the Prize
{Dumb Inventions}
1)Solar powered flashlight
2)Screen window for a submarine
3)Helicopter with an injection seat
4)Inflatable dart board
5)A tape on how to put together a vcr
6)The water proof tea bag
7)Water proof towel
8)A book on how to read
9)A dictionary index
10)Powdered water
11)Pedal-powered wheel chair
{Dumb Inventions}
1)Solar powered flashlight
2)Screen window for a submarine
3)Helicopter with an injection seat
4)Inflatable dart board
5)A tape on how to put together a vcr
6)The water proof tea bag
7)Water proof towel
8)A book on how to read
9)A dictionary index
10)Powdered water
11)Pedal-powered wheel chair
"in a perfect world with no fences or walls, there'd be no need for gates or windows."
Time_Warp wrote:
> Heres a cracker.
>
> I am going to be next notable!
---
I remember once you nearly did get voted as notable.
> Heres a cracker.
>
> I am going to be next notable!
---
I remember once you nearly did get voted as notable.
Time_Warp wrote:
> Heres a cracker.
>
> I am going to be next notable!
>
> Ba-Doom-Che-
>
> (:)
*laughing*
That deserves a GAD....
:-D
> Heres a cracker.
>
> I am going to be next notable!
>
> Ba-Doom-Che-
>
> (:)
*laughing*
That deserves a GAD....
:-D
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