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Girls like different things to boys.
That’s a given, but I have discovered that there are certain things, objects and foods, that are also only for boys and girls.
At great personal risk, I have managed to obtain the list from Estrogen HQ.
Programmes:
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
This is a girl’s show. To be watched only by girls that like a “bit of danger” and think Spike is “cute”. These girls are usually straight-laced but bad-at-heart girls that like to appear risky but still don’t want to do anything really daring like get a tattoo or pierce bits of their face.
If you watch this and are male, there are only two excuses:
(a) Your lady watches it and if you didn’t then you wouldn’t get any sugar.
(b) You are gay.
And you can’t use the excuse “I watch it because Buffy is hot”, because the fact you are watching this show means you either have a girlfriend, or you just want to wear her clothes anyway.
SEX IN THE CITY
Again, a total girl show.
For women, by women, about women.
Men don’t watch this because it’s everything we don’t like in women – it’s bitchy, whining, insecure and is invariably about their body shape and shoes and stuff.
Total Fem show with no redeeming male interests (and seeing 2 secs of boob does not justify the teeth-itching experience of being in a woman’s mind for 1hr per week)
HEARTBEAT/MONARCH OF THE GLEN/SUNDAY NIGHT 7-10pm SHOWS
These are all for women.
And women usually over the age of 38 at that. A nice, relaxing, warm and fluffy time of the evening for when the kids have been settled, chocolates have been opened and coffee made.
Men may watch these shows, but only because they are slumped in the armchair still working off Sunday lunch and it’s too early for a bath / w##k on the internet.
TOP GEAR
Man.
100% male show. If women watch this, it’s because they are lesbians or ugly and can’t get any men to live with them and fix their cars for them.
It’s about fast cars, and sometimes aeroplanes. This is man territory, stay away women.
PROGRAMMES ABOUT WAR
Male only zones.
NATURE DOCUMENTARIES
This is a tricky area.
Some shows are about lemurs and marmosets and other nice little animals, this is predominately a girl area.
But the ones about gorillas, sharks, crocs…any big killer animals are man episodes.
Or episodes about explorers (men) being brave and risking death from ice and stuff – Man show.
Food
SALAD
This is girl food.
Men cannot nor should not eat salad. Otherwise you’re a nancy boy that should be wearing plimsolls and worrying about his waist-size. You fairy.
Salad is acceptable on a man plate if used as a garnish only. Any more than a sprig and you are approaching “Well I shouldn’t really” zones. And that is not a place for a man.
FRUIT
Minefield of gender-issues.
TANGERINE
Girl. Easy to open, light and can be eaten WHILST DOING YOUR NAILS
ORANGES
Man. A sod to open, messy and take an age to eat. Best done whilst waiting for war movies to start on Channel 5 (bloke channel)
MELONS
Watermelon is unisex, but Galia and other melons are girly. For obvious reasons.
PRAWN COCKTAIL
Woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman. No man alive should have ever ordered one of these, otherwise you are a Femmy bloke with soft, luxuriant hair.
CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA
Woman. Typical curry ordered by woman (usually with a white wine), whilst men order Jalfrezi and madras and (only to attempted by drunken men in a group) Phaal.
QUICHE
So utterly female I’m feeling fruity just writing the word. Men have no business with chilled dairy products.
There are many others, but I’m bored and want a smoke. (Malboro is man smoke, Silk Cut is girly, B&H are Unisex. Lambert & Butler are pikey, no matter what sex).
That’s a given, but I have discovered that there are certain things, objects and foods, that are also only for boys and girls.
At great personal risk, I have managed to obtain the list from Estrogen HQ.
Programmes:
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
This is a girl’s show. To be watched only by girls that like a “bit of danger” and think Spike is “cute”. These girls are usually straight-laced but bad-at-heart girls that like to appear risky but still don’t want to do anything really daring like get a tattoo or pierce bits of their face.
If you watch this and are male, there are only two excuses:
(a) Your lady watches it and if you didn’t then you wouldn’t get any sugar.
(b) You are gay.
And you can’t use the excuse “I watch it because Buffy is hot”, because the fact you are watching this show means you either have a girlfriend, or you just want to wear her clothes anyway.
SEX IN THE CITY
Again, a total girl show.
For women, by women, about women.
Men don’t watch this because it’s everything we don’t like in women – it’s bitchy, whining, insecure and is invariably about their body shape and shoes and stuff.
Total Fem show with no redeeming male interests (and seeing 2 secs of boob does not justify the teeth-itching experience of being in a woman’s mind for 1hr per week)
HEARTBEAT/MONARCH OF THE GLEN/SUNDAY NIGHT 7-10pm SHOWS
These are all for women.
And women usually over the age of 38 at that. A nice, relaxing, warm and fluffy time of the evening for when the kids have been settled, chocolates have been opened and coffee made.
Men may watch these shows, but only because they are slumped in the armchair still working off Sunday lunch and it’s too early for a bath / w##k on the internet.
TOP GEAR
Man.
100% male show. If women watch this, it’s because they are lesbians or ugly and can’t get any men to live with them and fix their cars for them.
It’s about fast cars, and sometimes aeroplanes. This is man territory, stay away women.
PROGRAMMES ABOUT WAR
Male only zones.
NATURE DOCUMENTARIES
This is a tricky area.
Some shows are about lemurs and marmosets and other nice little animals, this is predominately a girl area.
But the ones about gorillas, sharks, crocs…any big killer animals are man episodes.
Or episodes about explorers (men) being brave and risking death from ice and stuff – Man show.
Food
SALAD
This is girl food.
Men cannot nor should not eat salad. Otherwise you’re a nancy boy that should be wearing plimsolls and worrying about his waist-size. You fairy.
Salad is acceptable on a man plate if used as a garnish only. Any more than a sprig and you are approaching “Well I shouldn’t really” zones. And that is not a place for a man.
FRUIT
Minefield of gender-issues.
TANGERINE
Girl. Easy to open, light and can be eaten WHILST DOING YOUR NAILS
ORANGES
Man. A sod to open, messy and take an age to eat. Best done whilst waiting for war movies to start on Channel 5 (bloke channel)
MELONS
Watermelon is unisex, but Galia and other melons are girly. For obvious reasons.
PRAWN COCKTAIL
Woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman. No man alive should have ever ordered one of these, otherwise you are a Femmy bloke with soft, luxuriant hair.
CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA
Woman. Typical curry ordered by woman (usually with a white wine), whilst men order Jalfrezi and madras and (only to attempted by drunken men in a group) Phaal.
QUICHE
So utterly female I’m feeling fruity just writing the word. Men have no business with chilled dairy products.
There are many others, but I’m bored and want a smoke. (Malboro is man smoke, Silk Cut is girly, B&H are Unisex. Lambert & Butler are pikey, no matter what sex).
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But that's the weak minded man's fault. Fight the woman, fight her!
[takes sip from tea]
[takes sip from tea]
Fair point, but you have to "help" them, or you have to put up with yellow curtains with blue flowers on for the next few years.
Decorating is woman.
When was the last time you ever thought "Ooo I could do with some new curtains"
Or, to put it another way, take a look at your bedroom.
Would a woman leave it like that?
No, they'd want to "tidy it up" and "put some paint up"
When was the last time you ever thought "Ooo I could do with some new curtains"
Or, to put it another way, take a look at your bedroom.
Would a woman leave it like that?
No, they'd want to "tidy it up" and "put some paint up"
Another:
Decorating.
Now, you may think WOMAN to start off with. BUT, if woman does it MAN has to put up with pink wallpaper. So, man or woman?
Decorating.
Now, you may think WOMAN to start off with. BUT, if woman does it MAN has to put up with pink wallpaper. So, man or woman?
Horse Riding is man.
Women tried to take that from us, but we remember the days when cowboys used them. No women cowboys.
Horse-riding in the wild: Man
Horse-Riding for rosettes: Woman
Women tried to take that from us, but we remember the days when cowboys used them. No women cowboys.
Horse-riding in the wild: Man
Horse-Riding for rosettes: Woman
Hmmm, you're probably right.
Saddles: Protect testicles.
Bareback: Doesn't.
Saddles: Protect testicles.
Bareback: Doesn't.
Saddle = Girl
Bareback = Man
Bareback = Man
Alright, another hard one.
Horse riding.
Put Steve Mcqueen on a horse, put Clint Eastwood on a horse, and tell me that's not manly.
But then you have the poncy "I love my Dasher, she won a rossette" crap that oozes from the girls that have yet to discover orgasms.
(You're having your way with words today, aren't you?)
I feel deservably open.
Horse riding.
Put Steve Mcqueen on a horse, put Clint Eastwood on a horse, and tell me that's not manly.
But then you have the poncy "I love my Dasher, she won a rossette" crap that oozes from the girls that have yet to discover orgasms.
(You're having your way with words today, aren't you?)
I feel deservably open.
Scalextric.
MAN! In a big way, man. Not child, but full grown adult racey-car-round-the-track type crashy scalextric type thing!
MAN! In a big way, man. Not child, but full grown adult racey-car-round-the-track type crashy scalextric type thing!
Crosswords:
Difficult one. My mum does them, which makes them seem girly. But loads of business toff blokes do them on the train on the way home from work.
Difficult one. My mum does them, which makes them seem girly. But loads of business toff blokes do them on the train on the way home from work.
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