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Girls like different things to boys.
That’s a given, but I have discovered that there are certain things, objects and foods, that are also only for boys and girls.
At great personal risk, I have managed to obtain the list from Estrogen HQ.
Programmes:
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
This is a girl’s show. To be watched only by girls that like a “bit of danger” and think Spike is “cute”. These girls are usually straight-laced but bad-at-heart girls that like to appear risky but still don’t want to do anything really daring like get a tattoo or pierce bits of their face.
If you watch this and are male, there are only two excuses:
(a) Your lady watches it and if you didn’t then you wouldn’t get any sugar.
(b) You are gay.
And you can’t use the excuse “I watch it because Buffy is hot”, because the fact you are watching this show means you either have a girlfriend, or you just want to wear her clothes anyway.
SEX IN THE CITY
Again, a total girl show.
For women, by women, about women.
Men don’t watch this because it’s everything we don’t like in women – it’s bitchy, whining, insecure and is invariably about their body shape and shoes and stuff.
Total Fem show with no redeeming male interests (and seeing 2 secs of boob does not justify the teeth-itching experience of being in a woman’s mind for 1hr per week)
HEARTBEAT/MONARCH OF THE GLEN/SUNDAY NIGHT 7-10pm SHOWS
These are all for women.
And women usually over the age of 38 at that. A nice, relaxing, warm and fluffy time of the evening for when the kids have been settled, chocolates have been opened and coffee made.
Men may watch these shows, but only because they are slumped in the armchair still working off Sunday lunch and it’s too early for a bath / w##k on the internet.
TOP GEAR
Man.
100% male show. If women watch this, it’s because they are lesbians or ugly and can’t get any men to live with them and fix their cars for them.
It’s about fast cars, and sometimes aeroplanes. This is man territory, stay away women.
PROGRAMMES ABOUT WAR
Male only zones.
NATURE DOCUMENTARIES
This is a tricky area.
Some shows are about lemurs and marmosets and other nice little animals, this is predominately a girl area.
But the ones about gorillas, sharks, crocs…any big killer animals are man episodes.
Or episodes about explorers (men) being brave and risking death from ice and stuff – Man show.
Food
SALAD
This is girl food.
Men cannot nor should not eat salad. Otherwise you’re a nancy boy that should be wearing plimsolls and worrying about his waist-size. You fairy.
Salad is acceptable on a man plate if used as a garnish only. Any more than a sprig and you are approaching “Well I shouldn’t really” zones. And that is not a place for a man.
FRUIT
Minefield of gender-issues.
TANGERINE
Girl. Easy to open, light and can be eaten WHILST DOING YOUR NAILS
ORANGES
Man. A sod to open, messy and take an age to eat. Best done whilst waiting for war movies to start on Channel 5 (bloke channel)
MELONS
Watermelon is unisex, but Galia and other melons are girly. For obvious reasons.
PRAWN COCKTAIL
Woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman. No man alive should have ever ordered one of these, otherwise you are a Femmy bloke with soft, luxuriant hair.
CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA
Woman. Typical curry ordered by woman (usually with a white wine), whilst men order Jalfrezi and madras and (only to attempted by drunken men in a group) Phaal.
QUICHE
So utterly female I’m feeling fruity just writing the word. Men have no business with chilled dairy products.
There are many others, but I’m bored and want a smoke. (Malboro is man smoke, Silk Cut is girly, B&H are Unisex. Lambert & Butler are pikey, no matter what sex).
That’s a given, but I have discovered that there are certain things, objects and foods, that are also only for boys and girls.
At great personal risk, I have managed to obtain the list from Estrogen HQ.
Programmes:
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
This is a girl’s show. To be watched only by girls that like a “bit of danger” and think Spike is “cute”. These girls are usually straight-laced but bad-at-heart girls that like to appear risky but still don’t want to do anything really daring like get a tattoo or pierce bits of their face.
If you watch this and are male, there are only two excuses:
(a) Your lady watches it and if you didn’t then you wouldn’t get any sugar.
(b) You are gay.
And you can’t use the excuse “I watch it because Buffy is hot”, because the fact you are watching this show means you either have a girlfriend, or you just want to wear her clothes anyway.
SEX IN THE CITY
Again, a total girl show.
For women, by women, about women.
Men don’t watch this because it’s everything we don’t like in women – it’s bitchy, whining, insecure and is invariably about their body shape and shoes and stuff.
Total Fem show with no redeeming male interests (and seeing 2 secs of boob does not justify the teeth-itching experience of being in a woman’s mind for 1hr per week)
HEARTBEAT/MONARCH OF THE GLEN/SUNDAY NIGHT 7-10pm SHOWS
These are all for women.
And women usually over the age of 38 at that. A nice, relaxing, warm and fluffy time of the evening for when the kids have been settled, chocolates have been opened and coffee made.
Men may watch these shows, but only because they are slumped in the armchair still working off Sunday lunch and it’s too early for a bath / w##k on the internet.
TOP GEAR
Man.
100% male show. If women watch this, it’s because they are lesbians or ugly and can’t get any men to live with them and fix their cars for them.
It’s about fast cars, and sometimes aeroplanes. This is man territory, stay away women.
PROGRAMMES ABOUT WAR
Male only zones.
NATURE DOCUMENTARIES
This is a tricky area.
Some shows are about lemurs and marmosets and other nice little animals, this is predominately a girl area.
But the ones about gorillas, sharks, crocs…any big killer animals are man episodes.
Or episodes about explorers (men) being brave and risking death from ice and stuff – Man show.
Food
SALAD
This is girl food.
Men cannot nor should not eat salad. Otherwise you’re a nancy boy that should be wearing plimsolls and worrying about his waist-size. You fairy.
Salad is acceptable on a man plate if used as a garnish only. Any more than a sprig and you are approaching “Well I shouldn’t really” zones. And that is not a place for a man.
FRUIT
Minefield of gender-issues.
TANGERINE
Girl. Easy to open, light and can be eaten WHILST DOING YOUR NAILS
ORANGES
Man. A sod to open, messy and take an age to eat. Best done whilst waiting for war movies to start on Channel 5 (bloke channel)
MELONS
Watermelon is unisex, but Galia and other melons are girly. For obvious reasons.
PRAWN COCKTAIL
Woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman. No man alive should have ever ordered one of these, otherwise you are a Femmy bloke with soft, luxuriant hair.
CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA
Woman. Typical curry ordered by woman (usually with a white wine), whilst men order Jalfrezi and madras and (only to attempted by drunken men in a group) Phaal.
QUICHE
So utterly female I’m feeling fruity just writing the word. Men have no business with chilled dairy products.
There are many others, but I’m bored and want a smoke. (Malboro is man smoke, Silk Cut is girly, B&H are Unisex. Lambert & Butler are pikey, no matter what sex).
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Apart from Bridge. That be a bird game.
Driving games are only great with the RHCP's blasting in the background, preferably One Hot Minute.
Card games. That's tricky again.
Poker, blackjack, even solitaire. Oddly manly.
But then, women have this odd point of moving their whole damn body when they put cards down.
Which makes it seem girly.
But cards are definitely man games. Women try to steal it and fail.
Card games. That's tricky again.
Poker, blackjack, even solitaire. Oddly manly.
But then, women have this odd point of moving their whole damn body when they put cards down.
Which makes it seem girly.
But cards are definitely man games. Women try to steal it and fail.
Yes!
Barbeque
*thumps chest*
But no jacket potato. That's a big girl food for barbeque.
Must be slabs of charred meat and mustard.
Barbeque
*thumps chest*
But no jacket potato. That's a big girl food for barbeque.
Must be slabs of charred meat and mustard.
Barbecues: Man.
Only men can not give a crap that it looks like they're eating a burnt dog-***d after it was left cooking for three hours longer than it should have been.
Only men can not give a crap that it looks like they're eating a burnt dog-***d after it was left cooking for three hours longer than it should have been.
Beat 'em Ups
Man. Except women do play them, but they don't learn the combos or anything. They merely mash the buttons and win by chance. They could be playing with their feet for all the skill they display.
And they always choose the girl characters.
Characters with massive norks and short skirts.
Proving that beat 'em ups are man.
Man. Except women do play them, but they don't learn the combos or anything. They merely mash the buttons and win by chance. They could be playing with their feet for all the skill they display.
And they always choose the girl characters.
Characters with massive norks and short skirts.
Proving that beat 'em ups are man.
(Better explain, the Fight like a Cow joke was a Monkey Island geek thing. Great games, everyone should play.)
Point and click adventures, man or woman?
(Man. Woman although enjoys control, does not have the time to think about such pointless activities, and divulge her time away from cheaply made soap operas which have been circulating the same six plots since it's birth.)
Right.
Point and click adventures, man or woman?
(Man. Woman although enjoys control, does not have the time to think about such pointless activities, and divulge her time away from cheaply made soap operas which have been circulating the same six plots since it's birth.)
Right.
So thats where you've been...
Playing my new X-Box, mr ars.
Playing my new X-Box, mr ars.
I would rather eat a tangerine salad, drinking Hooch and watching Sex in The City.
In a dress.
In a dress.
Yeah...well...er..
I just like good nails, thats all.
Bet you listen to Britney Spears.
I just like good nails, thats all.
Bet you listen to Britney Spears.
I just like to get in touch with my feminine side.
Mr Tangerine.
Mr Tangerine.
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