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Girls like different things to boys.
That’s a given, but I have discovered that there are certain things, objects and foods, that are also only for boys and girls.
At great personal risk, I have managed to obtain the list from Estrogen HQ.
Programmes:
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
This is a girl’s show. To be watched only by girls that like a “bit of danger” and think Spike is “cute”. These girls are usually straight-laced but bad-at-heart girls that like to appear risky but still don’t want to do anything really daring like get a tattoo or pierce bits of their face.
If you watch this and are male, there are only two excuses:
(a) Your lady watches it and if you didn’t then you wouldn’t get any sugar.
(b) You are gay.
And you can’t use the excuse “I watch it because Buffy is hot”, because the fact you are watching this show means you either have a girlfriend, or you just want to wear her clothes anyway.
SEX IN THE CITY
Again, a total girl show.
For women, by women, about women.
Men don’t watch this because it’s everything we don’t like in women – it’s bitchy, whining, insecure and is invariably about their body shape and shoes and stuff.
Total Fem show with no redeeming male interests (and seeing 2 secs of boob does not justify the teeth-itching experience of being in a woman’s mind for 1hr per week)
HEARTBEAT/MONARCH OF THE GLEN/SUNDAY NIGHT 7-10pm SHOWS
These are all for women.
And women usually over the age of 38 at that. A nice, relaxing, warm and fluffy time of the evening for when the kids have been settled, chocolates have been opened and coffee made.
Men may watch these shows, but only because they are slumped in the armchair still working off Sunday lunch and it’s too early for a bath / w##k on the internet.
TOP GEAR
Man.
100% male show. If women watch this, it’s because they are lesbians or ugly and can’t get any men to live with them and fix their cars for them.
It’s about fast cars, and sometimes aeroplanes. This is man territory, stay away women.
PROGRAMMES ABOUT WAR
Male only zones.
NATURE DOCUMENTARIES
This is a tricky area.
Some shows are about lemurs and marmosets and other nice little animals, this is predominately a girl area.
But the ones about gorillas, sharks, crocs…any big killer animals are man episodes.
Or episodes about explorers (men) being brave and risking death from ice and stuff – Man show.
Food
SALAD
This is girl food.
Men cannot nor should not eat salad. Otherwise you’re a nancy boy that should be wearing plimsolls and worrying about his waist-size. You fairy.
Salad is acceptable on a man plate if used as a garnish only. Any more than a sprig and you are approaching “Well I shouldn’t really” zones. And that is not a place for a man.
FRUIT
Minefield of gender-issues.
TANGERINE
Girl. Easy to open, light and can be eaten WHILST DOING YOUR NAILS
ORANGES
Man. A sod to open, messy and take an age to eat. Best done whilst waiting for war movies to start on Channel 5 (bloke channel)
MELONS
Watermelon is unisex, but Galia and other melons are girly. For obvious reasons.
PRAWN COCKTAIL
Woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman. No man alive should have ever ordered one of these, otherwise you are a Femmy bloke with soft, luxuriant hair.
CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA
Woman. Typical curry ordered by woman (usually with a white wine), whilst men order Jalfrezi and madras and (only to attempted by drunken men in a group) Phaal.
QUICHE
So utterly female I’m feeling fruity just writing the word. Men have no business with chilled dairy products.
There are many others, but I’m bored and want a smoke. (Malboro is man smoke, Silk Cut is girly, B&H are Unisex. Lambert & Butler are pikey, no matter what sex).
That’s a given, but I have discovered that there are certain things, objects and foods, that are also only for boys and girls.
At great personal risk, I have managed to obtain the list from Estrogen HQ.
Programmes:
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
This is a girl’s show. To be watched only by girls that like a “bit of danger” and think Spike is “cute”. These girls are usually straight-laced but bad-at-heart girls that like to appear risky but still don’t want to do anything really daring like get a tattoo or pierce bits of their face.
If you watch this and are male, there are only two excuses:
(a) Your lady watches it and if you didn’t then you wouldn’t get any sugar.
(b) You are gay.
And you can’t use the excuse “I watch it because Buffy is hot”, because the fact you are watching this show means you either have a girlfriend, or you just want to wear her clothes anyway.
SEX IN THE CITY
Again, a total girl show.
For women, by women, about women.
Men don’t watch this because it’s everything we don’t like in women – it’s bitchy, whining, insecure and is invariably about their body shape and shoes and stuff.
Total Fem show with no redeeming male interests (and seeing 2 secs of boob does not justify the teeth-itching experience of being in a woman’s mind for 1hr per week)
HEARTBEAT/MONARCH OF THE GLEN/SUNDAY NIGHT 7-10pm SHOWS
These are all for women.
And women usually over the age of 38 at that. A nice, relaxing, warm and fluffy time of the evening for when the kids have been settled, chocolates have been opened and coffee made.
Men may watch these shows, but only because they are slumped in the armchair still working off Sunday lunch and it’s too early for a bath / w##k on the internet.
TOP GEAR
Man.
100% male show. If women watch this, it’s because they are lesbians or ugly and can’t get any men to live with them and fix their cars for them.
It’s about fast cars, and sometimes aeroplanes. This is man territory, stay away women.
PROGRAMMES ABOUT WAR
Male only zones.
NATURE DOCUMENTARIES
This is a tricky area.
Some shows are about lemurs and marmosets and other nice little animals, this is predominately a girl area.
But the ones about gorillas, sharks, crocs…any big killer animals are man episodes.
Or episodes about explorers (men) being brave and risking death from ice and stuff – Man show.
Food
SALAD
This is girl food.
Men cannot nor should not eat salad. Otherwise you’re a nancy boy that should be wearing plimsolls and worrying about his waist-size. You fairy.
Salad is acceptable on a man plate if used as a garnish only. Any more than a sprig and you are approaching “Well I shouldn’t really” zones. And that is not a place for a man.
FRUIT
Minefield of gender-issues.
TANGERINE
Girl. Easy to open, light and can be eaten WHILST DOING YOUR NAILS
ORANGES
Man. A sod to open, messy and take an age to eat. Best done whilst waiting for war movies to start on Channel 5 (bloke channel)
MELONS
Watermelon is unisex, but Galia and other melons are girly. For obvious reasons.
PRAWN COCKTAIL
Woman woman woman woman woman woman woman woman. No man alive should have ever ordered one of these, otherwise you are a Femmy bloke with soft, luxuriant hair.
CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA
Woman. Typical curry ordered by woman (usually with a white wine), whilst men order Jalfrezi and madras and (only to attempted by drunken men in a group) Phaal.
QUICHE
So utterly female I’m feeling fruity just writing the word. Men have no business with chilled dairy products.
There are many others, but I’m bored and want a smoke. (Malboro is man smoke, Silk Cut is girly, B&H are Unisex. Lambert & Butler are pikey, no matter what sex).
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Watching Destiny's Child videos, fair enough. We all do that, I'm sure.
Listening to their music on CD, bollix. Camp, that is.
Listening to their music on CD, bollix. Camp, that is.
Your Honour wrote:
> Uh-oh. I can see this heading into a:
Yeah! But what about when women go
> shopping!
Type thread.
---
Nah, because this isn't the difference between men and women.
Shopping is woman.
End of story
Unless it's for electronics, then it's man.
> Uh-oh. I can see this heading into a:
Yeah! But what about when women go
> shopping!
Type thread.
---
Nah, because this isn't the difference between men and women.
Shopping is woman.
End of story
Unless it's for electronics, then it's man.
Goatboy wrote:
> Clear the floor?
Yep. I liken it to a hurd of wilderbeast discovering an oasis after 6 weeks of drought.
Put it this way - there's nothing worse than a load of mingers on a mission.
> Clear the floor?
Yep. I liken it to a hurd of wilderbeast discovering an oasis after 6 weeks of drought.
Put it this way - there's nothing worse than a load of mingers on a mission.
Grix Thraves wrote:
> And don't you dare call me a Nancy when you wield your saber like a damn feather
> duster.
(How appropriate. You fight like a cow.)
Shut up.
---
Yeah well...er...
> And don't you dare call me a Nancy when you wield your saber like a damn feather
> duster.
(How appropriate. You fight like a cow.)
Shut up.
---
Yeah well...er...
Gah:
Mullets are most definitely man. Think bikers. Perhaps gay, but still man.
(All bikers are gay?)
That's not what I said.
And "Independent Women", the theme tune to "CHARLIE'S Angels."
Figure that one out.
Mullets are most definitely man. Think bikers. Perhaps gay, but still man.
(All bikers are gay?)
That's not what I said.
And "Independent Women", the theme tune to "CHARLIE'S Angels."
Figure that one out.
Uh-oh. I can see this heading into a:
Yeah! But what about when women go shopping!
Type thread.
Yeah! But what about when women go shopping!
Type thread.
And don't you dare call me a Nancy when you wield your saber like a damn feather duster.
(How appropriate. You fight like a cow.)
Shut up.
(How appropriate. You fight like a cow.)
Shut up.
Argh too much doublethink
Men have on average two pairs of shoes:
Work or such
Social or such
Woman have a pair for every occasion:
Work - nice day
Work - bad day
Walking home shoes
Gym Shoes
Restaurant Shoes
etc
Men have on average two pairs of shoes:
Work or such
Social or such
Woman have a pair for every occasion:
Work - nice day
Work - bad day
Walking home shoes
Gym Shoes
Restaurant Shoes
etc
Clear the floor?
No, you stay on the floor and get surrounded by Boo-tay.
Watch their videos and tell me that they think "Hey, we'll dress in wet bikinis and hotpants to show our female empowerment."
Yeah, tell it to Trisha
No, you stay on the floor and get surrounded by Boo-tay.
Watch their videos and tell me that they think "Hey, we'll dress in wet bikinis and hotpants to show our female empowerment."
Yeah, tell it to Trisha
Goatboy wrote:
And Destiny's Child is man music, because
> you look at them and think "Yes. Yes I would".
Their videos aren't
> made with women in mind.
But the music is made BY women FOR women!
Sorry its bird music - ever been to a club and that comes on? Clear the floor its an independant (for 3 minutes) woman fest!
And Destiny's Child is man music, because
> you look at them and think "Yes. Yes I would".
Their videos aren't
> made with women in mind.
But the music is made BY women FOR women!
Sorry its bird music - ever been to a club and that comes on? Clear the floor its an independant (for 3 minutes) woman fest!
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