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Ok, so this will probably fall flat on its face but its worth a go. The other week, Grix started that thread where everyone posted something they wanted everyone to do and it went down brilliantly.
In this one, just post something funny, something that will make everyone laugh. Stupid stories, good jokes... anything which makes everyone laugh! Stories can be true, ones you've found on the net or ones that have happened to you... if its funny then 'stick it in'.
Hope you enjoy reading whatever goes in here!
(if there is another thread somewhere which i have missed for this kinda stuff then i apologise!)
In this one, just post something funny, something that will make everyone laugh. Stupid stories, good jokes... anything which makes everyone laugh! Stories can be true, ones you've found on the net or ones that have happened to you... if its funny then 'stick it in'.
Hope you enjoy reading whatever goes in here!
(if there is another thread somewhere which i have missed for this kinda stuff then i apologise!)
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BRONX BASED JOKED.
Hey buddy, you soiled your pants?
Soild 'em? I only just boight 'em!
Hey buddy, you soiled your pants?
Soild 'em? I only just boight 'em!
Well. I want to ride a push bike off a clift into the sea. I saw someone do it once. It was soo class.
There's one like that about the Battersea dogs home, but I have yet to meet somebody that DOESNT know that one.
Did you hear about the people in Afganistan not being able to watch TV - its because of the Tele-ban!
:D
:D
Doughnut Monster wrote:
> uksgamer2002 wrote:
> YOW. That true?
Yep every last bit of it!
cool!
> uksgamer2002 wrote:
> YOW. That true?
Yep every last bit of it!
cool!
Well... i didnt expect this when i made the thread!
Bet they won't be doing that in this country. Fireballs Godzilla would be proud of, ha ha.:)
uksgamer2002 wrote:
> YOW. That true?
Yep every last bit of it!
> YOW. That true?
Yep every last bit of it!
YOW. That true?
Feast your eyes on this!
Hydrogen Beer Disaster
(1999, Tokyo) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is
at the heart of a three-way lawsuit between
unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the
Tike-Take karaoke bar, and the Asaka Beer
Corporation. Mr. Otoma is suing the bar and the
brewery for selling toxic substances, and is claiming
damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss
of his job. The bar is counter-suing for defamation
and loss of customers.
The Asaka Beer corporation brews "Suiso" brand
beer, in which the carbon dioxide normally used to
add fizz has been replaced by the more
environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. Two side
effects of the hydrogen gas have made the beer
extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and
discotheques.
First, because hydrogen molecules are lighter than
air, sound waves are transmitted more rapidly, so
individuals whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic
gas can speak with an uncharacteristically high
voice. Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic urbanites
can now sing soprano parts on karaoke sing-along
machines after consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.
Second, the flammable nature of hydrogen has also
become a selling point, though it should be noted that
Asaka has not acknowledged that this was a
deliberate marketing ploy.
The beer has inspired a new fashion of blowing
flames from one's mouth using a cigarette as an
ignition source. Many new karaoke videos feature
singers shooting blue flames in slow motion, while
flame contests take place in pubs everywhere. "Mr.
Otoma has no one to blame but himself. If he had not
become drunk and disorderly, none of this would
have happened. Our security guards undergo the
most careful screening and training before they are
allowed to deal with customers," said Mr. Takashi
Nomura, Manager of the Tike-Take bar.
"Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in
order to maximize the size of the flames he could
belch during the contest. He catapulted balls of fire
across the room that Godzilla would be proud of, but
this was not enough to win him first prize since the
judgment is made on the quality of the flames and the
singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager he was badly
out of tune."
"He took exception to the result and hurled blue
fireballs at the judge, singeing the front of a female
judge's hair and entirely removing her eyebrows and
lashes, and ruining the clothes of two nearby
customers. None of these people have returned to
my bar. When our security staff approached Mr.
Otoma, he turned his attentions to them, making it
almost impossible to approach him. Our head
bouncer had no choice but to hurl himself at Mr.
Otoma's knees, knocking his legs from under him."
"The laws of physics are not to be disobeyed, and
the force that propelled Mr. Otoma's legs backwards
also pivoted around his center of gravity and moved
his upper body forward with equal velocity. It was his
own fault that he had his mouth open for the next
belch, his own fault that he held a lighted cigarette in
front of it, and his own fault that he swallowed that
cigarette."
"The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the
subsequent internal combustion, rupture of his
stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to his
esophagus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding
gases forced their way out of his body. Mr. Otoma's
consequential muteness and loss of employment are
his own fault."
Mr. Otoma was unavailable for comment
Hydrogen Beer Disaster
(1999, Tokyo) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is
at the heart of a three-way lawsuit between
unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the
Tike-Take karaoke bar, and the Asaka Beer
Corporation. Mr. Otoma is suing the bar and the
brewery for selling toxic substances, and is claiming
damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss
of his job. The bar is counter-suing for defamation
and loss of customers.
The Asaka Beer corporation brews "Suiso" brand
beer, in which the carbon dioxide normally used to
add fizz has been replaced by the more
environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. Two side
effects of the hydrogen gas have made the beer
extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and
discotheques.
First, because hydrogen molecules are lighter than
air, sound waves are transmitted more rapidly, so
individuals whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic
gas can speak with an uncharacteristically high
voice. Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic urbanites
can now sing soprano parts on karaoke sing-along
machines after consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.
Second, the flammable nature of hydrogen has also
become a selling point, though it should be noted that
Asaka has not acknowledged that this was a
deliberate marketing ploy.
The beer has inspired a new fashion of blowing
flames from one's mouth using a cigarette as an
ignition source. Many new karaoke videos feature
singers shooting blue flames in slow motion, while
flame contests take place in pubs everywhere. "Mr.
Otoma has no one to blame but himself. If he had not
become drunk and disorderly, none of this would
have happened. Our security guards undergo the
most careful screening and training before they are
allowed to deal with customers," said Mr. Takashi
Nomura, Manager of the Tike-Take bar.
"Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in
order to maximize the size of the flames he could
belch during the contest. He catapulted balls of fire
across the room that Godzilla would be proud of, but
this was not enough to win him first prize since the
judgment is made on the quality of the flames and the
singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager he was badly
out of tune."
"He took exception to the result and hurled blue
fireballs at the judge, singeing the front of a female
judge's hair and entirely removing her eyebrows and
lashes, and ruining the clothes of two nearby
customers. None of these people have returned to
my bar. When our security staff approached Mr.
Otoma, he turned his attentions to them, making it
almost impossible to approach him. Our head
bouncer had no choice but to hurl himself at Mr.
Otoma's knees, knocking his legs from under him."
"The laws of physics are not to be disobeyed, and
the force that propelled Mr. Otoma's legs backwards
also pivoted around his center of gravity and moved
his upper body forward with equal velocity. It was his
own fault that he had his mouth open for the next
belch, his own fault that he held a lighted cigarette in
front of it, and his own fault that he swallowed that
cigarette."
"The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the
subsequent internal combustion, rupture of his
stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to his
esophagus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding
gases forced their way out of his body. Mr. Otoma's
consequential muteness and loss of employment are
his own fault."
Mr. Otoma was unavailable for comment
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