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Ok, so this will probably fall flat on its face but its worth a go. The other week, Grix started that thread where everyone posted something they wanted everyone to do and it went down brilliantly.
In this one, just post something funny, something that will make everyone laugh. Stupid stories, good jokes... anything which makes everyone laugh! Stories can be true, ones you've found on the net or ones that have happened to you... if its funny then 'stick it in'.
Hope you enjoy reading whatever goes in here!
(if there is another thread somewhere which i have missed for this kinda stuff then i apologise!)
In this one, just post something funny, something that will make everyone laugh. Stupid stories, good jokes... anything which makes everyone laugh! Stories can be true, ones you've found on the net or ones that have happened to you... if its funny then 'stick it in'.
Hope you enjoy reading whatever goes in here!
(if there is another thread somewhere which i have missed for this kinda stuff then i apologise!)
Page:
Mr.Snuggly wrote:
.......
Still recovering from this one!
You Genius
.......
Still recovering from this one!
You Genius
A man walks into a pub with a pork pie on his head. Obviously, the barman is slightly confused by this, and confronts the man. "Excuse me mate, did you know you're wearing a pork pie on your head?" "Yeah," says the man. "I do it every Tuesday." "But today is Wednesday," says the barman. "Oh no!" says the man, "I must look like a right idiot!"
Cheers Ali!
10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves
a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again
10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves
a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again
Q:waht goes ninety nine, thump.
A:An icecream man been mugged.
A:An icecream man been mugged.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. After a few minutes he starts dialing numbers...like telephone...but on the back of his hand. He then flips his hand over and starts talking into the palm of his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble from weirdos here. The guy says "You don't understand, I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular." The bartender says "Prove it!", so the guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a brief conversation. "That's incredible" says the bartender, "I would never have believed it!" "Yeah" said the guy, "I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?" The bartender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in, and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn't return. Fearing the worst, given the violence in the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room. The guy is spread-eagle against the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper shoved up his butt.
"Oh my God!" said the bartender. "Did the locals rob you" Are you hurt?" The guy casually turns around and says, "No, I'm OK. I'm just waiting for a fax."
One of the best jokes I have heard in a long time. : )
"Oh my God!" said the bartender. "Did the locals rob you" Are you hurt?" The guy casually turns around and says, "No, I'm OK. I'm just waiting for a fax."
One of the best jokes I have heard in a long time. : )
HER SIDE OF THE STORY
He was in an odd mood when I got to the pub, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.
We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I loved him and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what l that meant because you know he doesn't say it back or anything.
We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me!
So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but instead I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else???
HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
Man utd lost. Tired. Bit Pi$$hed. Got a quickie though
He was in an odd mood when I got to the pub, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.
We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I loved him and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what l that meant because you know he doesn't say it back or anything.
We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me!
So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but instead I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else???
HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
Man utd lost. Tired. Bit Pi$$hed. Got a quickie though
My mate got so drunk in a nightclub he shat himself.
Well I laughed seeing him sprawled on the floor in a stinky mess.
We left him and went home.
Well I laughed seeing him sprawled on the floor in a stinky mess.
We left him and went home.
Heres a joke i heard today - i laughed for ages over this one. Sad i know but then thats my sense of humour! :D
******
There are two pieces of tarmac sitting in a bar. They're both slurping away at their pints when the first piece of tarmac turns to the second and says:
"I'm well hard me. Ya know, i'm the hardest bit of tarmac around. I'll smash any other piece of tarmac wiv fase, just name the time and place."
The second piece of tarmac seems impressed.
"Wow, dont think i'd mess with ya. Anyway, don't get carried away, lets just finish our drinks"
They both continue drinking and eventually a red piece of tarmac walks into the room. It goes and sits over in the corner and starts giving the 'hard piece of tarmac' funny looks.
The second piece of tarmac says to the first:
"Eh mate, you see that red tarmac over there... he ain't half looking at you funny. I think he's got a problem with you. You gonna show us how hard you really are and go 'sort him out'?"
The first piece of tarmac turns round and sees the red tarmac looking at him. He turns back and is looking very pale.
"Listen mate, i'm gonna have to go. That red tarmac ain't to be messed with"
The second piece of tarmac replies
"WHAT? You just went on about how hard you are and how you could have any other piece of tarmac. Now, at the first sign of a fight, you are running away. I think you made it all up"
The first says back
"No, no. I am really hard. Its just that hes a cycle path!"
****
Oh how i laughed. Sorry! Sad strange little man - i know!
Oh and yes, i am very aware that cycle paths are green in some places!
******
There are two pieces of tarmac sitting in a bar. They're both slurping away at their pints when the first piece of tarmac turns to the second and says:
"I'm well hard me. Ya know, i'm the hardest bit of tarmac around. I'll smash any other piece of tarmac wiv fase, just name the time and place."
The second piece of tarmac seems impressed.
"Wow, dont think i'd mess with ya. Anyway, don't get carried away, lets just finish our drinks"
They both continue drinking and eventually a red piece of tarmac walks into the room. It goes and sits over in the corner and starts giving the 'hard piece of tarmac' funny looks.
The second piece of tarmac says to the first:
"Eh mate, you see that red tarmac over there... he ain't half looking at you funny. I think he's got a problem with you. You gonna show us how hard you really are and go 'sort him out'?"
The first piece of tarmac turns round and sees the red tarmac looking at him. He turns back and is looking very pale.
"Listen mate, i'm gonna have to go. That red tarmac ain't to be messed with"
The second piece of tarmac replies
"WHAT? You just went on about how hard you are and how you could have any other piece of tarmac. Now, at the first sign of a fight, you are running away. I think you made it all up"
The first says back
"No, no. I am really hard. Its just that hes a cycle path!"
****
Oh how i laughed. Sorry! Sad strange little man - i know!
Oh and yes, i am very aware that cycle paths are green in some places!
Ok, so this will probably fall flat on its face but its worth a go. The other week, Grix started that thread where everyone posted something they wanted everyone to do and it went down brilliantly.
In this one, just post something funny, something that will make everyone laugh. Stupid stories, good jokes... anything which makes everyone laugh! Stories can be true, ones you've found on the net or ones that have happened to you... if its funny then 'stick it in'.
Hope you enjoy reading whatever goes in here!
(if there is another thread somewhere which i have missed for this kinda stuff then i apologise!)
In this one, just post something funny, something that will make everyone laugh. Stupid stories, good jokes... anything which makes everyone laugh! Stories can be true, ones you've found on the net or ones that have happened to you... if its funny then 'stick it in'.
Hope you enjoy reading whatever goes in here!
(if there is another thread somewhere which i have missed for this kinda stuff then i apologise!)
Page: