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Finished! This one took a fair while to go through, due to many of you neglecting the 'keep it simple' rule, and writing Spielberg-esque epics. Still, they were all very good and it was tough to pick a singular winning post, but we had to, so we did.
WINNER - Meka Dragon, for his Love-A-Duck, Muddy-Funster, Mockney-Cockney, Gangster Crime Comedy Caper. Guy Ritchie will be beating down your door. You get to choose a DVD under £25 for your prize.
Again, congrats to everyone who entered, you're all winners (just winners in a metaphorical sense). Keep up the quality writing, crew!
Snuggly
-----------------------------------------------------------
Okay, here's an Extra Filmaday Prize, for all you film lovers out there. The best entry(ies) will win a DVD of their choice, under £25. All you have to do for this one is concoct a movie, featuring at least 5 of the UKchatforums.com regulars and at least one member of SR staff. This movie can be funny, gritty, tragic, hard-hitting, or just plain stoopid, but it must be chat related.
However, don't take this as a command to go and write an actual film, we just want a summary of what will happen, a synopsis, if you will. Keep it simple, keep it clever and keep it chat, and you're laughing. You must also use the following phrases:
"Get the monkey off the roof."
"How'd he fit it in there?"
"No, it's only the postman"
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?"
Okay, the rules are set, just don't post megalong scripts, as we won't read them (our eyes hurt). This one will end at midnight on Sunday November 18th, so you've got plenty of time to think up your blockbuster. Get to it, you Spielbergs.
WINNER - Meka Dragon, for his Love-A-Duck, Muddy-Funster, Mockney-Cockney, Gangster Crime Comedy Caper. Guy Ritchie will be beating down your door. You get to choose a DVD under £25 for your prize.
Again, congrats to everyone who entered, you're all winners (just winners in a metaphorical sense). Keep up the quality writing, crew!
Snuggly
-----------------------------------------------------------
Okay, here's an Extra Filmaday Prize, for all you film lovers out there. The best entry(ies) will win a DVD of their choice, under £25. All you have to do for this one is concoct a movie, featuring at least 5 of the UKchatforums.com regulars and at least one member of SR staff. This movie can be funny, gritty, tragic, hard-hitting, or just plain stoopid, but it must be chat related.
However, don't take this as a command to go and write an actual film, we just want a summary of what will happen, a synopsis, if you will. Keep it simple, keep it clever and keep it chat, and you're laughing. You must also use the following phrases:
"Get the monkey off the roof."
"How'd he fit it in there?"
"No, it's only the postman"
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?"
Okay, the rules are set, just don't post megalong scripts, as we won't read them (our eyes hurt). This one will end at midnight on Sunday November 18th, so you've got plenty of time to think up your blockbuster. Get to it, you Spielbergs.
Page:
*slowly stepping away from the_votanator*
n-n-nice p-post the_votanator.
n-n-nice p-post the_votanator.
Men of FOG
Slogan: Protecting FOG from the scum of the Universe
It starts off with an alien threat on the world. The evil Lord Goatboy (alien emperor) has told President Tony (no, not the president of the US, the President of the WORLD!!!) to hand over Special Reserve. Of course this is not an option for the President and as always in a moment of need, he calls his mother. ìMotherî he says worryingly. ìWhat do I do?î
ìThis is not your mother Mr. President Sir. You must have dialed the wrong number.î
ìIf thatís not my mother then who is it?î
ìErrrrÖitís-ì
President Tony is then distracted by a dancing clown who has attached himself to the ceiling of the World White House. ìGet the monkey off the roofî President Tony says angrily. ìNow, where were weî he says into the phone, ìAhh yes, thatís it. I wanted to know who you were.î
ìOh of course.î
ìYouíre not some sort of terrorist or alien group leader are you?î
ìNo, no. Itís just the postman.î
ìAhh well in that caseÖ..hold on. Then how did you know it was the President?î
The line goes dead. The President is no idiot. He knows it was an alien so he calls the Men of Fog. He tells them to get their two best men ready for war. Zed, who is known as Dav1d on weekends, chooses his two best men, Grix and FM. They are the Men of FOG. They dress in the clothes of FOG, they speak in the ways of FOG and they KILL for FOG. They put on their clothes of FOG and sunglasses for seeing through thick mist and FOG (haha) while really corny music is playing. They are briefed and told their mission ñ to capture Evil Lord GoatboyÖ..ALLLIIIIIIVE!!! (said in a Dr. Evil voice of course).
So they set out in a special space ship to get Goatboy. On their way however, their space ship malfunctions and they land on a desert planet to fix their ship. It turns out that a man was stuck in the exhaust pipe. ìHowíd he fit in there?î asked FM. ìWellî said Grix, removing the arms first, then the legs, ìI donít think he intended to get stuck in there. Somebody chopped him up and put him in there.î DUN DUN DUNÖ.
But they set on their way all the same while back on earth the saboteur, Stryke is attacking President Tony. Of course, Tony, being the crack martial artist and ex-seal that he is quickly disposes of Stryke and puts him in the trash can.
Back to FM and Grix. They manage to get to Goatboyís secret hideout (which wasnít so secret) and they grab Goatboy. They stuff him in the ship and fly back to earth where President Tony is waiting. Then, just for fun, they decide to beat Goatboy to death whilst laughing insanely. ìSpecial Reserve is mineî shouts Tony ìMwahahahahahî.
THE END
Slogan: Protecting FOG from the scum of the Universe
It starts off with an alien threat on the world. The evil Lord Goatboy (alien emperor) has told President Tony (no, not the president of the US, the President of the WORLD!!!) to hand over Special Reserve. Of course this is not an option for the President and as always in a moment of need, he calls his mother. ìMotherî he says worryingly. ìWhat do I do?î
ìThis is not your mother Mr. President Sir. You must have dialed the wrong number.î
ìIf thatís not my mother then who is it?î
ìErrrrÖitís-ì
President Tony is then distracted by a dancing clown who has attached himself to the ceiling of the World White House. ìGet the monkey off the roofî President Tony says angrily. ìNow, where were weî he says into the phone, ìAhh yes, thatís it. I wanted to know who you were.î
ìOh of course.î
ìYouíre not some sort of terrorist or alien group leader are you?î
ìNo, no. Itís just the postman.î
ìAhh well in that caseÖ..hold on. Then how did you know it was the President?î
The line goes dead. The President is no idiot. He knows it was an alien so he calls the Men of Fog. He tells them to get their two best men ready for war. Zed, who is known as Dav1d on weekends, chooses his two best men, Grix and FM. They are the Men of FOG. They dress in the clothes of FOG, they speak in the ways of FOG and they KILL for FOG. They put on their clothes of FOG and sunglasses for seeing through thick mist and FOG (haha) while really corny music is playing. They are briefed and told their mission ñ to capture Evil Lord GoatboyÖ..ALLLIIIIIIVE!!! (said in a Dr. Evil voice of course).
So they set out in a special space ship to get Goatboy. On their way however, their space ship malfunctions and they land on a desert planet to fix their ship. It turns out that a man was stuck in the exhaust pipe. ìHowíd he fit in there?î asked FM. ìWellî said Grix, removing the arms first, then the legs, ìI donít think he intended to get stuck in there. Somebody chopped him up and put him in there.î DUN DUN DUNÖ.
But they set on their way all the same while back on earth the saboteur, Stryke is attacking President Tony. Of course, Tony, being the crack martial artist and ex-seal that he is quickly disposes of Stryke and puts him in the trash can.
Back to FM and Grix. They manage to get to Goatboyís secret hideout (which wasnít so secret) and they grab Goatboy. They stuff him in the ship and fly back to earth where President Tony is waiting. Then, just for fun, they decide to beat Goatboy to death whilst laughing insanely. ìSpecial Reserve is mineî shouts Tony ìMwahahahahahî.
THE END
Tonyís flump farm (u)
Daylight is just braking over flumpland.
Farmer Tony gets up from his big comfy bed and gets changed.
He trundles down stairs and gets a bowl of corn flakes.
Just then someone walks past the window.
ìHay that looks like my mother,î he says to himself.
ìBut my mum hasnít got a beard. If that's not my mother, then who is it?"
Some letters drop through the post box.
"No, it's only the postman"
He finishes his breakfast and pulls on his wellys.
He steps out the door and heads for the flump barn.
As he gets closer he can hear strange noises.
Not the sniffle and squeaks of a flump but some thing very different.
He starts to run and when he reaches the door he finds it locked.
After several attempts he brakes open the big wooden doors.
Nothing seems to be wrong.
He looks around to check all his flumps are there.
ìAnt, Goatboy, Meka_Dragon, Your Honour, Mystique, Mr.Snug-g-gÖ. Mr.Snuggly!î
His prize winning flump Mr.Snugglyís pen was empty!
Suddenly a loud snuffle came from out side.
ìThat sounds like Mr.Snuggly!î
He bolts back out the door at looks on the roof. There is SHEEPY (the monkey) with Mr.Snuggly under his arm.
ì"Get the monkey off the roof." He shouts as he grabs his sawn off twin-barrelled shotgun.
He aims it at the roof but SHEEPY and his 1st class flump has gone.
He marches home and hops on his motor bike.
As he turns the ignition key a funny noise comes from the exhorts pipe.
The vehicle rolls forward andÖ pop!
Mr.Snuggly flyís out of the bikeís back end.
"How'd he fit it in there?" Tony thinks to him self as he picks up his flump.
Though he didnít care, he now has his flump back.
He hugs it as the sunsets over flumpland.
The end
Daylight is just braking over flumpland.
Farmer Tony gets up from his big comfy bed and gets changed.
He trundles down stairs and gets a bowl of corn flakes.
Just then someone walks past the window.
ìHay that looks like my mother,î he says to himself.
ìBut my mum hasnít got a beard. If that's not my mother, then who is it?"
Some letters drop through the post box.
"No, it's only the postman"
He finishes his breakfast and pulls on his wellys.
He steps out the door and heads for the flump barn.
As he gets closer he can hear strange noises.
Not the sniffle and squeaks of a flump but some thing very different.
He starts to run and when he reaches the door he finds it locked.
After several attempts he brakes open the big wooden doors.
Nothing seems to be wrong.
He looks around to check all his flumps are there.
ìAnt, Goatboy, Meka_Dragon, Your Honour, Mystique, Mr.Snug-g-gÖ. Mr.Snuggly!î
His prize winning flump Mr.Snugglyís pen was empty!
Suddenly a loud snuffle came from out side.
ìThat sounds like Mr.Snuggly!î
He bolts back out the door at looks on the roof. There is SHEEPY (the monkey) with Mr.Snuggly under his arm.
ì"Get the monkey off the roof." He shouts as he grabs his sawn off twin-barrelled shotgun.
He aims it at the roof but SHEEPY and his 1st class flump has gone.
He marches home and hops on his motor bike.
As he turns the ignition key a funny noise comes from the exhorts pipe.
The vehicle rolls forward andÖ pop!
Mr.Snuggly flyís out of the bikeís back end.
"How'd he fit it in there?" Tony thinks to him self as he picks up his flump.
Though he didnít care, he now has his flump back.
He hugs it as the sunsets over flumpland.
The end
Give Rakuga the FAD. I may be biased since it's all about me but it's quality all the same. And funny.
:-)
:-)
THE VOTTANATOR
The scene begins with a man on a roof of SR Towers.
Tony to Sniper: "Get the Newsmonkey off the roof!"
Sniper: "He's in my scope."
(Newsmonkey is shot and dies)
Tony and Sniper are then lifted up by the neck and thrown into a wall (gunfire follows)
In a library a naked body hits the floor.
Librarian 1: "Oh my goodness!"
Vottanator: "I need your clothes, your motorcycle and some books for the ride."
Librarian 1: "I don't have a motorcycle!"
Vottanator: Have you any C4 explosives or weaponry?"
Librarian 2: "Shh this is a library!"
Librarian 1: "No this is England guns are not allowed!"
Librarian 2: "Shh this is a library! Don't make me have to tell you again."
Vottanator: YOUR VOTTANATED LIBRARIAN (grabs the desk and throws it at her then beats her up)
"The Vottanator" is seen leaving the building with a Harry Potter book under his arm and women's clothes on and car keys in one hand. He gets into an old banger and drives down the road. He stops outside a house and knocks the door down and enters inside.
A boy with sunglasses trying to look cool shouts "DON'T HURT ME!"
"Come with me if you want to live."
"No thanks I'm too busy playing computer games."
"Look I cannot force you to come with me but you must see why you must come with me"
"What's in it for me?"
About 3 hours later no progress is being made.
"Please come with me if you want to live."
"No.."
"Please come with me if you want to live."
etc...
Then suddenly a grenade is thrown through the window.
"GET DOWN!"
Vottanator grabs the grenade and throws it outside.
"Have you got any weaponry?"
"There's some bread knives in the kitchen."
"Come with me."
Boy follows (Boy = Er-no)
Vottanator dashes into the kitchen and returns with a nerf gun with a slight adjustment (fires knives).
"LETS MOVE."
There is a gunfight here against Mr. Snuggly. Vottanator shoots him many times but no damage is sustained.
They drive away a little later.
Later a man on a bicycle is following.
"It's him."
"Who?"
"Snugglyator"
"Who?"
"The guy I was shooting at earlier"
Vottanator reverses the car and knocks him flying.
Vottanator jumps out and starts punching him in the face until hes knocked out cold.
"He's vottanated."
"Um.." (Er-no has left the car)
"He is not transforming. This is not the Snugglyator."
"No, it's only the postman.."
"Whoopsy."
Back in the car Vottanator explains the situation. Tony has made cross breeds between MAXX PCs and staff members that are getting so powerful not even Tony can control them. Vottanator explains in the future Er-no is the leader of the rebellion and fights the machines.
"Too right! Those MAXX PCs are nothing but trouble. Mines always crashing."
"That is the old version with Windows ME installed. These news ones are 1 million gigahertz titanium processors with 15 million giga bytes of ram and floppy disk drives and transformation technology. They can look human, they could be anyone."
Er-no as a result looks very confused and bewildered.
The entire film is pretty much Vottanator protecting Er-no. Er-no's mum appears on the news wanting his safe return.
Er-no decides to call her while Vottanator is taking a wee.
He returns grabs the phone and smashes it against the wall.
"That's not your mother pal!"
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?"
The door is pushed down. Snugglyator is at it. Massive gunfight follows. Vottanator smashes the windows and the two escape. They run into a farm and close the door. A farmer rushes out with shotgun to protect his farm. Vottanator takes the shotgun and shoots the farmer.
"YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND KILLING PEOPLE!"
"Why not?"
"COS YOU CAN'T!"
"Why?"
"That is a crap reason."
Snugglyator suddenly smashes through the door in a tractor.
"How'd he fit it in there?"
"You were not listening.
That is the old version with Windows ME installed. These news ones are 1 million gigahertz titanium processors with 15 million giga bytes of ram and floppy disk drives and transformation technology. They can look human, they could be anyone."
(Er-no looks bewildered again)
This is a very eventful scene with lots of gunfire and bullet time - without a doubt the best action scene ever. Snugglator gets his legs blown off and then the Vottanator installs an unstable version of Windows (Take your pick). The Snugglyator malfunctions and blows into pieces.
They then set off to sort out MAXXdyne - the company responsible for the machines...
this leads to Vottanator 2 (coming to a cinema soon)
The scene begins with a man on a roof of SR Towers.
Tony to Sniper: "Get the Newsmonkey off the roof!"
Sniper: "He's in my scope."
(Newsmonkey is shot and dies)
Tony and Sniper are then lifted up by the neck and thrown into a wall (gunfire follows)
In a library a naked body hits the floor.
Librarian 1: "Oh my goodness!"
Vottanator: "I need your clothes, your motorcycle and some books for the ride."
Librarian 1: "I don't have a motorcycle!"
Vottanator: Have you any C4 explosives or weaponry?"
Librarian 2: "Shh this is a library!"
Librarian 1: "No this is England guns are not allowed!"
Librarian 2: "Shh this is a library! Don't make me have to tell you again."
Vottanator: YOUR VOTTANATED LIBRARIAN (grabs the desk and throws it at her then beats her up)
"The Vottanator" is seen leaving the building with a Harry Potter book under his arm and women's clothes on and car keys in one hand. He gets into an old banger and drives down the road. He stops outside a house and knocks the door down and enters inside.
A boy with sunglasses trying to look cool shouts "DON'T HURT ME!"
"Come with me if you want to live."
"No thanks I'm too busy playing computer games."
"Look I cannot force you to come with me but you must see why you must come with me"
"What's in it for me?"
About 3 hours later no progress is being made.
"Please come with me if you want to live."
"No.."
"Please come with me if you want to live."
etc...
Then suddenly a grenade is thrown through the window.
"GET DOWN!"
Vottanator grabs the grenade and throws it outside.
"Have you got any weaponry?"
"There's some bread knives in the kitchen."
"Come with me."
Boy follows (Boy = Er-no)
Vottanator dashes into the kitchen and returns with a nerf gun with a slight adjustment (fires knives).
"LETS MOVE."
There is a gunfight here against Mr. Snuggly. Vottanator shoots him many times but no damage is sustained.
They drive away a little later.
Later a man on a bicycle is following.
"It's him."
"Who?"
"Snugglyator"
"Who?"
"The guy I was shooting at earlier"
Vottanator reverses the car and knocks him flying.
Vottanator jumps out and starts punching him in the face until hes knocked out cold.
"He's vottanated."
"Um.." (Er-no has left the car)
"He is not transforming. This is not the Snugglyator."
"No, it's only the postman.."
"Whoopsy."
Back in the car Vottanator explains the situation. Tony has made cross breeds between MAXX PCs and staff members that are getting so powerful not even Tony can control them. Vottanator explains in the future Er-no is the leader of the rebellion and fights the machines.
"Too right! Those MAXX PCs are nothing but trouble. Mines always crashing."
"That is the old version with Windows ME installed. These news ones are 1 million gigahertz titanium processors with 15 million giga bytes of ram and floppy disk drives and transformation technology. They can look human, they could be anyone."
Er-no as a result looks very confused and bewildered.
The entire film is pretty much Vottanator protecting Er-no. Er-no's mum appears on the news wanting his safe return.
Er-no decides to call her while Vottanator is taking a wee.
He returns grabs the phone and smashes it against the wall.
"That's not your mother pal!"
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?"
The door is pushed down. Snugglyator is at it. Massive gunfight follows. Vottanator smashes the windows and the two escape. They run into a farm and close the door. A farmer rushes out with shotgun to protect his farm. Vottanator takes the shotgun and shoots the farmer.
"YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND KILLING PEOPLE!"
"Why not?"
"COS YOU CAN'T!"
"Why?"
"That is a crap reason."
Snugglyator suddenly smashes through the door in a tractor.
"How'd he fit it in there?"
"You were not listening.
That is the old version with Windows ME installed. These news ones are 1 million gigahertz titanium processors with 15 million giga bytes of ram and floppy disk drives and transformation technology. They can look human, they could be anyone."
(Er-no looks bewildered again)
This is a very eventful scene with lots of gunfire and bullet time - without a doubt the best action scene ever. Snugglator gets his legs blown off and then the Vottanator installs an unstable version of Windows (Take your pick). The Snugglyator malfunctions and blows into pieces.
They then set off to sort out MAXXdyne - the company responsible for the machines...
this leads to Vottanator 2 (coming to a cinema soon)
Crouching Tony, hidden vector. (18)
Far far away in the village of oigamufegínoitsonlythepostmaníhagarupuito there is a temple.
Hidden away inside is the enchanted sword ìthe cheese bladeî with the power to turn a person to pure cheese.
Normally ëSHEEPY the wiseí guards it with his life but he ran out of coco yesterday so has gone to the local herb shop to get some more.
While he is away Tony and his evil flying monkey imps steal the magical weapon.
Before his boss ëAlií finds out he hiers a group of bandits called ëIce blaster LTDí.
(What SHEEPY does not know is that ice blaster LTD about 2 weeks ago was a group of fish mongers who became bankrupt)
In the war room, 2 feet under the local tesco, SHEEPY is telling the group of their mission.
[ The door opens with ice blaster and shaneo entering. Shaneo is carrying something under his arm.]
ìHello gentlemen!î says SHEEPY in a loud order like voice.
The 2 sit down to the large round table infront of a giant screen.
ìI thought there were 3 of you?î says SHEEPY.
ìThere are,î says shaneo as he puts the item on the table.
SHEEPY squints in the semi darkness at the item which appears to be a jar with something in it.
ìWhoís in it?î asks SHEEPY, ìit looks like my mum.î
ìNope,î replies ice blaster.
ìIf thatís not my mother, then who is it?î
ìIts vector,î answers ice blaster again.
ìHowíd he fit in there?î
ìIf I told you,î explains shaneo, ìweíd be out of a job.î
ìWell anyway,î says SHEEPY as he shakes his head, braking his gaze on the jar, ìI need you to do something for me.î
[ SHEEPY tells them about the blade and Tonyís army. they then leave and head off to Tonyís top secret base, the tesco above them.]
A hatch opens, IB and shaneo crawl out. Suddenly an evil laugh can be heard from all around.
They look up to see a flying imp monkey landing on the tiled roof of the supermarket. The 2 bandits pull out their twin-barreled haddocks.
ìShoot it!î screams IB; ìget that monkey off the roof!î
Bang!!!
[ The monkey gets shot in the head and falls to its feet. The sky then turns black and then it flashes brightly revealing Tony and around 19,000,000 monkeys floating high in the air blocking the sun. Tony is holding the legendary 7.6-foot, rune incrusted, magical ëcheese bladeí. Tony raises his hand in the air.]
ìCharge!î shouts Tony as his monkey warriors start to spring into action.
[Whole bunches of flying imp monkeys start to speed towards them. As groups fray from the central army beams of sunlight brake through. ThenÖ the holy battle begins!
Ice blaster pulls out fishing net and captures around 24. Seeing as there is still 18,999,976 monkeys left he decides to change his approach.
They both run into tesco and quickly purchase 2 fishing rods with their last scraps of money.
Using these as staffs they start to have an impact on the population of Tonyís soldiers from hell.
-----Long fight scene-----
Both staffs, I mean rods snap, now they are defenseless.]
ìWhat do we do now?î asks shaneo.
ìHave you got any weapons left?î replies IB.
Shaneo reaches into his pocket and can only find a cod grenade. He pulls it out.
This is all I got.
ìWell,î says ice blaster in a heroic voice, ì throw it and pray to god!î
[Slow motion bit now with the music from the Zurich rugby advert playing in the background.
Shaneo kisses the grenade, then pulls the pin out and tosses it.
It spins through the air for around 10 seconds then bang!
The rays of the cod seem to have a strange affect on the monkey impís flying power, they seem to lose it. Every single one stops flying and falls crashing to their deaths.
Now only Tony remains, floating in the sky with his stolen blade.]
ìI see SHEEPY trained you well!î says Tony as he swoops towards them.
They both step back. Tony lifts his sword and swipes it at IB. it only cuts his shoulder a bit but thatís still enough.
ìHa! Ha! You can do better than that!î chuckles IB
Shaneo gasps, ìl-l-look at you!î
IB tries to move but he canít. Then he tries to talk, but he canít.
ìY-y-your pure cheese!î
Tony then pulls his blade back.
ìNow for you!î
[As he does this Shaneo pulls out the jar from his back pocket. Just as Tonyís weapon hits him he throws the jar into the air.
Another slow-mo shot now. The jar flies through the air andÖ smash! Knocks Tony out cold.
Vector crawls from the pieces of glass. He looks around. Goes off and fetches a wheelbarrow.
Puts the cheese sword and his friends in it and pushes them off into the sun set.
The screen starts to fade as the camera closes in on Tonyís hand. Some fingers wiggle]
Perhaps a sequel?
Who knows?
Far far away in the village of oigamufegínoitsonlythepostmaníhagarupuito there is a temple.
Hidden away inside is the enchanted sword ìthe cheese bladeî with the power to turn a person to pure cheese.
Normally ëSHEEPY the wiseí guards it with his life but he ran out of coco yesterday so has gone to the local herb shop to get some more.
While he is away Tony and his evil flying monkey imps steal the magical weapon.
Before his boss ëAlií finds out he hiers a group of bandits called ëIce blaster LTDí.
(What SHEEPY does not know is that ice blaster LTD about 2 weeks ago was a group of fish mongers who became bankrupt)
In the war room, 2 feet under the local tesco, SHEEPY is telling the group of their mission.
[ The door opens with ice blaster and shaneo entering. Shaneo is carrying something under his arm.]
ìHello gentlemen!î says SHEEPY in a loud order like voice.
The 2 sit down to the large round table infront of a giant screen.
ìI thought there were 3 of you?î says SHEEPY.
ìThere are,î says shaneo as he puts the item on the table.
SHEEPY squints in the semi darkness at the item which appears to be a jar with something in it.
ìWhoís in it?î asks SHEEPY, ìit looks like my mum.î
ìNope,î replies ice blaster.
ìIf thatís not my mother, then who is it?î
ìIts vector,î answers ice blaster again.
ìHowíd he fit in there?î
ìIf I told you,î explains shaneo, ìweíd be out of a job.î
ìWell anyway,î says SHEEPY as he shakes his head, braking his gaze on the jar, ìI need you to do something for me.î
[ SHEEPY tells them about the blade and Tonyís army. they then leave and head off to Tonyís top secret base, the tesco above them.]
A hatch opens, IB and shaneo crawl out. Suddenly an evil laugh can be heard from all around.
They look up to see a flying imp monkey landing on the tiled roof of the supermarket. The 2 bandits pull out their twin-barreled haddocks.
ìShoot it!î screams IB; ìget that monkey off the roof!î
Bang!!!
[ The monkey gets shot in the head and falls to its feet. The sky then turns black and then it flashes brightly revealing Tony and around 19,000,000 monkeys floating high in the air blocking the sun. Tony is holding the legendary 7.6-foot, rune incrusted, magical ëcheese bladeí. Tony raises his hand in the air.]
ìCharge!î shouts Tony as his monkey warriors start to spring into action.
[Whole bunches of flying imp monkeys start to speed towards them. As groups fray from the central army beams of sunlight brake through. ThenÖ the holy battle begins!
Ice blaster pulls out fishing net and captures around 24. Seeing as there is still 18,999,976 monkeys left he decides to change his approach.
They both run into tesco and quickly purchase 2 fishing rods with their last scraps of money.
Using these as staffs they start to have an impact on the population of Tonyís soldiers from hell.
-----Long fight scene-----
Both staffs, I mean rods snap, now they are defenseless.]
ìWhat do we do now?î asks shaneo.
ìHave you got any weapons left?î replies IB.
Shaneo reaches into his pocket and can only find a cod grenade. He pulls it out.
This is all I got.
ìWell,î says ice blaster in a heroic voice, ì throw it and pray to god!î
[Slow motion bit now with the music from the Zurich rugby advert playing in the background.
Shaneo kisses the grenade, then pulls the pin out and tosses it.
It spins through the air for around 10 seconds then bang!
The rays of the cod seem to have a strange affect on the monkey impís flying power, they seem to lose it. Every single one stops flying and falls crashing to their deaths.
Now only Tony remains, floating in the sky with his stolen blade.]
ìI see SHEEPY trained you well!î says Tony as he swoops towards them.
They both step back. Tony lifts his sword and swipes it at IB. it only cuts his shoulder a bit but thatís still enough.
ìHa! Ha! You can do better than that!î chuckles IB
Shaneo gasps, ìl-l-look at you!î
IB tries to move but he canít. Then he tries to talk, but he canít.
ìY-y-your pure cheese!î
Tony then pulls his blade back.
ìNow for you!î
[As he does this Shaneo pulls out the jar from his back pocket. Just as Tonyís weapon hits him he throws the jar into the air.
Another slow-mo shot now. The jar flies through the air andÖ smash! Knocks Tony out cold.
Vector crawls from the pieces of glass. He looks around. Goes off and fetches a wheelbarrow.
Puts the cheese sword and his friends in it and pushes them off into the sun set.
The screen starts to fade as the camera closes in on Tonyís hand. Some fingers wiggle]
Perhaps a sequel?
Who knows?
Okay, there were a few mistakes in my previous contribution, so here is the revamped, and hopefully RIGHT version:
Mr Snuggly and his assistants, Tony and RBS, are pyschotic killers, intent on destroying society as we know it. To do this, Tony uses his special mind powers to infiltrate people's minds, and then tells them to commit terrible crimes, or other such horrific events. The only person who can stop them is Goatboy, a stealth assasin sent in by Special Forces CHEESE-MARKET, led by Commander pb. We start with Goatboy just outside the enemy base, which is...a Monkey Training Facility. Supposedly, Snuggly trains monkeys there in the art of bread-stick fighting.
Goatboy sneaks up to the front of the building...suddenly he hears a strange noise from above him. He looks up, and there on the roof, is...
"Get the monkey off the roof." Mr Snuggly said, irritated.
"Erm...sir, that's Tony." RBS replied.
"Really?? I thought it was one of those damn renegade ones again. What's he saying?"
"He says there's someone outside."
"Who is it?" He said in a panicked whisper, "be quiet though, we don't have a license to train these monkeys!"
"Tony says it's someone from CHEESE-MARKET."
Goatboy panicked, scared that he was going to be found out.
"No, it's only the postman," Goatboy said nervously through the letter box.
Snuggly went to the front door, while RBS went to print off some reports on the progress of the monkeys. The printer made a very horrible noise, and RBS took a look inside.
"Grix is in the printer again," he said, desperately trying to pull the estranged monkey out from the claws of the Lexmark Z12.
"How'd he get in there?" Snuggly asked.
"Oh, you know Grix. He's always getting into strange places," RBS replied, "Remember when he got himself locked in your pants drawer? He nearly died from suffocation..."
Snuggly sighed, and began to walk towards the printer when he noticed something in the corner of his eye...someone staring right at him...someone he knew. Snuggly turned, fear in his eyes.
"Mummy?!"
RBS ran over, looked at 'mummy,' and said, "No Snuggly, that's Turbonutter. You know, our favourite monkey? Remember? He can boil eggs, can't he? You haven't taken your pills again...damn, sometimes I feel as though I'm the only sane person around here..."
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?" Snuggly asked.
Turbonutter picked up a breadstick and began waving it around, trying to show off to his masters.
"OH MY GOD!!" Snuggly said, terrified. "SHE'S GOT HER SPANK-STICK!!"
Meanwhile, Goatboy has used a lockpick to get inside without being seen, and he creeped upstairs, trying to find the information he needed to show Commander pb...
__________________________
Want to find out what happens? Go and see, "Breadstick Mania," at cinemas everywhere.
Mr Snuggly and his assistants, Tony and RBS, are pyschotic killers, intent on destroying society as we know it. To do this, Tony uses his special mind powers to infiltrate people's minds, and then tells them to commit terrible crimes, or other such horrific events. The only person who can stop them is Goatboy, a stealth assasin sent in by Special Forces CHEESE-MARKET, led by Commander pb. We start with Goatboy just outside the enemy base, which is...a Monkey Training Facility. Supposedly, Snuggly trains monkeys there in the art of bread-stick fighting.
Goatboy sneaks up to the front of the building...suddenly he hears a strange noise from above him. He looks up, and there on the roof, is...
"Get the monkey off the roof." Mr Snuggly said, irritated.
"Erm...sir, that's Tony." RBS replied.
"Really?? I thought it was one of those damn renegade ones again. What's he saying?"
"He says there's someone outside."
"Who is it?" He said in a panicked whisper, "be quiet though, we don't have a license to train these monkeys!"
"Tony says it's someone from CHEESE-MARKET."
Goatboy panicked, scared that he was going to be found out.
"No, it's only the postman," Goatboy said nervously through the letter box.
Snuggly went to the front door, while RBS went to print off some reports on the progress of the monkeys. The printer made a very horrible noise, and RBS took a look inside.
"Grix is in the printer again," he said, desperately trying to pull the estranged monkey out from the claws of the Lexmark Z12.
"How'd he get in there?" Snuggly asked.
"Oh, you know Grix. He's always getting into strange places," RBS replied, "Remember when he got himself locked in your pants drawer? He nearly died from suffocation..."
Snuggly sighed, and began to walk towards the printer when he noticed something in the corner of his eye...someone staring right at him...someone he knew. Snuggly turned, fear in his eyes.
"Mummy?!"
RBS ran over, looked at 'mummy,' and said, "No Snuggly, that's Turbonutter. You know, our favourite monkey? Remember? He can boil eggs, can't he? You haven't taken your pills again...damn, sometimes I feel as though I'm the only sane person around here..."
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?" Snuggly asked.
Turbonutter picked up a breadstick and began waving it around, trying to show off to his masters.
"OH MY GOD!!" Snuggly said, terrified. "SHE'S GOT HER SPANK-STICK!!"
Meanwhile, Goatboy has used a lockpick to get inside without being seen, and he creeped upstairs, trying to find the information he needed to show Commander pb...
__________________________
Want to find out what happens? Go and see, "Breadstick Mania," at cinemas everywhere.
Monkey Wars: Episode 6: Return of the Postman.
A long time ago in a post office far far away...
It has been sixteen years since our local postman Tony, got stuck inside a barrel. This amusing outcome was the result of a scrap between him and the infamous Grix Thraves, all revolving around a simple postal error. Tony was responsible for sending the wrong package to Mr Thraves - a Sony related product rather than Grix`s favoured Nintendo merchandise. As Grix is in fact a monkey, he failed to see the funny side of this, and proceeded to crush Tony into the nearest barrel (fortunately an empty one). Since then, many have asked "How`d he fit in there?" - after all, Tony isn`t a small guy!
During the time that Tony has been stuck, there have been numerous attempts to pull him out, all ending in failure. It seemed that the only way was to hire the help of the muscular Wookiee Monster. However, Wookiee`s services aren`t cheap, and in light of this cost, people had always said "No, it's only the postman", and not bothered.
In the first few chapters of the movie however, a rich business man moves to town. His name is pb - apparently short for price breaker, due to his talent at finding the lowest prices. Nobody is quite sure why, but pb seems to have found a use for our local postman - one which we won`t find out until later in the movie - and decides to pay Wookiee Monster the necessary amount to remove Tony from the barrel.
Its not quite as simple as that though. When pb and his new ally Wookiee Monster try to retrieve Tony from the barrel, there is a major obstacle between them. Grix Thraves, still annoyed at being insulted with Sony technology, with the help of a sniper is now guarding the barrel containing Tony on top of a nearby roof.
Will Tony ever leave the barrel? If he does, will his legs have gone numb? Will sniper survive this movie?
SPOILER:
The final conflict takes place fairly quickly, and for Wookiee Monster and pb, the plan is simple - "Get the monkey of the roof". That way, they have a clear chance to get to Tony. The action that follows is brought to a quick end by Goatboy, who happened to be hopping from roof to roof (an activity he does everyday to keep fit). Goatboy saw sniper and Grix a little too late, and landed directly on top of them. The extra weight sends the trio through the roof, to a painful landing in some soft hay. Only Tony is left on the roof now.
Not believing their luck, Wookiee Monster and pb climb to the roof, and extracate Tony from his long term home. Wookiee`s strength, being second to none, was easily enough, and Tony pops out from the barrel. pb suddenly shouts "Mummy!". Wookiee Monster has a bewildered look on his face (not easy when you are a Wookiee), and tries to tactfully point out that Tony is male, and certainly not related. pb: "If that's not my mother, then who is it?".
The final stages of the movie are spent explaining to pb the truth. He looks extremely saddened as the search for his mother seemed to have failed. However, all good movies end with a twist, and you never know... What if Wookiee Monster is pb`s mother?
Watch the movie to find out...
Nowhere near cinemas near you, ever.
A long time ago in a post office far far away...
It has been sixteen years since our local postman Tony, got stuck inside a barrel. This amusing outcome was the result of a scrap between him and the infamous Grix Thraves, all revolving around a simple postal error. Tony was responsible for sending the wrong package to Mr Thraves - a Sony related product rather than Grix`s favoured Nintendo merchandise. As Grix is in fact a monkey, he failed to see the funny side of this, and proceeded to crush Tony into the nearest barrel (fortunately an empty one). Since then, many have asked "How`d he fit in there?" - after all, Tony isn`t a small guy!
During the time that Tony has been stuck, there have been numerous attempts to pull him out, all ending in failure. It seemed that the only way was to hire the help of the muscular Wookiee Monster. However, Wookiee`s services aren`t cheap, and in light of this cost, people had always said "No, it's only the postman", and not bothered.
In the first few chapters of the movie however, a rich business man moves to town. His name is pb - apparently short for price breaker, due to his talent at finding the lowest prices. Nobody is quite sure why, but pb seems to have found a use for our local postman - one which we won`t find out until later in the movie - and decides to pay Wookiee Monster the necessary amount to remove Tony from the barrel.
Its not quite as simple as that though. When pb and his new ally Wookiee Monster try to retrieve Tony from the barrel, there is a major obstacle between them. Grix Thraves, still annoyed at being insulted with Sony technology, with the help of a sniper is now guarding the barrel containing Tony on top of a nearby roof.
Will Tony ever leave the barrel? If he does, will his legs have gone numb? Will sniper survive this movie?
SPOILER:
The final conflict takes place fairly quickly, and for Wookiee Monster and pb, the plan is simple - "Get the monkey of the roof". That way, they have a clear chance to get to Tony. The action that follows is brought to a quick end by Goatboy, who happened to be hopping from roof to roof (an activity he does everyday to keep fit). Goatboy saw sniper and Grix a little too late, and landed directly on top of them. The extra weight sends the trio through the roof, to a painful landing in some soft hay. Only Tony is left on the roof now.
Not believing their luck, Wookiee Monster and pb climb to the roof, and extracate Tony from his long term home. Wookiee`s strength, being second to none, was easily enough, and Tony pops out from the barrel. pb suddenly shouts "Mummy!". Wookiee Monster has a bewildered look on his face (not easy when you are a Wookiee), and tries to tactfully point out that Tony is male, and certainly not related. pb: "If that's not my mother, then who is it?".
The final stages of the movie are spent explaining to pb the truth. He looks extremely saddened as the search for his mother seemed to have failed. However, all good movies end with a twist, and you never know... What if Wookiee Monster is pb`s mother?
Watch the movie to find out...
Nowhere near cinemas near you, ever.
Goatboy wrote:
> Wookiee and Goatboy take time out to argue about war
> and stuff, and they fall to the ground and wrestle like girls in front of the
> crowd, who watch without adding anything of value.
:-)
I wonder what you mean...
Very funny plot though!
> Wookiee and Goatboy take time out to argue about war
> and stuff, and they fall to the ground and wrestle like girls in front of the
> crowd, who watch without adding anything of value.
:-)
I wonder what you mean...
Very funny plot though!
nice post ant, had me in stitches.
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