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Finished! This one took a fair while to go through, due to many of you neglecting the 'keep it simple' rule, and writing Spielberg-esque epics. Still, they were all very good and it was tough to pick a singular winning post, but we had to, so we did.
WINNER - Meka Dragon, for his Love-A-Duck, Muddy-Funster, Mockney-Cockney, Gangster Crime Comedy Caper. Guy Ritchie will be beating down your door. You get to choose a DVD under £25 for your prize.
Again, congrats to everyone who entered, you're all winners (just winners in a metaphorical sense). Keep up the quality writing, crew!
Snuggly
-----------------------------------------------------------
Okay, here's an Extra Filmaday Prize, for all you film lovers out there. The best entry(ies) will win a DVD of their choice, under £25. All you have to do for this one is concoct a movie, featuring at least 5 of the UKchatforums.com regulars and at least one member of SR staff. This movie can be funny, gritty, tragic, hard-hitting, or just plain stoopid, but it must be chat related.
However, don't take this as a command to go and write an actual film, we just want a summary of what will happen, a synopsis, if you will. Keep it simple, keep it clever and keep it chat, and you're laughing. You must also use the following phrases:
"Get the monkey off the roof."
"How'd he fit it in there?"
"No, it's only the postman"
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?"
Okay, the rules are set, just don't post megalong scripts, as we won't read them (our eyes hurt). This one will end at midnight on Sunday November 18th, so you've got plenty of time to think up your blockbuster. Get to it, you Spielbergs.
WINNER - Meka Dragon, for his Love-A-Duck, Muddy-Funster, Mockney-Cockney, Gangster Crime Comedy Caper. Guy Ritchie will be beating down your door. You get to choose a DVD under £25 for your prize.
Again, congrats to everyone who entered, you're all winners (just winners in a metaphorical sense). Keep up the quality writing, crew!
Snuggly
-----------------------------------------------------------
Okay, here's an Extra Filmaday Prize, for all you film lovers out there. The best entry(ies) will win a DVD of their choice, under £25. All you have to do for this one is concoct a movie, featuring at least 5 of the UKchatforums.com regulars and at least one member of SR staff. This movie can be funny, gritty, tragic, hard-hitting, or just plain stoopid, but it must be chat related.
However, don't take this as a command to go and write an actual film, we just want a summary of what will happen, a synopsis, if you will. Keep it simple, keep it clever and keep it chat, and you're laughing. You must also use the following phrases:
"Get the monkey off the roof."
"How'd he fit it in there?"
"No, it's only the postman"
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?"
Okay, the rules are set, just don't post megalong scripts, as we won't read them (our eyes hurt). This one will end at midnight on Sunday November 18th, so you've got plenty of time to think up your blockbuster. Get to it, you Spielbergs.
Page:
Return to the battle of the planet of the simian people.
A Sci-Fi Comedy
Set in present day England, this is the story of a band of humans who find there way into an alternate dimension where monkeys run the planet and drink in pubs.
Tagline:..In the pub, no one can hear you ook.
Or:ÖÖÖMake mine a banana lacquer
Starring:
Staff Members
Tony, Ali
Regulars
Strafex, M16, Goatboy, Dringo, The Game
We first learn that Tony has arranged a meeting between all the users of the UKChatforums, but only five have turned up. He looks unhappy, but decides, as there are so few of them, that they should all go down the pub instead.
Unseen by them, a strange looking unmarked lorry, obviously containing hazardous chemicals, is heading straight for the door of the pub and the few people in the building manage to escape as it just scrapes the door, knocking over a glowing barrel of something oozy on to the floor of the entrance before driving off at top speed.
Tony and co enter the deserted pub, unaware of the mysterious glow surrounding the building as they are eager to get a drink. The scene before them startles all but M16, as they watch him go to the bar, where a large ape is wiping down the bar. He passes tables of chimps, baboons and other monkeys before reaching the bar where he stops and does a double take.
After sitting with a table of friendly looking gorillas, the gang find out that this is an alternate reality and after quite a few drinks, accept it as if itís normal. The gorillas, Burt, James and Fredrick, are intrigued and ask to be shown back to the other world, where their kind are locked in cages. They dutifully show them the way out and find themselves back in the human dimension.
One of the apes, Burt, is pretty freaked out by the incident and climbs on the roof of a nearby bus. The driver returns and shouts angrily at the others. "Get the monkey off the roof."
They eventually calm Burt down and coax him off the roof and in to Strafexís Mini that is waiting outside.
"How'd he fit it in there?" asks Goatboy, but the only answer given by Strafex is a tub of Vaseline.
ìSorry I asked!î says Goatboy and climbs in the other car with the two other gorillas.
The next scene sees the gorillas and everyone else sitting in a side office of Special Reserve, drinking coffee.
ìI think itís best If you return to your reality.î Says Ali before Tony can stifle a muttered grumble about getting monkey hair on his couch. ìThose policemen were giving us funny looks earlier and I think they were a bit suspicious of a monkey in a mini.î Ali looked at Strafex as he said this.
The camera centres on the TV, which The Game now turns on. The pictures show them with the gorillas and a newsreader explains that the military have been sent to deal with the situation as soon as possible. A ring at the door has everyone startled.
ìIs that the army?î askes Frederick, hiding behind the sofa.
"No, it's only the postman" says Dringo as he peeps out from the office blinds. ìHow the heck are we going to get these three back to their dimension if weíre even afraid of the postman?î
ìAha,î says Tony accepting the parcel from the postman while the others hide. ìThat will be the fancy dress costumes for the Christmas play. Lads, I have an ideaÖî
The next scene shows M16, The Game and Goatboy standing outside of the room as the door opens and Tony walks out beaming all over. Following him are three slightly obviously dressed up monkeys.
îMum?î exclaims M16 as he sees Bert walk out.
ìThatís not your mum.î Whispers The Game in his ear.
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?" says M16 loudly.
Bert takes off his hat and shouts ìTada!î, M16 puts his hand to his head.
Goatboy looks at the monkeys and rubs his chin. ìYou know, itís a crazy idea, but it might just work.î
Using The Game and Aliís cars, the gang quickly make their way back to the pub. Unfortunately the police have set up roadblocks and are searching all the vehicles. The gang ditch the cars behind a hedge and sneak past the roadblocks.
After running for a while they see the pub straight ahead and make a dash for it. The army are looking around, several men with guns are shouting orders, but pay no attention to the odd looking group of people. Suddenly, Bertís dress tears on a bush and one of the soldiers looks around to see a gorilla in a hat.
ìDamn!î says Tony, seeing the soldier. ìItís Major Lee, heís always had it in for me ever since I sold him Superman on the N64.î
ìPut the gorilla down and come quietly.î He shouts at Tony and co.
ìI donít think soÖî says Tony as they make a run for the entrance.
The gang dodge bullets as they dive for the entrance to the pub. Just about making it, they pick themselves up from the floor and find themselves in their own pub, with people quietly having a drink. After panicing, they realise that the monkeys have gone and they are alone.
Final scene:
The army major storms in to the pub and looks around. He turns to Tony and says ìWhere are those apes?î
ìWhat apes?î asks Tony and the whole pub seems to shrug itís collective shoulders.
ìIíll catch you out one day Tony, and when I do, youíll be sorryÖî says the major as he storms out while the others try not to laugh too loudly into their beer.
A Sci-Fi Comedy
Set in present day England, this is the story of a band of humans who find there way into an alternate dimension where monkeys run the planet and drink in pubs.
Tagline:..In the pub, no one can hear you ook.
Or:ÖÖÖMake mine a banana lacquer
Starring:
Staff Members
Tony, Ali
Regulars
Strafex, M16, Goatboy, Dringo, The Game
We first learn that Tony has arranged a meeting between all the users of the UKChatforums, but only five have turned up. He looks unhappy, but decides, as there are so few of them, that they should all go down the pub instead.
Unseen by them, a strange looking unmarked lorry, obviously containing hazardous chemicals, is heading straight for the door of the pub and the few people in the building manage to escape as it just scrapes the door, knocking over a glowing barrel of something oozy on to the floor of the entrance before driving off at top speed.
Tony and co enter the deserted pub, unaware of the mysterious glow surrounding the building as they are eager to get a drink. The scene before them startles all but M16, as they watch him go to the bar, where a large ape is wiping down the bar. He passes tables of chimps, baboons and other monkeys before reaching the bar where he stops and does a double take.
After sitting with a table of friendly looking gorillas, the gang find out that this is an alternate reality and after quite a few drinks, accept it as if itís normal. The gorillas, Burt, James and Fredrick, are intrigued and ask to be shown back to the other world, where their kind are locked in cages. They dutifully show them the way out and find themselves back in the human dimension.
One of the apes, Burt, is pretty freaked out by the incident and climbs on the roof of a nearby bus. The driver returns and shouts angrily at the others. "Get the monkey off the roof."
They eventually calm Burt down and coax him off the roof and in to Strafexís Mini that is waiting outside.
"How'd he fit it in there?" asks Goatboy, but the only answer given by Strafex is a tub of Vaseline.
ìSorry I asked!î says Goatboy and climbs in the other car with the two other gorillas.
The next scene sees the gorillas and everyone else sitting in a side office of Special Reserve, drinking coffee.
ìI think itís best If you return to your reality.î Says Ali before Tony can stifle a muttered grumble about getting monkey hair on his couch. ìThose policemen were giving us funny looks earlier and I think they were a bit suspicious of a monkey in a mini.î Ali looked at Strafex as he said this.
The camera centres on the TV, which The Game now turns on. The pictures show them with the gorillas and a newsreader explains that the military have been sent to deal with the situation as soon as possible. A ring at the door has everyone startled.
ìIs that the army?î askes Frederick, hiding behind the sofa.
"No, it's only the postman" says Dringo as he peeps out from the office blinds. ìHow the heck are we going to get these three back to their dimension if weíre even afraid of the postman?î
ìAha,î says Tony accepting the parcel from the postman while the others hide. ìThat will be the fancy dress costumes for the Christmas play. Lads, I have an ideaÖî
The next scene shows M16, The Game and Goatboy standing outside of the room as the door opens and Tony walks out beaming all over. Following him are three slightly obviously dressed up monkeys.
îMum?î exclaims M16 as he sees Bert walk out.
ìThatís not your mum.î Whispers The Game in his ear.
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?" says M16 loudly.
Bert takes off his hat and shouts ìTada!î, M16 puts his hand to his head.
Goatboy looks at the monkeys and rubs his chin. ìYou know, itís a crazy idea, but it might just work.î
Using The Game and Aliís cars, the gang quickly make their way back to the pub. Unfortunately the police have set up roadblocks and are searching all the vehicles. The gang ditch the cars behind a hedge and sneak past the roadblocks.
After running for a while they see the pub straight ahead and make a dash for it. The army are looking around, several men with guns are shouting orders, but pay no attention to the odd looking group of people. Suddenly, Bertís dress tears on a bush and one of the soldiers looks around to see a gorilla in a hat.
ìDamn!î says Tony, seeing the soldier. ìItís Major Lee, heís always had it in for me ever since I sold him Superman on the N64.î
ìPut the gorilla down and come quietly.î He shouts at Tony and co.
ìI donít think soÖî says Tony as they make a run for the entrance.
The gang dodge bullets as they dive for the entrance to the pub. Just about making it, they pick themselves up from the floor and find themselves in their own pub, with people quietly having a drink. After panicing, they realise that the monkeys have gone and they are alone.
Final scene:
The army major storms in to the pub and looks around. He turns to Tony and says ìWhere are those apes?î
ìWhat apes?î asks Tony and the whole pub seems to shrug itís collective shoulders.
ìIíll catch you out one day Tony, and when I do, youíll be sorryÖî says the major as he storms out while the others try not to laugh too loudly into their beer.
Ok, right. After thinking about writing a story, I've given up on that, and decided to just sit down and write.
Title. Right... err...
Mystical Monkey Madness. That'll do.
Chapter 1.
Ali turns up to work to find Tony fighting a losing battle against the front door, and it's soon revealed that Steve Bulmer, mystical monkey God, has taking over the SR headquarters to tie in with his evil plans, in a dastardly plot that will be known later for reasons of tension and lack of ideas. His army of chimps are all over the building, using it to their will.
After failed attempts and the dramatic death of Loki, or sprained ankle as it's later revealed, Tony comes up with the idea of calling on... good number... four of the regulars/notables, or of course newbies, to come and help them regain the headquarters.
Ali chooses Goatboy, Wookiee, Meka and Grix, all for reasons that... ah sod.
Right. Err... Goatboy has a good knowledge of all things monkey, Meka seems appropriate, Wookiee is hairy like monkey, and Grix used to be called Monkey. Right. He's also the writer, but that's got nothing to do with it, really.
Chapter 2.
Some small scenes with the daily lifes of the four people interrupted, Goatboy recieving an urgent phonecall, and has to cancel his important sitting in front of computer all day. Most of the others are remarkably simular.
And amazingly, they all arrive in different methods of transport all at the same time. Wookiee travels by car, Grix by train, Goatboy by camel, naturally, and Meka decides to run as fast as he can all the way, offering a wonderful scene where techno music is heard over Meka hurdling cars and children.
Ali gives them a mission brief, and the five follow Goatboy's initial plan of climbing onto the roof, and decending through the levels of SRHQ through the top.
After a large kung-fu battle with a single monkey who has been assigned to the roof with good reason, they find out that the roof is locked, and they don't have the key. However, it did at least give me chance to have Ali say: "Get the monkey off the roof." before more heavy beat music and monkey beating.
Next, Grix suggests, also having nothing to do with the certain quotes needed, that one of them is to dress as a postman, and try and bluff their way in.
Goatboy adds that perhaps the postman should deliver a parcel, containing one or more persons, who could then jump out, and regain SRHQ.
Chapter 3.
Monkeys screaming alert Steve Bulmer, who allow the man at the door in after for no real reason announcing: "No, it's only the postman."
Unbeknownest to them, Meka is residing in a brown envelope, but without an appropriate letter opener, Meka finds himself trapped inside.
Meanwhile outside, the group are distracted by Sniper turning up, and asking why they do so much stuff without him. Grix explains to Sniper that he was only written in so there could be five people, Sniper nods, and then is forgotten about for the rest of the film. They wait around a while, and then decide that Meka is probably dead. Some classical music is played while fade overs of Meka laughing and beating up monkeys is shown.
So Grix, Goatboy and Wookiee remain. And since Wookiee hasn't had an idea yet, I'll let the next one be his.
Chapter 4.
"The small child on a bench with an ice cream" trap works a treat, and at once, monkeys begin to pour out from the HQ, and try to steal the childs ice cream. Tony however beats the crowd of monkeys down, and takes the ice cream himself. Before anyone sees what's going on, the ice cream is consumed, and the monkeys have returned inside. Wookiee curses the lack of a home video camera, and returns to think of a new plan.
As night appears out of nowhere, it looks as if the group are fighting a losing battle. A car comes along, and Grix begins to worry that it's his mum come to pick him up. Goatboy however, knows exactly who it is.
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?" Grix asks, polishing his glasses.
"It's the A-Team, and they've come to save us all!" Goatboy replies, placing one hand on his knee and raising one leg to a higher location.
The excitement is shortlived after Hannibal leaves the van, punches Goatboy in the face, and tells him to stop calling them.
Chapter 5.
Desperate measures calls for desperate attempts, and Tony finally admits of the lack of security in the HQ, and the secret entrance that envolves crawling on your hands and knees through sewage to get inside.
Tony is then used as a battering ram to open the front door, and success at last, as the door is opened, leaving enough time for some sort of final showdown.
The guys run in, battling chimps in a giant rumble, with Steve Bulmer laughing as he runs into the canteen, where the final scene will take place.
Tony runs around and turns down all the radiators.
Chapter 6.
Steve Bulmer atop a staff table tells all that listen to his plan of smuggling diamonds up monkey rectums, and after cries of "You sick sick fool!" and "How'd he fit it in there?", they all try to attack Bulmer, but are powerless to his lawyers, who deflect and predict every move, even Goatboy leaping from the canteen chandlier onto Bulmer in rage.
And as they're all about to give in, Meka runs in, followed by all the monkeys, and they overpower Bulmer and his lawyers, because you can't sue monkeys. Not even Microsoft. After Bulmer falls down the bottomless pit which lies next to the water cooler, Meka explains his tale of passion with the group of monkeys who saved him, and how he converted them to fight with Meka.
The monkeys all clap in honour of Meka, and Steve Buscemi appears, dressed as a monkey. He nods in the direction of Meka, and we never see him again.
The story ends with Meka returning to the jungle with his army of chimps.
The end titles role with Ali returning to his desk in one of those "hey, the film hasn't finished yet!" moments. He's seen going onto the forums, and Fog Chat is full of topics asking why GAD hasn't been updated and why their game hasn't arrived yet.
Snuggly smiles and throws his arms in the air, and the frame freezes and fades out.
Title. Right... err...
Mystical Monkey Madness. That'll do.
Chapter 1.
Ali turns up to work to find Tony fighting a losing battle against the front door, and it's soon revealed that Steve Bulmer, mystical monkey God, has taking over the SR headquarters to tie in with his evil plans, in a dastardly plot that will be known later for reasons of tension and lack of ideas. His army of chimps are all over the building, using it to their will.
After failed attempts and the dramatic death of Loki, or sprained ankle as it's later revealed, Tony comes up with the idea of calling on... good number... four of the regulars/notables, or of course newbies, to come and help them regain the headquarters.
Ali chooses Goatboy, Wookiee, Meka and Grix, all for reasons that... ah sod.
Right. Err... Goatboy has a good knowledge of all things monkey, Meka seems appropriate, Wookiee is hairy like monkey, and Grix used to be called Monkey. Right. He's also the writer, but that's got nothing to do with it, really.
Chapter 2.
Some small scenes with the daily lifes of the four people interrupted, Goatboy recieving an urgent phonecall, and has to cancel his important sitting in front of computer all day. Most of the others are remarkably simular.
And amazingly, they all arrive in different methods of transport all at the same time. Wookiee travels by car, Grix by train, Goatboy by camel, naturally, and Meka decides to run as fast as he can all the way, offering a wonderful scene where techno music is heard over Meka hurdling cars and children.
Ali gives them a mission brief, and the five follow Goatboy's initial plan of climbing onto the roof, and decending through the levels of SRHQ through the top.
After a large kung-fu battle with a single monkey who has been assigned to the roof with good reason, they find out that the roof is locked, and they don't have the key. However, it did at least give me chance to have Ali say: "Get the monkey off the roof." before more heavy beat music and monkey beating.
Next, Grix suggests, also having nothing to do with the certain quotes needed, that one of them is to dress as a postman, and try and bluff their way in.
Goatboy adds that perhaps the postman should deliver a parcel, containing one or more persons, who could then jump out, and regain SRHQ.
Chapter 3.
Monkeys screaming alert Steve Bulmer, who allow the man at the door in after for no real reason announcing: "No, it's only the postman."
Unbeknownest to them, Meka is residing in a brown envelope, but without an appropriate letter opener, Meka finds himself trapped inside.
Meanwhile outside, the group are distracted by Sniper turning up, and asking why they do so much stuff without him. Grix explains to Sniper that he was only written in so there could be five people, Sniper nods, and then is forgotten about for the rest of the film. They wait around a while, and then decide that Meka is probably dead. Some classical music is played while fade overs of Meka laughing and beating up monkeys is shown.
So Grix, Goatboy and Wookiee remain. And since Wookiee hasn't had an idea yet, I'll let the next one be his.
Chapter 4.
"The small child on a bench with an ice cream" trap works a treat, and at once, monkeys begin to pour out from the HQ, and try to steal the childs ice cream. Tony however beats the crowd of monkeys down, and takes the ice cream himself. Before anyone sees what's going on, the ice cream is consumed, and the monkeys have returned inside. Wookiee curses the lack of a home video camera, and returns to think of a new plan.
As night appears out of nowhere, it looks as if the group are fighting a losing battle. A car comes along, and Grix begins to worry that it's his mum come to pick him up. Goatboy however, knows exactly who it is.
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?" Grix asks, polishing his glasses.
"It's the A-Team, and they've come to save us all!" Goatboy replies, placing one hand on his knee and raising one leg to a higher location.
The excitement is shortlived after Hannibal leaves the van, punches Goatboy in the face, and tells him to stop calling them.
Chapter 5.
Desperate measures calls for desperate attempts, and Tony finally admits of the lack of security in the HQ, and the secret entrance that envolves crawling on your hands and knees through sewage to get inside.
Tony is then used as a battering ram to open the front door, and success at last, as the door is opened, leaving enough time for some sort of final showdown.
The guys run in, battling chimps in a giant rumble, with Steve Bulmer laughing as he runs into the canteen, where the final scene will take place.
Tony runs around and turns down all the radiators.
Chapter 6.
Steve Bulmer atop a staff table tells all that listen to his plan of smuggling diamonds up monkey rectums, and after cries of "You sick sick fool!" and "How'd he fit it in there?", they all try to attack Bulmer, but are powerless to his lawyers, who deflect and predict every move, even Goatboy leaping from the canteen chandlier onto Bulmer in rage.
And as they're all about to give in, Meka runs in, followed by all the monkeys, and they overpower Bulmer and his lawyers, because you can't sue monkeys. Not even Microsoft. After Bulmer falls down the bottomless pit which lies next to the water cooler, Meka explains his tale of passion with the group of monkeys who saved him, and how he converted them to fight with Meka.
The monkeys all clap in honour of Meka, and Steve Buscemi appears, dressed as a monkey. He nods in the direction of Meka, and we never see him again.
The story ends with Meka returning to the jungle with his army of chimps.
The end titles role with Ali returning to his desk in one of those "hey, the film hasn't finished yet!" moments. He's seen going onto the forums, and Fog Chat is full of topics asking why GAD hasn't been updated and why their game hasn't arrived yet.
Snuggly smiles and throws his arms in the air, and the frame freezes and fades out.
"Get the monkey off the roof." - When they're breaking into the bank to check security and power of systems
"How'd he fit it in there?" When they're looking for Time Warp and find him in a box
"No, it's only the postman" When the 4 guys are hiding from the police
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?" When police cheif Ant realises he's be diverted from the 'job'.
Note: Police are after 4 guys on unrelated drinking matter. - but they don't know this.
"How'd he fit it in there?" When they're looking for Time Warp and find him in a box
"No, it's only the postman" When the 4 guys are hiding from the police
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?" When police cheif Ant realises he's be diverted from the 'job'.
Note: Police are after 4 guys on unrelated drinking matter. - but they don't know this.
This movie is called 'Coderz' and it's a hip movie comedy about 3 lads/mens hacking escapades. When they (Bonus, Turbonutter, Wookiee) realise their friend and supplier (Time Warp) needs money to save his videogame business they're on the case, but the only place they can get money from is the bank... of course... it won't be their money and the bank can't know it's gone... so they train up and get ready for the heist-thing!
In the movie:
Bonus falls in love with the German bank clerk
Wookiee grows an affinity for Ice cream
Timewarp lands the biggest batch of Gamecube consoles saving his business but the boys don't know this before the 'job'
Ant, the main copper, is a videogame addict but will this get in the way with him doing his job?
There's no way I should be a director - lol!
In the movie:
Bonus falls in love with the German bank clerk
Wookiee grows an affinity for Ice cream
Timewarp lands the biggest batch of Gamecube consoles saving his business but the boys don't know this before the 'job'
Ant, the main copper, is a videogame addict but will this get in the way with him doing his job?
There's no way I should be a director - lol!
LOL!
give this dude the FAD!
genius pure genius
nice usage of the compulsary phrases
but you totally deserve the fad for the involvment of monkeys
give this dude the FAD!
genius pure genius
nice usage of the compulsary phrases
but you totally deserve the fad for the involvment of monkeys
"Heart and Mouth" a romantic comedy by Meka_Dragon
Opening credits:
A car speeds down a winding country lane, the song playing is "You're So Vain".
Once the important credits have passed, we move into the car. Steve Guttenburg is driving, and singing along, looking at himself in the mirrors.
As he's looking at himself he doesn't notice something in the road, and he drives over it.
Moments later he realises he has a flat tyre and is forced to pull over.
He's struggling to get the tyre off when a female voice asks "Need a hand?"
Shocked by the voice Steve falls over into a muddy puddle.
The woman changes the tyre.
As she goes to ride off on her bicycle Steve asks "But you never told me your name."
She replies "That's for me to know, you to find out"
Steve gets back into the car and drives on to the B & B he is staying in.
Steve knocks on the door. Tony answers. "You're Steve right, the scientist...."
Tony shows Steve around the B&B and introduces him to the cook, pb.
A comical scene follows involving a slippery eel, and the threwe men trying to grab it, all jumping over each other.
After eating a hearty meal, and some character developing banter between Tony, pb Steve and another guest in the hotel Shocktrooper, (in which we learn the town is suffering due to the foot and mouth crisis, and Steve is a scientist called in to analyse the situation) Steve goes to bed and has a dream.
A soft focus camera thing is used as we see Steve running through a field with the girl he met earlier. A song is playing n the background, probably The Carpenters.
Steve wakes, looks down towards his stomach, and sighs.
The next day we see Steve and Shocktrooper talking, Steve is asking where the pub is, as he's meeting someone there.
Shocktrooper doesn't know, so they ask pb.
The three of them head to the pub, only half way there they see three men standing in the road, looking up at the roof of the local church. The men are Turbonutter, Sheepy and Goatboy.
Sheepy says "So the whole church roof is covered in it then?"
"Yup" Says Goatboy "It'll ward off those pesky monkeys"
"How did you get on the roof?" asks Turbonutter.
"With this" replies Goatboy, pulling a ladder out of his pocket.
"How'd he fit it in there?" says Steve to himself.
"Don't worry about them, they the local nutters" replies pb.
In the pub Steve again sees the girl that fixed his tyre. They talk, for long hours, and share a kiss. Very romantic, humourous banter. We learn that the girl is called Mystique, and her farm animals are due to be culled because of the foot and mout crisis. Steve doesn't reveal himself to be the scientist.
The following day we see Mr Snuggly openning the back of his van. "Fly my pretties, fly!" He cries, as three winged monkeys step out of the van. They look around for a bit, and pull faces. Mr Snuggly kicks them, then they fly. Onto the church roof.
Goatboy sees this, and shakes his fist angrily.
Steve just happens to be walking past again, and here's Goatboy shout "Get the monkey off the roof" to Sheepy. Sheepy is swearing about the monkey repellant, that didn't seem to work.
Steve decides to help out, which leads to a hilarious scene involving him diving around on the church roof trying to catch the monkeys. He slips, and would fall to his death if it weren't for his trousers catching on the guttering.
He hangs there for a while, before the fire brigade rescue him.
Whilst he's hanging there Mystique walks by and happens to ask "Is that who i think it is?" Turbonutter puts his foot in it by saying "It be the foot and mouth specialist!"
When Steve is safe Mystique approaches him, and slaps him across the face. She accuses him of being responsible for the culling of her animals, which will take place in less than 24 hours. She says that she never wants to see him again.
Later on, in the evening Steve tries to go back to the pub, but someone has put a "No Steves allowed" sign on the door. Bleeders is throwing stones at the window. Steve Guttenburg sighs.
"Don't worry about it, man!" Says a man sitting in the dark.
Guttenburg approaches him. It's Steve Buscemi. "You can get her back, you know" says Buscemi "You just have to put things right."
Guttenburg thanks him, and runs off, tripping on the way, then looking around to see if anyone noticed.
The next morning Mystique is sitting, waiting. There's a knock at the door. She cries out "Is that the death squad?"
"No it's only the postman" comes the reply.
Mystique opens the door, wearing a revealing nightie. The postman hands her a card which confirms that her animals are to be culled at 4pm. She cries. The postman leaves, feeling a bit embarrassed.
Time passes, the execution squad arrive, and Mystique leads them out to the animals. Her sister is also there, for moral support.
Just as the first sheep is to be given it's lethal injection a woman cries "Stop everything!"
"Mother?" asks Mystique.
"I'm not sure that it is, I think it's a man in drag" replies her sister.
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?" asks Mystique.
The man in drag is speaking to the executioners, but we can't here whats going on. The man in drag swaps the lethal injection of the executioners with something else.
Mystique runs over and asks what's going on.
"This lady....um, she's developed a cure for foot and mouth, so your animals are saved!" Says one of the executioners.
"That's no lady" Says Mystique "It's the man I love!"
Steve tears off his disguise and kisses Mystique.
We cut forward a year to see Steve and Mystique getting married in the church. Mr Snuggly is there, with more monkeys and Goatboy is shaking his fist at him, but this is going on in the background.
We see all of the characters that have featured in the film so far watching the ceremony, smiling. The movie fades to brown like 'Sons and Daughters' used to as Steve and Mystique kiss.
We never discover why Steve was dressed as a woman.
End credits, but with a few outtakes, mostly Steve Guttenburg falling over, and gurning at the camera.
(Is this the first romantic comedy posted in this thread?)
(And is it the first to feature some proper actors?)
Opening credits:
A car speeds down a winding country lane, the song playing is "You're So Vain".
Once the important credits have passed, we move into the car. Steve Guttenburg is driving, and singing along, looking at himself in the mirrors.
As he's looking at himself he doesn't notice something in the road, and he drives over it.
Moments later he realises he has a flat tyre and is forced to pull over.
He's struggling to get the tyre off when a female voice asks "Need a hand?"
Shocked by the voice Steve falls over into a muddy puddle.
The woman changes the tyre.
As she goes to ride off on her bicycle Steve asks "But you never told me your name."
She replies "That's for me to know, you to find out"
Steve gets back into the car and drives on to the B & B he is staying in.
Steve knocks on the door. Tony answers. "You're Steve right, the scientist...."
Tony shows Steve around the B&B and introduces him to the cook, pb.
A comical scene follows involving a slippery eel, and the threwe men trying to grab it, all jumping over each other.
After eating a hearty meal, and some character developing banter between Tony, pb Steve and another guest in the hotel Shocktrooper, (in which we learn the town is suffering due to the foot and mouth crisis, and Steve is a scientist called in to analyse the situation) Steve goes to bed and has a dream.
A soft focus camera thing is used as we see Steve running through a field with the girl he met earlier. A song is playing n the background, probably The Carpenters.
Steve wakes, looks down towards his stomach, and sighs.
The next day we see Steve and Shocktrooper talking, Steve is asking where the pub is, as he's meeting someone there.
Shocktrooper doesn't know, so they ask pb.
The three of them head to the pub, only half way there they see three men standing in the road, looking up at the roof of the local church. The men are Turbonutter, Sheepy and Goatboy.
Sheepy says "So the whole church roof is covered in it then?"
"Yup" Says Goatboy "It'll ward off those pesky monkeys"
"How did you get on the roof?" asks Turbonutter.
"With this" replies Goatboy, pulling a ladder out of his pocket.
"How'd he fit it in there?" says Steve to himself.
"Don't worry about them, they the local nutters" replies pb.
In the pub Steve again sees the girl that fixed his tyre. They talk, for long hours, and share a kiss. Very romantic, humourous banter. We learn that the girl is called Mystique, and her farm animals are due to be culled because of the foot and mout crisis. Steve doesn't reveal himself to be the scientist.
The following day we see Mr Snuggly openning the back of his van. "Fly my pretties, fly!" He cries, as three winged monkeys step out of the van. They look around for a bit, and pull faces. Mr Snuggly kicks them, then they fly. Onto the church roof.
Goatboy sees this, and shakes his fist angrily.
Steve just happens to be walking past again, and here's Goatboy shout "Get the monkey off the roof" to Sheepy. Sheepy is swearing about the monkey repellant, that didn't seem to work.
Steve decides to help out, which leads to a hilarious scene involving him diving around on the church roof trying to catch the monkeys. He slips, and would fall to his death if it weren't for his trousers catching on the guttering.
He hangs there for a while, before the fire brigade rescue him.
Whilst he's hanging there Mystique walks by and happens to ask "Is that who i think it is?" Turbonutter puts his foot in it by saying "It be the foot and mouth specialist!"
When Steve is safe Mystique approaches him, and slaps him across the face. She accuses him of being responsible for the culling of her animals, which will take place in less than 24 hours. She says that she never wants to see him again.
Later on, in the evening Steve tries to go back to the pub, but someone has put a "No Steves allowed" sign on the door. Bleeders is throwing stones at the window. Steve Guttenburg sighs.
"Don't worry about it, man!" Says a man sitting in the dark.
Guttenburg approaches him. It's Steve Buscemi. "You can get her back, you know" says Buscemi "You just have to put things right."
Guttenburg thanks him, and runs off, tripping on the way, then looking around to see if anyone noticed.
The next morning Mystique is sitting, waiting. There's a knock at the door. She cries out "Is that the death squad?"
"No it's only the postman" comes the reply.
Mystique opens the door, wearing a revealing nightie. The postman hands her a card which confirms that her animals are to be culled at 4pm. She cries. The postman leaves, feeling a bit embarrassed.
Time passes, the execution squad arrive, and Mystique leads them out to the animals. Her sister is also there, for moral support.
Just as the first sheep is to be given it's lethal injection a woman cries "Stop everything!"
"Mother?" asks Mystique.
"I'm not sure that it is, I think it's a man in drag" replies her sister.
"If that's not my mother, then who is it?" asks Mystique.
The man in drag is speaking to the executioners, but we can't here whats going on. The man in drag swaps the lethal injection of the executioners with something else.
Mystique runs over and asks what's going on.
"This lady....um, she's developed a cure for foot and mouth, so your animals are saved!" Says one of the executioners.
"That's no lady" Says Mystique "It's the man I love!"
Steve tears off his disguise and kisses Mystique.
We cut forward a year to see Steve and Mystique getting married in the church. Mr Snuggly is there, with more monkeys and Goatboy is shaking his fist at him, but this is going on in the background.
We see all of the characters that have featured in the film so far watching the ceremony, smiling. The movie fades to brown like 'Sons and Daughters' used to as Steve and Mystique kiss.
We never discover why Steve was dressed as a woman.
End credits, but with a few outtakes, mostly Steve Guttenburg falling over, and gurning at the camera.
(Is this the first romantic comedy posted in this thread?)
(And is it the first to feature some proper actors?)
Hide the Monkey
I hope this isnít too long :-s
Mr Nice Guy, inhabiting a cosy three-bedroom house situated on the outskirts of the county Chat, recently came into contact with an eccentric escapee, an escapee that just happened to be a monkey. But in typical sci-fi fashion, this monkey is no ordinary monkey. He just happens to have escaped from the atrocious FoG Company ñ a company notorious for their downright unethical experiments on innocent, harmless animals. Theyíre vigorously run by, snobby, no-good, Goatboy, a prolific cigar smoker who never left the laboratory without his right-hand-man, Stryke ñ trained well in armed combat and handy in tight situations. GasMask was their spy and often risked his life impersonating the enemyís closest and most trusted friends in order to bring back to base the most essential, useful information the team could not go without.
They, recently, were busy experimenting with Mr Snuggly when the outrageous ape made a miraculous escape and fled into the big outdoor world. They were using him to test their latest breakthrough in cerebral advancements. They were testing to see if they could inject their new formulae into any kind of organic matter, preferably something smart, something that could learn from itís mistakes and enhance this creatureís thinking power to the height of our level of thinking, us humanís thinking ability, that is. Incredibly, this experiment was successful. However, to the FoG Companyís disgust, Mr ënow I.Q level of over one hundredí (until now impossibly high for a monkey) Snuggly was free, free to roam the big outside. Yes, you guessed it, this is where Mr Nice Guy comes in.
So, one night when Mr Nice Guy was asleep, lying snugly in his four-poster bed, he heard a strange, but annoyingly loud tapping noise on his bedroom window. Sitting up in order to get a better view of what could possibly be the cause for this awful din, Mr Nice Guy caught a glimpse of a monkey tapping and scraping against his single-glazed windows. However, the strange thing about this monkey was that he was wearing plumberís overalls accompanied with a posh top-hat. ìStrangeî, thought Mr Nice Guy to himself. Ignoring the fact that this monkey could very well be deranged and highly dangerous to his health, Tom (Mr Nice Guyís real name) walked straight up to the window and opened it, letting hairy Mr Snuggly in. They made friends quickly and instantly got to know each other. Oblivious to the fact that this monkey could communicate using strange hand signals and was able to type understandable words onto Tomís PC, Tom let him stay and thought nothing of it. As these new chums settled down and nodded off with no thought for the rest of the world, they had no idea whatsoever that Goatboy, Stryke and GasMask were currently starting a vigorous search for their prized chimp. Yet, to make things worse for Tom and Mr Snuggly, they happened to have to have a special odour-detecting device ñ perfect for tracking down Mr Snugglyís ominous, unmistakable fragrance. Their search was going to be easier than they first thought.
This is the part of the film where it all gets a bit hectic and hard to keep up with. Mr Nice Guy wakes up to a startling view of his mate Shocktrooperís a**e; Shocky (as he likes to be called) was hanging out of Tomís window, apparently attempting to get a good of view of something on the roof. Tom was surprised to see Shocky on the roof, but in the least surprised to see him in his room. Shocky had made a habit out of trying to scare Tom in morning by climbing through his conveniently unlocked window every night, so, Tom wasnít bothered by Shockyís early company. ìWhat are you doing?î Tom asked Shocky. ìGet the monkey off the roof!î Replied Shocky. Tom suddenly remembered that the night before he had met a strange, intelligent monkey, and quickly called for him back. To his surprise he came first time. Shocky told Tom about what had been in the morning news, and informed him tha he was in serious danger ñ the monkey belonged to the vile FoG Company. Next, the monkey explained on Tomís computer using paint that he had checked to see if anyone was suspicious was coming, and that his quick look-out revealed that there was a black van coming down the road. Tom and Shocky panicked and immediately became hysterical, because, like every other kid in the neighbourhood, knew that the FoG Company were more than capable of murder. Tom thought of a good hiding place for Mr Snuggly ñ a hole below the toilet U-bend. Shocky pointed out that it would be too small for Mr Snuggly. However, with a rather louder than anticipated ìHowíd he fit in there!?î, Mr Snuggly fit in. To the two human friendís horror, there was a tapping at the front door downstairs. Afraid it was a member of the FoG, the two looked carefully out of the window, only to find that ìNo, Itís only the postmanî Said Tom with huge relief. ìItís a good job, tooî Started Shocky ìwe need someone to show this monkey toî. The postman just happened to be Tomís uncle. They let him in and shown him the monkey. Tomís uncle, the postman told them not to worry, heíd call the police immediately. However, he did something strange as he went out of the bathroom. He spoke to himself, into what looked like a walkie talkie. Just as Tom and Shocky started being slightly suspicious, the sound of a car approaching the driveway could be heard. ìYes! Itís your mum, Tom!î Shocky shouted enthusiastically. ìW-wait, i-itís not your mum, T-tomî Shocky said rather tentively. His expression changed from someone very excited to someone very, very worried. ìIf thatís not my mother, then who is it?î Tom asked, slightly angered by all this confusion. The door opened. They creeped wearily downstairs to discover that Tomís uncle had opened the door and let someone snobby-looking in, someone smoking a cigar. He wasnít alone, he was with someone holding a tiny pistol and looking very smug about this letting in. But to the horror of the two boys, the postman was not in fact Tomís uncle, but GasMask....
*A ëcontinueí sign comes up and leaves the rest of the film to your imagination*
SHOCKY
I hope this isnít too long :-s
Mr Nice Guy, inhabiting a cosy three-bedroom house situated on the outskirts of the county Chat, recently came into contact with an eccentric escapee, an escapee that just happened to be a monkey. But in typical sci-fi fashion, this monkey is no ordinary monkey. He just happens to have escaped from the atrocious FoG Company ñ a company notorious for their downright unethical experiments on innocent, harmless animals. Theyíre vigorously run by, snobby, no-good, Goatboy, a prolific cigar smoker who never left the laboratory without his right-hand-man, Stryke ñ trained well in armed combat and handy in tight situations. GasMask was their spy and often risked his life impersonating the enemyís closest and most trusted friends in order to bring back to base the most essential, useful information the team could not go without.
They, recently, were busy experimenting with Mr Snuggly when the outrageous ape made a miraculous escape and fled into the big outdoor world. They were using him to test their latest breakthrough in cerebral advancements. They were testing to see if they could inject their new formulae into any kind of organic matter, preferably something smart, something that could learn from itís mistakes and enhance this creatureís thinking power to the height of our level of thinking, us humanís thinking ability, that is. Incredibly, this experiment was successful. However, to the FoG Companyís disgust, Mr ënow I.Q level of over one hundredí (until now impossibly high for a monkey) Snuggly was free, free to roam the big outside. Yes, you guessed it, this is where Mr Nice Guy comes in.
So, one night when Mr Nice Guy was asleep, lying snugly in his four-poster bed, he heard a strange, but annoyingly loud tapping noise on his bedroom window. Sitting up in order to get a better view of what could possibly be the cause for this awful din, Mr Nice Guy caught a glimpse of a monkey tapping and scraping against his single-glazed windows. However, the strange thing about this monkey was that he was wearing plumberís overalls accompanied with a posh top-hat. ìStrangeî, thought Mr Nice Guy to himself. Ignoring the fact that this monkey could very well be deranged and highly dangerous to his health, Tom (Mr Nice Guyís real name) walked straight up to the window and opened it, letting hairy Mr Snuggly in. They made friends quickly and instantly got to know each other. Oblivious to the fact that this monkey could communicate using strange hand signals and was able to type understandable words onto Tomís PC, Tom let him stay and thought nothing of it. As these new chums settled down and nodded off with no thought for the rest of the world, they had no idea whatsoever that Goatboy, Stryke and GasMask were currently starting a vigorous search for their prized chimp. Yet, to make things worse for Tom and Mr Snuggly, they happened to have to have a special odour-detecting device ñ perfect for tracking down Mr Snugglyís ominous, unmistakable fragrance. Their search was going to be easier than they first thought.
This is the part of the film where it all gets a bit hectic and hard to keep up with. Mr Nice Guy wakes up to a startling view of his mate Shocktrooperís a**e; Shocky (as he likes to be called) was hanging out of Tomís window, apparently attempting to get a good of view of something on the roof. Tom was surprised to see Shocky on the roof, but in the least surprised to see him in his room. Shocky had made a habit out of trying to scare Tom in morning by climbing through his conveniently unlocked window every night, so, Tom wasnít bothered by Shockyís early company. ìWhat are you doing?î Tom asked Shocky. ìGet the monkey off the roof!î Replied Shocky. Tom suddenly remembered that the night before he had met a strange, intelligent monkey, and quickly called for him back. To his surprise he came first time. Shocky told Tom about what had been in the morning news, and informed him tha he was in serious danger ñ the monkey belonged to the vile FoG Company. Next, the monkey explained on Tomís computer using paint that he had checked to see if anyone was suspicious was coming, and that his quick look-out revealed that there was a black van coming down the road. Tom and Shocky panicked and immediately became hysterical, because, like every other kid in the neighbourhood, knew that the FoG Company were more than capable of murder. Tom thought of a good hiding place for Mr Snuggly ñ a hole below the toilet U-bend. Shocky pointed out that it would be too small for Mr Snuggly. However, with a rather louder than anticipated ìHowíd he fit in there!?î, Mr Snuggly fit in. To the two human friendís horror, there was a tapping at the front door downstairs. Afraid it was a member of the FoG, the two looked carefully out of the window, only to find that ìNo, Itís only the postmanî Said Tom with huge relief. ìItís a good job, tooî Started Shocky ìwe need someone to show this monkey toî. The postman just happened to be Tomís uncle. They let him in and shown him the monkey. Tomís uncle, the postman told them not to worry, heíd call the police immediately. However, he did something strange as he went out of the bathroom. He spoke to himself, into what looked like a walkie talkie. Just as Tom and Shocky started being slightly suspicious, the sound of a car approaching the driveway could be heard. ìYes! Itís your mum, Tom!î Shocky shouted enthusiastically. ìW-wait, i-itís not your mum, T-tomî Shocky said rather tentively. His expression changed from someone very excited to someone very, very worried. ìIf thatís not my mother, then who is it?î Tom asked, slightly angered by all this confusion. The door opened. They creeped wearily downstairs to discover that Tomís uncle had opened the door and let someone snobby-looking in, someone smoking a cigar. He wasnít alone, he was with someone holding a tiny pistol and looking very smug about this letting in. But to the horror of the two boys, the postman was not in fact Tomís uncle, but GasMask....
*A ëcontinueí sign comes up and leaves the rest of the film to your imagination*
SHOCKY
It's a beautiful rainy day in phoneville when suddenly something pops, and a terrible smell of fart starts to float through the air. Everybody stops and starts to wave their hands in front of their face. As 700, (real name Hairy Toad) a secret agent from MI6 looks around, he notices a monkey on the roof of a nearby building.
"Look at that"
700 says to his counterpart 600 (real name Pink Pig), whilst pointing at the monkey.
"Is that a monkey?"
600 replies
"I think it is!!"
Says 700
700 then realises that in fact the stench wasn't fart but was actually stinkthrax. He quickly pulls out his pocket stinkthrax mask and puts it on. As he looks at the monkey he notices next to the monkey a giant deflated balloon. 700 wasn't stupid, well 600 was, but 700 wasn't and realised that the monkey was in fact an INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST and runs into the building and up the stairs in chase of the monkey. He gets to the roof and grabs the monkey. 600 shouts from the ground,
"Get the monkey off the roof"
And 700 comes down stairs with the monkey under his arm. He drops the monkey in the street and a crowd gather round them.
700 grabs the monkeys face and pulls it off to reveal a man.
"Who is it?"
Someone shouts
"Is it an alien?"
Someone else shouts
"No, it's only the postman"
Someone declares. 700 interrupts them,
"That's where youíre all wrong, except the first person who said something, because you didn't actually guess anything, but it is in actual fact,"
He pulls off his face to reveal another person who wearing a turban and has a long beard.
"Who are you?"
700 asks.
"And how did you fit in that monkey suit?"
"Well I'm only 3 and a half foot and I'm Pink Pig's mother"
Replies the guy who just said "I'm Pink Pigs mother". 600 suddenly says
"MUM?"
"Oh Christ I'm not really your mother"
Says that guy from before. 600 the says
"Well if that's not my mother, then who is it?" An intelligent person called Mr.Snuggly (also known as Steven Hawkins) happens to be walking past and says (in his weird voice)
"Oh my god, it's Osama Bin Laden"
Everyone is shocked, and then Osama Bin Laden says
"And I would have got away with it to if it weren't for the meddling government!"
It stops raining and everybody except 700 i.e. Hairy Toad died because they forgot to wear stinkthrax masks!!
The End
"Look at that"
700 says to his counterpart 600 (real name Pink Pig), whilst pointing at the monkey.
"Is that a monkey?"
600 replies
"I think it is!!"
Says 700
700 then realises that in fact the stench wasn't fart but was actually stinkthrax. He quickly pulls out his pocket stinkthrax mask and puts it on. As he looks at the monkey he notices next to the monkey a giant deflated balloon. 700 wasn't stupid, well 600 was, but 700 wasn't and realised that the monkey was in fact an INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST and runs into the building and up the stairs in chase of the monkey. He gets to the roof and grabs the monkey. 600 shouts from the ground,
"Get the monkey off the roof"
And 700 comes down stairs with the monkey under his arm. He drops the monkey in the street and a crowd gather round them.
700 grabs the monkeys face and pulls it off to reveal a man.
"Who is it?"
Someone shouts
"Is it an alien?"
Someone else shouts
"No, it's only the postman"
Someone declares. 700 interrupts them,
"That's where youíre all wrong, except the first person who said something, because you didn't actually guess anything, but it is in actual fact,"
He pulls off his face to reveal another person who wearing a turban and has a long beard.
"Who are you?"
700 asks.
"And how did you fit in that monkey suit?"
"Well I'm only 3 and a half foot and I'm Pink Pig's mother"
Replies the guy who just said "I'm Pink Pigs mother". 600 suddenly says
"MUM?"
"Oh Christ I'm not really your mother"
Says that guy from before. 600 the says
"Well if that's not my mother, then who is it?" An intelligent person called Mr.Snuggly (also known as Steven Hawkins) happens to be walking past and says (in his weird voice)
"Oh my god, it's Osama Bin Laden"
Everyone is shocked, and then Osama Bin Laden says
"And I would have got away with it to if it weren't for the meddling government!"
It stops raining and everybody except 700 i.e. Hairy Toad died because they forgot to wear stinkthrax masks!!
The End
Mr.Snuggly wrote:
This one will end at midnight on Sunday November 18th
Sunday 18th.
Reading is over-rated, I grant you, but Snuggly wrote words in a logical order, using correct syntax and grammar and specifying a closing date.
*slaps forehead*
This one will end at midnight on Sunday November 18th
Sunday 18th.
Reading is over-rated, I grant you, but Snuggly wrote words in a logical order, using correct syntax and grammar and specifying a closing date.
*slaps forehead*
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