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I'm still here, and will be through the night. Entertain me with funny stories, jokes and annecdotes - basically just make my night that bit more bearable.
*Note to Tony - still working, obviously*
*Note to Tony - still working, obviously*
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Another word for a certain bodily function which I thought was great, but I really shouldn't say but I will:
Tears of joy.
Tears of joy.
Not as good as F*cks of to Benfica - a genuine headline about the footballer Andre F*cks, moving to Benfica. Made me laugh, wish I could come up with something like that. Best I've ever done is G-er-no-ral Election.
If you are looking to be entertained then you must try spearing britney. Its a cool flash game (if you have already played it then im sorry) Its worth playing.
These are all real newspaper headlines, and they're damn funny!
58 Actual Newspaper Headlines
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
30. War Dims Hope for Peace
31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumn
54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
58. Include your Children when Baking Cookies
58 Actual Newspaper Headlines
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
30. War Dims Hope for Peace
31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumn
54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
58. Include your Children when Baking Cookies
Man walks into a bar and says "Ouch"
Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"
Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"
Linkin Park - Hybrid Theory
You want short? I can do short:
Two sausages and a egg in a frying pan, the egg says to the sausage.
"It's hot in here isn't it?"
To which the sausage says to the other sausage
"Bloody hell, a talking egg!"
Two sausages and a egg in a frying pan, the egg says to the sausage.
"It's hot in here isn't it?"
To which the sausage says to the other sausage
"Bloody hell, a talking egg!"
What do you call a Spanish dog with no back legs??
Grassy-***e.
What did the policeman say to his stomach??
You're under a vest.
What is Ant planning to say when his French teacher gives out the homework she's marked, and his is still in his book??
He's gonna go up to her, hoping she hasn't noted down that my homework wasn't given in, and say, "err....miss? You didn't mark mine."
HAW HAW HAW!!
Grassy-***e.
What did the policeman say to his stomach??
You're under a vest.
What is Ant planning to say when his French teacher gives out the homework she's marked, and his is still in his book??
He's gonna go up to her, hoping she hasn't noted down that my homework wasn't given in, and say, "err....miss? You didn't mark mine."
HAW HAW HAW!!
Whooo Style! wrote:
> Clubbers Guide To Ibiza Summer 2001 - great CD!
Jokes?
> Appreciated?
Appreciated - but need more, short sharp and punchy.
> Clubbers Guide To Ibiza Summer 2001 - great CD!
Jokes?
> Appreciated?
Appreciated - but need more, short sharp and punchy.
Muse excellent choice.
I hate all that ... you know Ibiza stuff and I actually listened to that Chillout album (well was forced to) and enjoyed it.
Wis it wasn't linked with that guff :-)
I hate all that ... you know Ibiza stuff and I actually listened to that Chillout album (well was forced to) and enjoyed it.
Wis it wasn't linked with that guff :-)
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