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"EXTRA EXTRA GAMEADAY PRIZE (wedding speech)"

There is only one prize available and will can only be won IF I use parts of your speech in my speech at my daughter's wedding on Friday.

If I don't use any parts of any of the speeches submitted then there will be no prize.

The closing date is MIDNIGHT WEDNESDAY 22nd AUGUST.


The speech starts with these words:

I wonder why we GIVE away our daughters in England. BUT - DON'T USE THIS IN YOUR SPEECH PLEASE. It's just intended be a one liner which implies that they get paid for their daughters in other countries.

You carry on and write the rest (please)

Help!


Sarah is 5' 2" and Wayne is about 6' 4". They met while they were working in the Special Reserve shop in Chelmsford. Wayne was the supervisor then! He was a PC technician at the time, now he's a jet-setting systems guru.

er-no wrote:
> I wonder why we GIVE away our daughters in England.

Is it
> because we have had enough of there 'times of the month' or there
> boy problems and annoying 'I am a woman now' speeches? or is it
> because we see that they are moving on and becoming something you
> are in two minds whether you won't them to?

No seriously ladies
> and gentlemen, if you ever want to make time fly, have a daughter,
> and then see how long it seems to take for you to become a
> father-in-law. I could swear I’ve missed a decade somewhere! I knew,
> right from the beginning, that Sarah would be special. And she is.
>

For she meet Wayne over a counter in one of my shops while
> fixing a computer. If any girl can love a man who is a systems guru
> then he can't be that bad....

(no laughing)

....oh... this is
> the first speech I've given since my own wedding almost ''' years
> ago so you will probably appreciate that I am a 'bit' rusty at this
> sort of thing...

*your crap*

And now, Ladies and
> Gentlemen.......may I ask you to rise and lift your glasses.......as
> we drink a toast of long life and great happiness to the bride and
> groom........To Sarah and errrmm...err... (click fingers and point)
> Wayne.


*smooth as a thorn... take your seat... and
> sit*

lol@myself!

Time for Tony’s toast. After three pubs, four pints and a few glasses of wine....

Toastmaster: "And now ladies and gentleman, for your listening pleasure – the father of the bride!"

*Room goes silent, Tony knocks back his fifth glass of wine, and stands up (shakily)*

Tony starts, feeling a touch light-headed:
"I wonder why we GIVE away our daughters in England, but thinking about it makes it all seem so clear. I think it’s a kind of retribution. I have had to endure years of punishment in the forms of tantrums, crying and half-brained boyfriends; and now I think this wedding day is a final retribution from all that suffering. We give our daughters away because we now know someone else has been passed the burden, and that man is Wayne."

*Tony knocks back another glass of wine*

Tony continues, eyes starting to blur:
"I am glad that Sarah has found a man with a whole brain for a change, who got where he is today by firstly working in one of my shops. If you don’t mind I would like digress back to the time these two first met. After years of me going on to Sarah about Special Reserve, she finally decided to go to the Chelmsford shop to see what the fuss was all about. She wandered around a bit, remembered she didn’t actually like gaming, so picked up a DVD and went to pay at the counter. Whilst the spotty shop assistant put the 'Erotic Witch Project' in a bag, Sarah heard a loud bang. When she turned around she gazed into the stomach of a man who had just banged his head on the doorway. After arching her neck up, she saw his face and instantly fell in love. The man turned round, looked downwards and met her gaze with equal amazement. Then they were abruptly interrupted: "Here’s your Erotic Witch project – thanks for buying from Special Reserve" shouted the acne-challenged assistant, and Sarah went as red as a beetroot, grabbed the bag off him, hung her head in embarrassment, and started to run out of the shop. "Wait!" shouted the tall man in a thick Essex accent. Sarah stopped and turned around. "My names Wayne – would you...erm... like any...er... company to watch that film?" Wayne? Sarah thought. Oh well – why not, it’s better than my last boyfriend Dwayne. "Ok – I’d love to! Hi there I’m Sarah, the daughter of the SR boss". With pound signs still rolling in Wayne’s eyes, he gave her his number, and the rest, shall we say – is history!"

*Tony spots the fact that people are starting to fall asleep, so knocks back another glass and prepares a big finish*

Tony shouts loudly, waking up half the guests:
"SO!! Congratulations to Wayne and Sarah, may she never leave you and come back home. I propose a toast! Ladies and gentleman will you please be upstanding - To me! For putting up with her all these years! To Tony!"

"To Tony!" The rest of the guests mumble in bewilderment.

*Tony knocks back another glass of wine, slumps to his chair and promptly falls asleep*

I wonder why we GIVE away our daughters in England. It's probably because they cost so much money to bring up. Nappies, food, holidays, school - oh and we mustn't forget the hassle - those teenage years were a nightmare. There was this one time right my daughter came back from school and... no I better not embarrass her she will kill me!

After all this work me and my wife have done for my lovely daughter Sarah it's a blessing that she came to work for ME in my Chelmsford shop. What a lovely repayment she gave me! It's a good thing she was such a loving daughter who did work for me as this is where she met Wayne... a lovely guy who I think she is going to be happy with.

That's all I can think of. :/

Part of a father of the bride speech I remember being good....

'With us parents having over 60 years of married life combined, there must be some words of wisdom we can offer the newly-weds to help make the marriage a success.
1/ Never goto sleep mad with each other
2/ Always enjoy each others company to the full.
3/ Surprise each other occasionally.
4/ Try to see arguements from the others oint of view etc. etc.'

And then the 'big laugh' at the end:

'But remember to do as I say, not as I do!'

Hmmmmmm. What do you think? It was quite touching and funny when I heard it....

There is the classic line...

'I'm not giving away a daughter, I'm gaining a son'

Very nice!

Good luck, and congratualtions (getting married myself on November 10th).

P.S. Tellah is from Final Fantasy II. I've never played Tellah's story. What's that about?

Poor Tony... such a hardworking man he hasn't got the time to prepare a speech. Only kidding I understand.. I'll see what I can come up with :)

Aw bless. (Just read Tony's initial post.)

Hope it all goes well.

Might have time to post something helpful here, hopefully!

Start by thanking everyone to be there, note people who have come a long way, and note people who have contributed to the costs.

"I wonder why we GIVE away our daughters in England. Traditionally, the father gives his daughter not only to the groom, but to the family of the groom. You'd think that after (x) years I'd be desperate for this day to come, after moments like when she... er....

Y'see, when writing this speech, I tried to think of little jokes from her childhood, all I could remember is happy memories. The time has flown as (sentimental bit here), and now she has met Wayne, and despite being a techie, he's a good bloke (etc.), and and happy for my daughter to be with him.

So I'm not really giving my daughter away, I'm more welcoming a son-in-law into my family, wishing them a happt life together and giving my condolences to any exes on weither side, that missed their chance."

Toast here.

(This speech was brought to you in association with Immodium.)

Tony, check out confetti.co.uk.

I wonder why we GIVE away our daughters in England.

Why can't we just...toss them?? You know, insteading of slowly walking up the aisle with her, why not throw her? It would save a bit of time, and I expect my daughter was rather embarrased at holding her 'old' Dad's hand!

But anyway, I'd like to wish the couple every happiness as they enter into the strange new world of marriage, also known as 'hell.'

And remember Wayne, when your first child starts playing video games, remember to shop for all your consoles, games and accessories, at Special Reserve.

nnnnngggggggg. Nope, sorry, can't think of anything, but have a great day anyway Tony and don't get too drunk before you make your speech. Do that afterwards.

:-)

Wayne? From Chelmsford? Not promising..... :-)

(ahh got it - pots of money eh?)