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"The best films that never were"

Wow, Aliens Vs Predator. How original. I could pull a better movie pitch out of my ass and it'd still smell sweeter. So I have, and you should too.

Back to the Future IV - Marty and the Doc travel so far into the future, they meet up with the Terminators in a war-ravaged earth run by metal robots. Features hilarious scenes of robots trying to get into the DeLorean but repeatedly banging their heads on the rubbish doors. A comedy.

Die Hard 4 - Bruce Willis breaks his hip and is left to slowly rot in a retirement home, when he gets on the trail of the mysterious yellow puddle in the common room. Co-starring Steven Seagal as a ninja orderly.

Alien Vs Jude Law - not so much a movie as a documentary, in which we see how long Britain's smug, impossibly annoying Caine-wannabe can survive in a glass cage with an angry xenomorph (that's had its balls cut off).

Dances With Spitfires

From Producer Jerry Bruckheimer, comes the emotionally true story about an American pilot who risked his life to save us damn dirty, no good for nothing Europeans during the Second World War. The plot? Britain is under siege from Germany, and there aint a damn thing those Brits are doing to stop it, they just sit around drinking tea and eating crumpets. Step forward Tom Cruise, the hero of the piece who jumps into the nearest spitfire and takes to the air, just in time to single handily win the Battle of Britain, and only in the first five minutes of him arriving.

Much to the dismay of his commanding British officer, who’s probably posh, or a cockney because only posh people or Londoners exist in England and London is the only city. Everyone hates Cruise at first because he’s a loud mouth obnoxious American, but they soon come to likes him after he defeats the German Luftwaffe, frees most of occupied Europe and captures Hitler after a fistfight on a ski lift over the Alps.

Based on a True Story.

I, Robot 2

Also based on the best selling robot novels by Isaac Asimov; Will Smith teams up with Jazzy Jeff and Uncle Phil as they are hurtled back in time to medieval England. Here they fight with knights of the realm, sail in the armada against the Spainish and give Shakespeare his big break by rapping out one of his plays to the King. Also features many hilarious 'double whammy' fat jokes when Uncle Phil meets Henry VIII, who later proceeds to send Jeff flying out of the palace in a comical fashion after he beds his current wife (the ugly one with six fingers).

Everybody leaves the cinema wanting to buy Silk & Shine Blistex and Hylands EnurAid Incontinence Pads.



The producers say they are very pleased to once again bring Isaac's tales of robots to a modern audience.

Not as good as:

Frame-Up III: Beadle's Revenge
Many feature several glimpses of a shockingly tiny hand

I was looking up Wings the other day on IMDB, wondering if he'd done anything lately. I still believe that he has been in some of the best titled movies of all time - my favourite being:

Frame-Up II: The Cover Up

high speed

a bunch of stoners inadvertanly steal a bus and park it outside KFC. they can't be bothered to drive it as fast as 50 mph and the bomb is never a problem.

tagline: "there's a bong on the bus, don't panic!" (as read by Clive Dunn)

Goatboy wrote:
> Log In The Creek
>
> Anybody that's been here a year or so

Dude, it was about three years ago. It shocked me too. Wings needs to return.

There's a Seagal film coming out soon that sounds very much like Log in the Creek, like his writers have been scouring the net for storylines or something.

Edit: Check it out. [URL]http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=17704[/URL]

And any film with Ray Winston beating the living tar out of Jude Law with a chair-leg.
Make up your own plot.

Log In The Creek

Anybody that's been here a year or so will remember the awesome action-tv spectacular that was serialised here.
It could be turned into a film easily, and would rule.
A feral David Hasselhoff and his gang of white afro-nasty, Wings Hauser, Lou Diamond Phillips, Tom Bosley, Colombo, The A-Team, The Fonz, Airwolf.

Cultness.

Herbie Gets F**kered- Herbie is bought by a bunch of so-called stoners, who decide to fit in a 3.4 litre Porsche 911 Turbo engine. Unfortunately, it all goes wrong at a local drag strip, when the useless Nazi Car's tendency to get very rusty very quickly kills off any hope of a sequel as the weight of the engine forces the rusted floorpan to literally crumble at 100 MpH.

Stare Wars- Obi Wan Kenobi vs The Empire in a staring contest. Not really much to write home about. =D

The Passion Of Rambo

It will star sly! in his usual role, doing battle against heathens. the twist? it will be filmed completely in stallonish....again