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Wow, Aliens Vs Predator. How original. I could pull a better movie pitch out of my ass and it'd still smell sweeter. So I have, and you should too.
Back to the Future IV - Marty and the Doc travel so far into the future, they meet up with the Terminators in a war-ravaged earth run by metal robots. Features hilarious scenes of robots trying to get into the DeLorean but repeatedly banging their heads on the rubbish doors. A comedy.
Die Hard 4 - Bruce Willis breaks his hip and is left to slowly rot in a retirement home, when he gets on the trail of the mysterious yellow puddle in the common room. Co-starring Steven Seagal as a ninja orderly.
Alien Vs Jude Law - not so much a movie as a documentary, in which we see how long Britain's smug, impossibly annoying Caine-wannabe can survive in a glass cage with an angry xenomorph (that's had its balls cut off).
Back to the Future IV - Marty and the Doc travel so far into the future, they meet up with the Terminators in a war-ravaged earth run by metal robots. Features hilarious scenes of robots trying to get into the DeLorean but repeatedly banging their heads on the rubbish doors. A comedy.
Die Hard 4 - Bruce Willis breaks his hip and is left to slowly rot in a retirement home, when he gets on the trail of the mysterious yellow puddle in the common room. Co-starring Steven Seagal as a ninja orderly.
Alien Vs Jude Law - not so much a movie as a documentary, in which we see how long Britain's smug, impossibly annoying Caine-wannabe can survive in a glass cage with an angry xenomorph (that's had its balls cut off).
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Van Helsing VS The Mummy
After ruining the legend of Dracula, Frankenstein and wasting the potential of werewolves, Hugh Jackman returns with a new assignment from some boring religious guy to go to Egypt. Upon his arrival the Sphinx comes to life and chases him along for the Nile for 2 hours, whilst he also battles mutant crocs. He destroys it by realising that in a past life he was one of the designers, and put in an implosion button on its tail.
After this he goes into the pyramid and for unknown reasons turns into a volcano, and erupts all over the Mummy, which causes it to burn. Some bint pours water on him just in time to turn to back into a Hughman as the clock strikes midnight.
Hugh Jackass
People dress up as Hugh Jackman and perform death defying stunts of immense stupidity.
Love at First Bite
As if Van Helsing hadn't spoilt vampires enough already, here comes a hilarious comedy featuring the stars of Dawsons Creek. The bloke with the big head runs into the bird he fancied in the series, and is instantly obsessed with her. When he tracks her down he finds she's a vampire - Hilarity ensues as she tries to convert him to vampirity, and he tries ot cure her - with hilarious results! Sequels already planned in which they couple go on to meet the parents, have children and overcome other such wacky and hilarious situations! (Please note, hilarity may or may not ensue, the producers will not be found responsible if it's a pile of ass.)
Gone Fishin'
A Bollywood musical. When Raj's girlfriend things he's having an affair, much angry singing follows. All he wants to do is go fishing! He gets to the river, and happens to catch a mermaid. Just as she's singing him a love song, who should turn up but his girlfriend. Musical human VS mermaid fighting begins, before descending into lesbianism, until the Man-fish show up and shake they asses.
After ruining the legend of Dracula, Frankenstein and wasting the potential of werewolves, Hugh Jackman returns with a new assignment from some boring religious guy to go to Egypt. Upon his arrival the Sphinx comes to life and chases him along for the Nile for 2 hours, whilst he also battles mutant crocs. He destroys it by realising that in a past life he was one of the designers, and put in an implosion button on its tail.
After this he goes into the pyramid and for unknown reasons turns into a volcano, and erupts all over the Mummy, which causes it to burn. Some bint pours water on him just in time to turn to back into a Hughman as the clock strikes midnight.
Hugh Jackass
People dress up as Hugh Jackman and perform death defying stunts of immense stupidity.
Love at First Bite
As if Van Helsing hadn't spoilt vampires enough already, here comes a hilarious comedy featuring the stars of Dawsons Creek. The bloke with the big head runs into the bird he fancied in the series, and is instantly obsessed with her. When he tracks her down he finds she's a vampire - Hilarity ensues as she tries to convert him to vampirity, and he tries ot cure her - with hilarious results! Sequels already planned in which they couple go on to meet the parents, have children and overcome other such wacky and hilarious situations! (Please note, hilarity may or may not ensue, the producers will not be found responsible if it's a pile of ass.)
Gone Fishin'
A Bollywood musical. When Raj's girlfriend things he's having an affair, much angry singing follows. All he wants to do is go fishing! He gets to the river, and happens to catch a mermaid. Just as she's singing him a love song, who should turn up but his girlfriend. Musical human VS mermaid fighting begins, before descending into lesbianism, until the Man-fish show up and shake they asses.
I like it. Kramer vs Kramer vs King Kong vs Brian Blessed vs The USA
Will Smith : The Cop (Again)
Big Willy is a cop like he was in the 50 odd other movies he has starred in.
The End.
Oh, and he has a big willy.
:P
Big Willy is a cop like he was in the 50 odd other movies he has starred in.
The End.
Oh, and he has a big willy.
:P
King Kong 2: Cling On
The giant monkey himself, Kong, climbs Everest in order to take a giant dump but finds that Brian Blessed is at the summit talking very loudly about how great Blackadder was. In anger and also neccessity, he pinches one off but the monster stool drops 1000ft and destroys the base camp below before causing an avalanche which destroys America somehow. In a bid to sue Kong, an "ambulance chaser", litigator Lionel Bonobo, sets out to prove that Kong killed the USA, by taking a sample of the inevitable cling-ons matted to the big dumb gorrila's ass hide.
Kong, who throughout the film protests his innocence, ends up pointing his end off Blackpool tower, theatening to take us all out with his "doom dump". After 2 hours of special effects and Kong fu fighting, Kong dies. Then in the denouement, the twist is revealed.
The big hairy ass that produced the steamer on Everest, belonged to Blessed and not Kong after all. The film ends with the reverberations of Blessed's laughter destroying the Earth and most of the Moon.
The giant monkey himself, Kong, climbs Everest in order to take a giant dump but finds that Brian Blessed is at the summit talking very loudly about how great Blackadder was. In anger and also neccessity, he pinches one off but the monster stool drops 1000ft and destroys the base camp below before causing an avalanche which destroys America somehow. In a bid to sue Kong, an "ambulance chaser", litigator Lionel Bonobo, sets out to prove that Kong killed the USA, by taking a sample of the inevitable cling-ons matted to the big dumb gorrila's ass hide.
Kong, who throughout the film protests his innocence, ends up pointing his end off Blackpool tower, theatening to take us all out with his "doom dump". After 2 hours of special effects and Kong fu fighting, Kong dies. Then in the denouement, the twist is revealed.
The big hairy ass that produced the steamer on Everest, belonged to Blessed and not Kong after all. The film ends with the reverberations of Blessed's laughter destroying the Earth and most of the Moon.
Saving Private Ryan 2 : The Chronicles of Uncle Sam
With Hitler defeated, and those puny Europeans protected, Uncle Sam is free to wallow in his own crapulence. But just out of view, a dangerous new terror lurks unseen. The whole of the middle east and anyone living elsewhere with middle eastern origin, or anyone who is not completely white is plotting to destroy America. The only answer is to completely decimate these evil goose-stepping sons of satan with good old home grown U.S of A nuclear power.
The pesky British are once again questioning Uncle Sams resolve and hampering the Americanisation of the world. Perhaps it's time to put these bunch of pompous tea-swilling stiff upper-lipped freaks out of their misery?
Starring : Vin Diesel, Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Rock, Jean-Claude-Van-Damme and McCauley Culkin. Brits played by volunteers. All Middle Easterns played by Art Malik.
With Hitler defeated, and those puny Europeans protected, Uncle Sam is free to wallow in his own crapulence. But just out of view, a dangerous new terror lurks unseen. The whole of the middle east and anyone living elsewhere with middle eastern origin, or anyone who is not completely white is plotting to destroy America. The only answer is to completely decimate these evil goose-stepping sons of satan with good old home grown U.S of A nuclear power.
The pesky British are once again questioning Uncle Sams resolve and hampering the Americanisation of the world. Perhaps it's time to put these bunch of pompous tea-swilling stiff upper-lipped freaks out of their misery?
Starring : Vin Diesel, Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Rock, Jean-Claude-Van-Damme and McCauley Culkin. Brits played by volunteers. All Middle Easterns played by Art Malik.
Jurassic Park 4 (because the third one wasn't bad enough)
Dinosaurs are attacking mainland America after the disaster at Jurassic Park. Hammond, feeling responsible, wants to breed super intelligent, killer dinosaurs to stop the old ones (of course, these new dinosaurs will die because they've fiddled with their DNA) and hires some guy to go to Isla Nubla to get, yes, the can of DNA that Nedry lost so they can make the dinos.
The guy gets the can, only to be kidnapped and wakes up in a strange castle where the owners of the island are creating their own super dinosaurs, which can follow orders, and they want the guy to train them and...
Oh, wait, that IS the pitch for Jurassic Park 4. Dear Lord.
Dinosaurs are attacking mainland America after the disaster at Jurassic Park. Hammond, feeling responsible, wants to breed super intelligent, killer dinosaurs to stop the old ones (of course, these new dinosaurs will die because they've fiddled with their DNA) and hires some guy to go to Isla Nubla to get, yes, the can of DNA that Nedry lost so they can make the dinos.
The guy gets the can, only to be kidnapped and wakes up in a strange castle where the owners of the island are creating their own super dinosaurs, which can follow orders, and they want the guy to train them and...
Oh, wait, that IS the pitch for Jurassic Park 4. Dear Lord.
Soul Plane
Snoop Dogg runs an airline.
It's a thriller.
Snoop Dogg runs an airline.
It's a thriller.
"Johnny Rocky V"
Sylvester Stallone trains up a young fighter named Jimmy McOirish, only for him to get killed in a bizarre gardening accident the night before his one shot at the title. To save his embarrassment, Stallone takes the corpse, fits it with a robotic endoskeleton, and proceeds to re-teach it how to box to cries of "No, Jimmy" and "More input, more input".
The day of the fight arrives, and his opponent is Jean-Claude VanDamme, trained to box by Roger Moore, who is watching and making signals with his eyebrows from the side of the ring. The fight is an epic, but Van Damme resorts to doing the splits and punching Jimmy in the balls. Little did he know that Stallone replaced Jimmy's dead balls with metal ones, breaking Van Damme's hand, and thus costing him the match. Jimmy is dubbed 'Balls of Steel' by the World's press, and appears on numerous chat shows, before being found dead in his luxury apartment in a pool of his own battery acid.
It's a comedy.
Sylvester Stallone trains up a young fighter named Jimmy McOirish, only for him to get killed in a bizarre gardening accident the night before his one shot at the title. To save his embarrassment, Stallone takes the corpse, fits it with a robotic endoskeleton, and proceeds to re-teach it how to box to cries of "No, Jimmy" and "More input, more input".
The day of the fight arrives, and his opponent is Jean-Claude VanDamme, trained to box by Roger Moore, who is watching and making signals with his eyebrows from the side of the ring. The fight is an epic, but Van Damme resorts to doing the splits and punching Jimmy in the balls. Little did he know that Stallone replaced Jimmy's dead balls with metal ones, breaking Van Damme's hand, and thus costing him the match. Jimmy is dubbed 'Balls of Steel' by the World's press, and appears on numerous chat shows, before being found dead in his luxury apartment in a pool of his own battery acid.
It's a comedy.
Ferris Beuller's Day Off 2 - a sequel to Ferris Beuller's Day Off, but, stars Matthew Bodderick as Ferris Beuller.
Wow, Aliens Vs Predator. How original. I could pull a better movie pitch out of my ass and it'd still smell sweeter. So I have, and you should too.
Back to the Future IV - Marty and the Doc travel so far into the future, they meet up with the Terminators in a war-ravaged earth run by metal robots. Features hilarious scenes of robots trying to get into the DeLorean but repeatedly banging their heads on the rubbish doors. A comedy.
Die Hard 4 - Bruce Willis breaks his hip and is left to slowly rot in a retirement home, when he gets on the trail of the mysterious yellow puddle in the common room. Co-starring Steven Seagal as a ninja orderly.
Alien Vs Jude Law - not so much a movie as a documentary, in which we see how long Britain's smug, impossibly annoying Caine-wannabe can survive in a glass cage with an angry xenomorph (that's had its balls cut off).
Back to the Future IV - Marty and the Doc travel so far into the future, they meet up with the Terminators in a war-ravaged earth run by metal robots. Features hilarious scenes of robots trying to get into the DeLorean but repeatedly banging their heads on the rubbish doors. A comedy.
Die Hard 4 - Bruce Willis breaks his hip and is left to slowly rot in a retirement home, when he gets on the trail of the mysterious yellow puddle in the common room. Co-starring Steven Seagal as a ninja orderly.
Alien Vs Jude Law - not so much a movie as a documentary, in which we see how long Britain's smug, impossibly annoying Caine-wannabe can survive in a glass cage with an angry xenomorph (that's had its balls cut off).
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