Viewing Thread:
"The best films that never were"

Wow, Aliens Vs Predator. How original. I could pull a better movie pitch out of my ass and it'd still smell sweeter. So I have, and you should too.

Back to the Future IV - Marty and the Doc travel so far into the future, they meet up with the Terminators in a war-ravaged earth run by metal robots. Features hilarious scenes of robots trying to get into the DeLorean but repeatedly banging their heads on the rubbish doors. A comedy.

Die Hard 4 - Bruce Willis breaks his hip and is left to slowly rot in a retirement home, when he gets on the trail of the mysterious yellow puddle in the common room. Co-starring Steven Seagal as a ninja orderly.

Alien Vs Jude Law - not so much a movie as a documentary, in which we see how long Britain's smug, impossibly annoying Caine-wannabe can survive in a glass cage with an angry xenomorph (that's had its balls cut off).

You only have to mention Indiana Jones 4 and that thread will come to mind.

There was one on telly the other night, which I watched about ten minutes of before falling asleep. He fought his way through a restaurant of goons to get to one of his shady contacts, then on his way out, the goons all squared up to him. He was leaving, just get out the way! Idiots.

Needless to day, he smashed up the joint and busted some ass with minimum effort.

A fair point, although personally I'd rather be assraped by a Wolverine than either of them - but each to their own.

Somebody watches Seagal movies, they keep making them.
Enjoy

Ah touché

I'd still rather watch a Seagal film than that talentless git Jean-Claude Van Damme.

It perturbs me that you know whatever crap martial art he claims to know.
But I'm more concerned that you can quote from his films.

It would be less embarassing to admit you like to cram tangerines up your ass and dance like a bear.

Goatboy wrote:
> Steven Seagal is an ass.
> A piggy-eyed ass with mediocre "kung-fu" that seems to
> consist of him waving his hands like an arthritic kid's magician that
> causes assailants to mysteriously do double-gainer backflips over
> railings and down gorges.

that's Aikido, Mr G. Boy, don't you know anything? pfff

He's alledgedly a 7th Dan too, not that anyone at all anywhere could care less. I watch his films for comedy value, he's like a greasy, Aikido practising, thinner version of Arnie.

"I'm gunna tek you to the bank, Senator Trent, to the BLOOD BANK"

someone with one liners as cheesy as that can't be all bad.

Mr Snuggly wrote:
> There's a Seagal film coming out soon that sounds very much like Log
> in the Creek, like his writers have been scouring the net for
> storylines or something.
>
> Edit: Check it out.
> [URL]http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=17704[/URL]
--------

I think I should sue them, thieving cultness lusters. Awesome review though for a film I'll die without watching.

Steven Seagal is an ass.
A piggy-eyed ass with mediocre "kung-fu" that seems to consist of him waving his hands like an arthritic kid's magician that causes assailants to mysteriously do double-gainer backflips over railings and down gorges.
At least Wings Hauser has the decency to appear in cool titled films with excellent character names.
Steven Seagal is like watching an elderly uncle tell the local kids to get away from his car, and they turn and mouth-off at him - making him huff and puff and go inside.

Jaws - an 89 minute interview with Richard Kiel. the least said the better...

Mr Snuggly wrote:

> There's a Seagal film coming out soon that sounds very much like Log
> in the Creek, like his writers have been scouring the net for
> storylines or something.

"I hear you're looking for a man who writes letters"

Classic.

Meka Dragon wrote:

>
> 24: The Movie
>
> It's a movie that's 24 hours long.

interestingly the longest movie ever made without sppech is over 24hrs long and is of a brick wall... (less interesting than 24 thoguh)