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Announcement from the EC (came from my brother Jim)
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than French, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, and strongly lobbied for by the German government and the new member Austria, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":
-In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" svith "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! !
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than French, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, and strongly lobbied for by the German government and the new member Austria, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":
-In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" svith "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! !
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A blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff
which one hits the ground first?
The brunette, the blonde stops and asks for directions!
which one hits the ground first?
The brunette, the blonde stops and asks for directions!
Mantis wrote:
> how do you get piekachu on a bus?
Poke em on!
Mantis you cow...that's my joke!
:D
> how do you get piekachu on a bus?
Poke em on!
Mantis you cow...that's my joke!
:D
Mouldy Cheese wrote:
> I'm not allowed to post other web adresses.
Tony would get mad
> and kill me.
Even though whoever it is behind the name [email protected] (Or whatever it is) said you can now post URL's.......
> I'm not allowed to post other web adresses.
Tony would get mad
> and kill me.
Even though whoever it is behind the name [email protected] (Or whatever it is) said you can now post URL's.......
I went to the doctors the other day...
The doctor said to me... say 'ahhh'
I said ... 'why?'
He replied 'Because my dog died this morning'
Boom boom! :P
The doctor said to me... say 'ahhh'
I said ... 'why?'
He replied 'Because my dog died this morning'
Boom boom! :P
I'm not allowed to post other web adresses.
Tony would get mad and kill me.
Tony would get mad and kill me.
Mouldy Cheese wrote:
> The women were trapped in a castle. They were a blonde, a brunette,
> and a
redhead. The only way out of the castle was to say something
> truthful to a
mirror. If you lied, you would disappear forever.
> The redhead went first and
she said “I think I’m smart”
She got
> out of the castle.
The brunette went next. “I think I’m the
> prettiest girl in the world” she
disappeared.
The blonde went
> last. “I think…” and she disappeared.
How does a blonde spell
> 'farm'?
E-I-E-I-O.
What's the Blonde's Cheer?
''I'm blonde,
> I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....uh, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde,
> yeah yeah yeah...''
A dumb blonde was bragging about his knowledge
> of the state capitals.
He proudly said,''go ahead, ask me, I know
> all of them.''
A redhead said, ''O.K., what's the capital of
> Wisconsin?''
The blonde replied, ''Oh, that's easy - 'W'.''
>
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to
>
death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see
> ''Closed for the Winter''.
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because
> they can spell it.
A blonde was driving down the highway to
> Disneyland when he saw a
sign that said ''DISNEYLAND LEFT''. After
> thinking for a minute, he
said to herself ''oh well!'' and turned
> around and drove home.
On his way home, the same blonde drove past
> another sign that said
''CLEAN RESTROOMS EIGHT MILES''. By the
> time he drove eight miles,
he had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Two
> blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and
>
said ''Oh, look at the deer tracks.'' The other blonde looks and
> says
''Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.'' ''No.
> Those are
deer tracks.'' They keep arguing, and arguing, and half
> an hour later,
they were both killed by a train.
What do you
> call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial
> intelligence.
What is the difference between a blonde and an
> inflatable doll?
About two cans of hair spray.
Did you hear
> about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for
a make-up
> exam?
Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is
> taking their picture.
What did the blonde say when he opened the
> box of Cheerios?
''Oh, look! Doughnut seeds!''
Why did the
> blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it
> said ''concentrate''.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
>
Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person
to
> say 'hi'.
Why do blondes shower for hours?
The shampoo bottle
> says, ''Lather, rinse, and repeat!''
What is the difference
> between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
>
What do UFOs and smart blondes have in common?
You keep
> hearing about them, but never see any
Do you know why the blonde
> got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
>
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
>
There's white-out on the screen.
how can you tell when a FAX
> had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
Which American web site did you copy these off?
> The women were trapped in a castle. They were a blonde, a brunette,
> and a
redhead. The only way out of the castle was to say something
> truthful to a
mirror. If you lied, you would disappear forever.
> The redhead went first and
she said “I think I’m smart”
She got
> out of the castle.
The brunette went next. “I think I’m the
> prettiest girl in the world” she
disappeared.
The blonde went
> last. “I think…” and she disappeared.
How does a blonde spell
> 'farm'?
E-I-E-I-O.
What's the Blonde's Cheer?
''I'm blonde,
> I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....uh, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde,
> yeah yeah yeah...''
A dumb blonde was bragging about his knowledge
> of the state capitals.
He proudly said,''go ahead, ask me, I know
> all of them.''
A redhead said, ''O.K., what's the capital of
> Wisconsin?''
The blonde replied, ''Oh, that's easy - 'W'.''
>
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to
>
death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see
> ''Closed for the Winter''.
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because
> they can spell it.
A blonde was driving down the highway to
> Disneyland when he saw a
sign that said ''DISNEYLAND LEFT''. After
> thinking for a minute, he
said to herself ''oh well!'' and turned
> around and drove home.
On his way home, the same blonde drove past
> another sign that said
''CLEAN RESTROOMS EIGHT MILES''. By the
> time he drove eight miles,
he had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Two
> blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and
>
said ''Oh, look at the deer tracks.'' The other blonde looks and
> says
''Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.'' ''No.
> Those are
deer tracks.'' They keep arguing, and arguing, and half
> an hour later,
they were both killed by a train.
What do you
> call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial
> intelligence.
What is the difference between a blonde and an
> inflatable doll?
About two cans of hair spray.
Did you hear
> about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for
a make-up
> exam?
Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is
> taking their picture.
What did the blonde say when he opened the
> box of Cheerios?
''Oh, look! Doughnut seeds!''
Why did the
> blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it
> said ''concentrate''.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
>
Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person
to
> say 'hi'.
Why do blondes shower for hours?
The shampoo bottle
> says, ''Lather, rinse, and repeat!''
What is the difference
> between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
>
What do UFOs and smart blondes have in common?
You keep
> hearing about them, but never see any
Do you know why the blonde
> got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
>
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
>
There's white-out on the screen.
how can you tell when a FAX
> had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
Which American web site did you copy these off?
Mantis wrote:
> how do you get piekachu on a bus?
Poke em on!
S**t joke i know
> but they will get better in quality as i add! :-)
Don't diss Pokémon till you can spell 'em all!
> how do you get piekachu on a bus?
Poke em on!
S**t joke i know
> but they will get better in quality as i add! :-)
Don't diss Pokémon till you can spell 'em all!
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