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Announcement from the EC (came from my brother Jim)
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than French, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, and strongly lobbied for by the German government and the new member Austria, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":
-In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" svith "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! !
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than French, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, and strongly lobbied for by the German government and the new member Austria, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":
-In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" svith "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! !
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www.jokes.com rules go to the yo momma section!:)
Your Honour wrote:
> Apparantly, it is legal, to kill a Welshman, in Hereford, no the
> high street, at lunchtime, on a sunday, with a crossbow.
It is
> illegal to chase a duck down the main road of Terling between the
> hours of 11am and 3pm on a sunday.
I thought Hereford was in Wales?
> Apparantly, it is legal, to kill a Welshman, in Hereford, no the
> high street, at lunchtime, on a sunday, with a crossbow.
It is
> illegal to chase a duck down the main road of Terling between the
> hours of 11am and 3pm on a sunday.
I thought Hereford was in Wales?
According to one of the local newspapers the : when the Beegee's did any live performances they needed to kick one another in the genitlas to hit those high notes in such songs as "Staying Alive"
Apparantly, it is legal, to kill a Welshman, in Hereford, no the high street, at lunchtime, on a sunday, with a crossbow.
It is illegal to chase a duck down the main road of Terling between the hours of 11am and 3pm on a sunday.
It is illegal to chase a duck down the main road of Terling between the hours of 11am and 3pm on a sunday.
(NOTE: No ducks were harmed in the telling of this "joke")
3 women are at the gates of heaven. Before entering heaven they learn of this rule, each person MUST be chained to a member of the opposite sex.
The three women are told to walk into heaven, and if they step on a duck then they'll be chained to an ugly guy, if they manage to get to heaven without stepping on a duck they'll get chained to a gorgeous guy.
The 1st one tries to get into heaven, the task is nearly impossible as the entrance is littered with ducks. In no time she slips and falls on a duck. So she is chained to an ugly guy.
The 2nd one tries to dive over the ducks but she ends up landing on some ducks and therefore is chained to an ugly guy.
Later the 3 women meet up in heaven, 2 of the women chained to absolutley ghastly men but the 3rd women was chained to this exceptionally good-looking guy. The 2 women, in awe, ask how she managed to get chained to the sexy guy. The 3rd women simply replies, "He was the one who stepped on a duck"
3 women are at the gates of heaven. Before entering heaven they learn of this rule, each person MUST be chained to a member of the opposite sex.
The three women are told to walk into heaven, and if they step on a duck then they'll be chained to an ugly guy, if they manage to get to heaven without stepping on a duck they'll get chained to a gorgeous guy.
The 1st one tries to get into heaven, the task is nearly impossible as the entrance is littered with ducks. In no time she slips and falls on a duck. So she is chained to an ugly guy.
The 2nd one tries to dive over the ducks but she ends up landing on some ducks and therefore is chained to an ugly guy.
Later the 3 women meet up in heaven, 2 of the women chained to absolutley ghastly men but the 3rd women was chained to this exceptionally good-looking guy. The 2 women, in awe, ask how she managed to get chained to the sexy guy. The 3rd women simply replies, "He was the one who stepped on a duck"
What do you get hanging from a tree?
Sore arms.
Sore arms.
There are some interesting UK laws around, actually. For example:
Using a postage stamp with the queens head upside down is treason
It is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises (such as pubs)
You can't eat Mince pies on Christmas day
I seem to remember something about compulsory archery practice, too. I'm not sure exactly what..
Using a postage stamp with the queens head upside down is treason
It is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises (such as pubs)
You can't eat Mince pies on Christmas day
I seem to remember something about compulsory archery practice, too. I'm not sure exactly what..
Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's o.k. I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you questions"
Girl: " o.k."
Medic: "What's your name"
Girl: "Sharon"
Medic: "O.K. Sharon, is this your car?"
Girl: "Yes"
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Girl: "Romford mate"
Medic: "It's o.k. I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you questions"
Girl: " o.k."
Medic: "What's your name"
Girl: "Sharon"
Medic: "O.K. Sharon, is this your car?"
Girl: "Yes"
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Girl: "Romford mate"
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