The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Announcement from the EC (came from my brother Jim)
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than French, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, and strongly lobbied for by the German government and the new member Austria, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":
-In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" svith "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! !
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than French, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, and strongly lobbied for by the German government and the new member Austria, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":
-In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" svith "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! !
Page:
BEER STUDY
Yesterday, Scientists suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should reconsider their beer consumption.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologise when wrong.
No further testing is planned....
Yesterday, Scientists suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should reconsider their beer consumption.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologise when wrong.
No further testing is planned....
If anyone reads the Private Eye they have a good part where readers end in pictures of bad use of grammar or whatever some have been:
(Picyure of cafe and pet shop next to each other)
Fry Up: £3:50
Rolls: £1
Drink: 80p
(sign on pet shop looks to join onto cafes)
Special offer on gold fish: 2 for £1
Dogs and Cats also on offer
(Picyure of cafe and pet shop next to each other)
Fry Up: £3:50
Rolls: £1
Drink: 80p
(sign on pet shop looks to join onto cafes)
Special offer on gold fish: 2 for £1
Dogs and Cats also on offer
Another one from a church:
"This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)
"This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)
In a warehouse, a ladder was stolen. A sign was put up where it was supposed to be.
"If the ladder is not returned immedietly, further steps will be taken."
"If the ladder is not returned immedietly, further steps will be taken."
In the small print on a bottle of dog shampoo:
"This product has not been tested on animals"
"This product has not been tested on animals"
Written on a Japanese made kitchen knife:
"Please keep out of children."
"Please keep out of children."
I believe I saw a catering company advertise:
"You've tried the best, now try us!"
"You've tried the best, now try us!"
This is a true one... a sign found on a church door.
Emotionally Depressed Society meeting tonight 8:00PM.
(Please use side door.)
Emotionally Depressed Society meeting tonight 8:00PM.
(Please use side door.)
Bronzefinger:
I read all these in a joke section called "Global Village"
not long ago......
They're funny though! :D
I read all these in a joke section called "Global Village"
not long ago......
They're funny though! :D
That's very good Bronzefinger.
Here's another one from my brother Jim:
Subject: From Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 In the background while attempting to run my favourite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!!!!!!
Thanks, A Troubled User.
REPLY: Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception among men. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run EVERYTHING!!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes Dear to alleviate software augmentation.
Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults' (GPF's). You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF's are cyclical.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Remember the system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPF's.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck.
Tech Support
Here's another one from my brother Jim:
Subject: From Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 In the background while attempting to run my favourite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!!!!!!
Thanks, A Troubled User.
REPLY: Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception among men. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run EVERYTHING!!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes Dear to alleviate software augmentation.
Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults' (GPF's). You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF's are cyclical.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Remember the system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPF's.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck.
Tech Support
Page: