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Hi guys again, I am quite nervous of posting this on here but I thought you needed something a little light hearted and different to the usual short stories!
This is what I dream of doing one day writing stories for little kids in poetry form.. so please read and open the inner kid inside.. and constructive critism please?? ok! Love ginge x
Quiet Little Boy.
In a quiet little village
In a quiet little place
Lives a quite little boy
Who is fascinated by space
On a clear quiet night
He would lay on the grass
Gazing ahead and counting the stars
With a pair of binoculars
For as far as he could see
He’d calculate and navigate
The whole galaxy
From the edge, to the edge, of the edge
Of the night
He’d uncover and discover
With such delight
That when he shut his eyes
He would dream
Of riding shooting stars
Bright orange and green
He’d bounce and pounce on the
Side of the moon
And watch the fiery glow
Of planet Neptune
He could play with Martians
On a planet called Mars
And teach them football and baseball
And how to play cards
And teach them of earth
And its oceans and mountains
And all of the good things
Like sweeties and family outings
He could sail on a boat
On the Milky Way
While eating cookies
And drinking lemonade
Watching comets and meteorites
As big as the lands
He could smile and wave
At passing spaceman
Then drift back to the night
And lay on the grass
Just gazing ahead
And counting the stars
For in a quiet little village
In a quiet little place
Lives a quiet little boy
Who is fascinated by space!
This is what I dream of doing one day writing stories for little kids in poetry form.. so please read and open the inner kid inside.. and constructive critism please?? ok! Love ginge x
Quiet Little Boy.
In a quiet little village
In a quiet little place
Lives a quite little boy
Who is fascinated by space
On a clear quiet night
He would lay on the grass
Gazing ahead and counting the stars
With a pair of binoculars
For as far as he could see
He’d calculate and navigate
The whole galaxy
From the edge, to the edge, of the edge
Of the night
He’d uncover and discover
With such delight
That when he shut his eyes
He would dream
Of riding shooting stars
Bright orange and green
He’d bounce and pounce on the
Side of the moon
And watch the fiery glow
Of planet Neptune
He could play with Martians
On a planet called Mars
And teach them football and baseball
And how to play cards
And teach them of earth
And its oceans and mountains
And all of the good things
Like sweeties and family outings
He could sail on a boat
On the Milky Way
While eating cookies
And drinking lemonade
Watching comets and meteorites
As big as the lands
He could smile and wave
At passing spaceman
Then drift back to the night
And lay on the grass
Just gazing ahead
And counting the stars
For in a quiet little village
In a quiet little place
Lives a quiet little boy
Who is fascinated by space!
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Who cares its praise!
:) thanks
:) thanks
And I can see why you had to quote that all there?
thankyou for your critisms guys!
I found the rythym makes the reader emphasise the phrasing which is essential in children's poetry, if you read it flatly it doesnt work, i couldnt fail to read it aloud without changing the tone of my voice and hanging on syllables.
Childrens poetry should bounce, if you get stuck in pattern of reading so does your voice.
Childrens poetry should bounce, if you get stuck in pattern of reading so does your voice.
Oh and well done on the GAD.
Well, yes, I was kind of assuming that it was a poem (and, hey, assume makes an ass out of u and me, as an old boss of mine had delight in saying again and again).
Anyway, to the point, what I meant was that even in non-rhyming poems, the lines have to fit in a certain pattern and have to sound right. So this means that you need to read your poem aloud emphasising the syllables. You can get away with joining some syllables together and counting them as one, as long as you can say that word all at once within the context of the poem though.
ie:
In a qui et li ttle vill age (8)
In a qui et li ttle place (7)
Lives a quite li ttle boy (6)
Who is fasc in a ted by space (8)
On a clear qu iet night (6)
He would lay on the grass (6)
Ga zing a head (4)
and counting the stars (5)
Not only this (yes, there's more), but the stress on syllables has to be correct as well for the poem to flow.
ie
In a quiet little village
dum-dum-dum-dum dum-dum-dum-dum
So perhaps (and this is just a suggestion, mind) the first 2 verses/stanzas could be:
In a quiet little village,
In a quiet little place,
Lives a tiny little boy,
Who is mesmerised by space.
On a clear and quiet night,
He would lay out on the grass,
Gazing up above him,
and counting all the stars.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to how you read the poem and how other people are going to read it. The lines above might not suit your initial idea, but a Thesaurus is a wonderful tool!
Anyway, to the point, what I meant was that even in non-rhyming poems, the lines have to fit in a certain pattern and have to sound right. So this means that you need to read your poem aloud emphasising the syllables. You can get away with joining some syllables together and counting them as one, as long as you can say that word all at once within the context of the poem though.
ie:
In a qui et li ttle vill age (8)
In a qui et li ttle place (7)
Lives a quite li ttle boy (6)
Who is fasc in a ted by space (8)
On a clear qu iet night (6)
He would lay on the grass (6)
Ga zing a head (4)
and counting the stars (5)
Not only this (yes, there's more), but the stress on syllables has to be correct as well for the poem to flow.
ie
In a quiet little village
dum-dum-dum-dum dum-dum-dum-dum
So perhaps (and this is just a suggestion, mind) the first 2 verses/stanzas could be:
In a quiet little village,
In a quiet little place,
Lives a tiny little boy,
Who is mesmerised by space.
On a clear and quiet night,
He would lay out on the grass,
Gazing up above him,
and counting all the stars.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to how you read the poem and how other people are going to read it. The lines above might not suit your initial idea, but a Thesaurus is a wonderful tool!
Lil Ginge wrote:
> It is a poem i suppose.. but it is a poem with a story a tale...
>
>
> I would like it to be layed out in a little book with pictures! So
> one stanza is at the bottom or top with pictures to follow!
>
> OOO i want!
You could even do at as a flash presentation with soft background music, maybe a narrator, and pictures flying left, right and centre. That would be taking your already great idea over the top though. :-)
> It is a poem i suppose.. but it is a poem with a story a tale...
>
>
> I would like it to be layed out in a little book with pictures! So
> one stanza is at the bottom or top with pictures to follow!
>
> OOO i want!
You could even do at as a flash presentation with soft background music, maybe a narrator, and pictures flying left, right and centre. That would be taking your already great idea over the top though. :-)
ßora† §agdiyeV wrote:
> Lil Ginge won a GAD!
I feel vindicated, well done miss ginge, absolutely deserved.
> Lil Ginge won a GAD!
I feel vindicated, well done miss ginge, absolutely deserved.
Brilliant, congratulations on the GAD by the way. :-)
It is a poem i suppose.. but it is a poem with a story a tale...
I would like it to be layed out in a little book with pictures! So one stanza is at the bottom or top with pictures to follow!
OOO i want!
I would like it to be layed out in a little book with pictures! So one stanza is at the bottom or top with pictures to follow!
OOO i want!
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