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"My return of the king review (may contain spoliers)"

Well, i have to say that this was a marvellously entertaining film, i held off going for a pee until my hands went numb, but i still felt a little let down.

This film is by far the most removed from the book, and i think the spirit of the film suffers for it. Having Sam leave Frodo seemed to add an unneccesary complexity to the tale, and as for Gollum trying to poison Frodo against Sam i thought it a bit pointless.

But still, the battles are incredible, almost rousing me out of my seat to shout a battle cry. But then they made it look like minas tirith was made out of Lego, and if the first 5 minutes of the siege of Minas Tirith were anything to go by, the city should have been levelled in half an hour at most.

I could rant on about the various bits of the book that were left out, but it would take some space, and if the film is still good anyway, then whats the point?

Oh, and take some tissues, there were quite a few people who were left blubbing.

*nods*
That's the finale.
Frodo (Don Cheadle) meeting Saruman (Phillip Seymour Hoffman doing a double role)

"That's that Ring-Man"
"That's that? Says who?"
"I've got a love in my life so powerful and that makes me strong"
Sam (Hoffman in too-tight gaberdine) "I just wanted to kiss you Mr Frodo"
"Why Sam?"
"I'm an idiot, a stupid fat idiot, idiot...idiot"
"That's that"
Then orcs fall from the sky, John C Reilly and Alfred Molina set off fireworks in silk dressing gowns and Luis Guizman runs out of Barad-Ur in his pants and an open hawaiian shirt shouting "Fuckhoo mang! Gimme dat ring you sumbeetch"

Oh, and William H Macy as Quiz Kid Faramir.

Excellent, I'd pay to see that.

Possible Sandler capering around as Actually Funny Comedy Gimli.

Goatboy wrote:
> Hoffman as Sam (a la Boogie Nights
> clothing), trying to snog Frodo on Mount Doom and saying "I'm an
> idiot, a big fat idiot, an idiot".

Hahahahahaha

"I would say that is that, Mr Frodo sir"

Stryke wrote:
If they had John C Reilly
> and Denethor and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the mutoid-faced orc
> captain, it'd be complete.
---

Genius.
I'd love to see a Paul Thomas Anderson version of LOTR.
Luis Guizman as Gandalf "Mang, dis ring is da nasty sheet!" and John C Reilly as Frodo with Hoffman as Sam (a la Boogie Nights clothing), trying to snog Frodo on Mount Doom and saying "I'm an idiot, a big fat idiot, an idiot".
And Julianne Moore as Arwen. Topless and crying.
With Burt Reynolds as Saruman, replete with big fright wig and chain.

I'm going to write LOTR by Paul Thomas Anderson right now.
Cheers for the inspiration

I'm too young to remember Goonie Sam. I think it's funny that it's such a regonisable cast without being all that famous. It's practically always the supporting characters that make a film, and this film is full of that type of actor. If they had John C Reilly and Denethor and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the mutoid-faced orc captain, it'd be complete.

That was part of the reason that keeps me at a distance from these movies.
I see Sam & think "Go on Mikey, take a hit from your inhaler and talk about One-Eyed Willoe".
Or expecting Agent Elrond to do kung-fu and Magneto to spin around in the CGI sky, whilst Saruman goes vampire-mental.
And Yozzer Theodan, I so badly wanted him to mount his horse and say "Storming of Helms Deep? I can do dat, go on, gissa Orc"

Smith would've got off the ship and killed them both. As would Magneto.

Now that would be a worthwile plot-twist.

"Oh! Mr Frodo!"
"Sam - I'm coming!"

"Touch my precious"

etc

I'd debate that. In the book, you're pretty sure Sam and Frodo are platonic only. In the film I was expecting them to go at it in the Grey Havens.