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"Masturbation"

I've been staying with guests for about three weeks now, which is great fun and fantastic of them to give me shelter and sometimes food lovely.

But I've been polite. I've decided to, er.. refrainfrommasturbating while in their homes.

It's driving me insane. I feel like someone's slung a sledge hammer between my groin.

The first week or so was fine, my back's being a real pain at the moment, and I managed to trap nerves and stop my lower body from feeling anything at all. Er, that wasn't on purpose.

But every now and again the pain seeps away and I'm left with not-numbness, which results in a strange and animalistic attraction to the closest female. Oh dear.

On Saturday I'm going to a Thunder gig in Astoria, London... and hopefully, by Monday, I'll be back home.

This is insane. If it wasn't for my admitted f**ked up spine, I don't know how well I'd be doing here.

If there was a point to me telling you this I'd tell you, but I guess if I snap and start murdering every last one of you, please forgive me, I'm just frustratingly horny.

Oh dear, now I can't stand up.

Blank wrote:
> "Fancy a shag?"
> "Aww, aren't you- what did you say?"
> "I'm ultra-horn right now, fancy some?"
> "What? No."
> "I have two weeks to live."
> "Go on then."

I have considered that approach in the past ...

:-O

Mystique wrote:
> "TIMMARGH!!!"
> "what?"
> "TIMMARGH!!! TIMMARGH!!!"
> "oh...k...."
> "TIMMARGH!!! TIMMARGH!!!"
> "Take me you fool!
>
> It could happen.

*wipes tears of laughter from face*

Timmargh wrote:
> That's my life - believe it.

Just say shag instead of pint then.

"Fancy a shag?"
"Aww, aren't you- what did you say?"
"I'm ultra-horn right now, fancy some?"
"What? No."
"I have two weeks to live."
"Go on then."

Timmargh wrote:
>
> That's my life - believe it.
*****
Try just screaming "TIMMARGH!!!" in her face.

"TIMMARGH!!!"
"what?"
"TIMMARGH!!! TIMMARGH!!!"
"oh...k...."
"TIMMARGH!!! TIMMARGH!!!"
"Take me you fool!


It could happen.

lol

"Fancy a pint?"
*silence*
"Excuse me! Fancy a pint?"
*silence*
*Timmargh taps girl on the thigh, girl looks down*
"Oh, sorry!"
"That's okay. Fancy a pint?"
"Awwwww! Aren't you sweet!"
*girl ruffles Timmargh's hair*
"No chance of a shag, then?"

That's my life - believe it.

Insane Bartender wrote:
> Insane Bartender v3.0
>
> "Fancy a pint?"
> "Yeah, alright"
> *remembers Mojo tactics"
> "I have muscles, look!"
> *unzips fly*
> "Sod the pint, barman, give me vodka. NO YOU FOOL! THE
> BOTTLE!"
> *IB watches by as girl drinks herself to death*

Was necrophilia implied, or did I add that bit myself?

Mystique version:

....



*Tumbleweed rolls past her feet*

Insane Bartender v3.0

"Fancy a pint?"
"Yeah, alright"
*remembers Mojo tactics"
"I have muscles, look!"
*unzips fly*
"Sod the pint, barman, give me vodka. NO YOU FOOL! THE BOTTLE!"
*IB watches by as girl drinks herself to death*

Mental note; refresh the page before posting.

I'm a mong.