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I've been staying with guests for about three weeks now, which is great fun and fantastic of them to give me shelter and sometimes food lovely.
But I've been polite. I've decided to, er.. refrainfrommasturbating while in their homes.
It's driving me insane. I feel like someone's slung a sledge hammer between my groin.
The first week or so was fine, my back's being a real pain at the moment, and I managed to trap nerves and stop my lower body from feeling anything at all. Er, that wasn't on purpose.
But every now and again the pain seeps away and I'm left with not-numbness, which results in a strange and animalistic attraction to the closest female. Oh dear.
On Saturday I'm going to a Thunder gig in Astoria, London... and hopefully, by Monday, I'll be back home.
This is insane. If it wasn't for my admitted f**ked up spine, I don't know how well I'd be doing here.
If there was a point to me telling you this I'd tell you, but I guess if I snap and start murdering every last one of you, please forgive me, I'm just frustratingly horny.
Oh dear, now I can't stand up.
But I've been polite. I've decided to, er.. refrainfrommasturbating while in their homes.
It's driving me insane. I feel like someone's slung a sledge hammer between my groin.
The first week or so was fine, my back's being a real pain at the moment, and I managed to trap nerves and stop my lower body from feeling anything at all. Er, that wasn't on purpose.
But every now and again the pain seeps away and I'm left with not-numbness, which results in a strange and animalistic attraction to the closest female. Oh dear.
On Saturday I'm going to a Thunder gig in Astoria, London... and hopefully, by Monday, I'll be back home.
This is insane. If it wasn't for my admitted f**ked up spine, I don't know how well I'd be doing here.
If there was a point to me telling you this I'd tell you, but I guess if I snap and start murdering every last one of you, please forgive me, I'm just frustratingly horny.
Oh dear, now I can't stand up.
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Blank version v2.0:
"Would you like a drink?"
"Who's asking?"
"Actually, that was gramatically incorrect. Still would be, were you to say it again. To correct it you would have to-"
"Fuckoff."
"Would you like a drink?"
"Who's asking?"
"Actually, that was gramatically incorrect. Still would be, were you to say it again. To correct it you would have to-"
"Fuckoff."
Damn you Goat!
Bless.
Mystique wrote:
> It'd work too.
>
> (And most likely has done many many many times)
---
Damn straight.
I'm not going to completely reveal my scripts, because it's taken years of refinement.
Needless to say that little one contains all the elements needed to end up with boasting material the following Monday:
Politeness, comedy, oafish sexism, suggestion of prowess and the indicator that it will be a one-time only thing.
Although IB's made me laugh because I have no doubt that's how it plays sometimes.
I've done that.
Best confidence restorer if you get shot down?
"Fancy a pint?"
"Get lost"
"Sorry you misheard me, I said yout ass looks like Belgium in that dress"
"You fu-"
"G'night"
> It'd work too.
>
> (And most likely has done many many many times)
---
Damn straight.
I'm not going to completely reveal my scripts, because it's taken years of refinement.
Needless to say that little one contains all the elements needed to end up with boasting material the following Monday:
Politeness, comedy, oafish sexism, suggestion of prowess and the indicator that it will be a one-time only thing.
Although IB's made me laugh because I have no doubt that's how it plays sometimes.
I've done that.
Best confidence restorer if you get shot down?
"Fancy a pint?"
"Get lost"
"Sorry you misheard me, I said yout ass looks like Belgium in that dress"
"You fu-"
"G'night"
Blank version:
"Fancy a-"
*Wo-man doesn't hear and wanders off*
"Fancy a-"
*Wo-man doesn't hear and wanders off*
Insane Bartender version:
"Fancy a pint?"
"Yeah alright"
"Look at them, over there. Ha!"
"Who?"
"Those filthy, repugnant swine. The gibbering philistines littering the pub like a cancer. Look at them laughing, joking along like a pack of retarded hyenas. Pathetic fools are a disgrace to humanity."
"Those're my friends you t*sser!"
"So.. you count yourself among the flabberghasting hordes? The self-interested masses tumbling through life unaware of their purpose, and without care for any greater need than their own?"
"What are you on about?"
"Can I touch your boobs?"
"Get lost you freak."
"Can I have that pint back?"
*splash*
"That's not what I meant.
"Nobhead."
"DIIIE DEVIL QUEEEN!!!!"
"Fancy a pint?"
"Yeah alright"
"Look at them, over there. Ha!"
"Who?"
"Those filthy, repugnant swine. The gibbering philistines littering the pub like a cancer. Look at them laughing, joking along like a pack of retarded hyenas. Pathetic fools are a disgrace to humanity."
"Those're my friends you t*sser!"
"So.. you count yourself among the flabberghasting hordes? The self-interested masses tumbling through life unaware of their purpose, and without care for any greater need than their own?"
"What are you on about?"
"Can I touch your boobs?"
"Get lost you freak."
"Can I have that pint back?"
*splash*
"That's not what I meant.
"Nobhead."
"DIIIE DEVIL QUEEEN!!!!"
It'd work too.
(And most likely has done many many many times)
Seduce and destroy.
*Salutes*
(And most likely has done many many many times)
Seduce and destroy.
*Salutes*
Goatboy wrote:
> Goatboy Version:
> "Fancy a pint?"
> "Yeah alright"
> "I can see your nips in that top"
> "You what?"
> "What? They look like jelly tots, fantastic! I love
> sweeties"
> "You're disgusting"
> "Only if you ask nicely"
> "Who do you think you are?"
> "I'm the bloke you'll badmouth to your mates because I made you
> orgasm like the 1st time and never phoned you again."
> "You reckon?"
> "Only one way to find out"
> "Go on then"
> "Good girl"
So wrong but yet....so perfect.
> Goatboy Version:
> "Fancy a pint?"
> "Yeah alright"
> "I can see your nips in that top"
> "You what?"
> "What? They look like jelly tots, fantastic! I love
> sweeties"
> "You're disgusting"
> "Only if you ask nicely"
> "Who do you think you are?"
> "I'm the bloke you'll badmouth to your mates because I made you
> orgasm like the 1st time and never phoned you again."
> "You reckon?"
> "Only one way to find out"
> "Go on then"
> "Good girl"
So wrong but yet....so perfect.
Mystique wrote:
> don't read her poetry and nail her.
--
Heh
Grix Version:
"Fancy a pint?"
"Yeah alright"
"The beads of condensation ran down the glass, much like my fat would run down you ar-"
"Ok Keats, I'm leaving now, you scare me"
"But but..the kittens! And flowers!"
"Go tell it to Plath"
"But I'm sensitive and want to listen to the rain fall as we lay there"
"No, I want you to grab handfuls of my hair and ride me like a pony"
"...not even a limerick about a tortoise? I'll animate it"
"No, I'm leaving now."
"...now I am forced to write a lengthy rhyme expressing my inner torment and the unjustness of the world using petals as a simile"
Goatboy Version:
"Fancy a pint?"
"Yeah alright"
"I can see your nips in that top"
"You what?"
"What? They look like jelly tots, fantastic! I love sweeties"
"You're disgusting"
"Only if you ask nicely"
"Who do you think you are?"
"I'm the bloke you'll badmouth to your mates because I made you orgasm like the 1st time and never phoned you again."
"You reckon?"
"Only one way to find out"
"Go on then"
"Good girl"
> don't read her poetry and nail her.
--
Heh
Grix Version:
"Fancy a pint?"
"Yeah alright"
"The beads of condensation ran down the glass, much like my fat would run down you ar-"
"Ok Keats, I'm leaving now, you scare me"
"But but..the kittens! And flowers!"
"Go tell it to Plath"
"But I'm sensitive and want to listen to the rain fall as we lay there"
"No, I want you to grab handfuls of my hair and ride me like a pony"
"...not even a limerick about a tortoise? I'll animate it"
"No, I'm leaving now."
"...now I am forced to write a lengthy rhyme expressing my inner torment and the unjustness of the world using petals as a simile"
Goatboy Version:
"Fancy a pint?"
"Yeah alright"
"I can see your nips in that top"
"You what?"
"What? They look like jelly tots, fantastic! I love sweeties"
"You're disgusting"
"Only if you ask nicely"
"Who do you think you are?"
"I'm the bloke you'll badmouth to your mates because I made you orgasm like the 1st time and never phoned you again."
"You reckon?"
"Only one way to find out"
"Go on then"
"Good girl"
Insane Bartender wrote:
> I often wonder what would happen if the whole world was forced not to
> have sex for a month.
>
> The wars that would be triggered...
True, I think some of the most prolific leaders/warlords etc also had the horniest desires too.
I won't start a war unless I have to, I promise. Breastsbreastsbreastsbreastsbreasts
> I often wonder what would happen if the whole world was forced not to
> have sex for a month.
>
> The wars that would be triggered...
True, I think some of the most prolific leaders/warlords etc also had the horniest desires too.
I won't start a war unless I have to, I promise. Breastsbreastsbreastsbreastsbreasts
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