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I am a lookin for the best joke around! Do u have a joke that crack's u and u'r mates up??? I want 2 hear about it short or long! Corny or rude I want 2 hear it! I will start u off with a joke or two!
Man walks into a pub and says " I'll have a a pint of u'r special flyin lager plz barman"
The barman says "ok" The man drinks the lager and jumps out the window flys round the pub and cms back in the window! I man watchin this asks for a pint of the same lager! He drinks it and jumps out the window! SMASH! He falls 2 the ground! The barman says " Superman u'r a ba***rd when u'r drunk!
I have another 1!
A man walks into a bar in Texas and and says 2 the barman in shock " Is that Georg Bush and Collen Paul???? The barman says "Yea that's them! So the guy goes over 2 tem and ask waht they r talkin about George replys " we are talkin about the soon 2 b war on iraq! The man says "OH!!! Whats going 2 happen in the war?" George replys " we r going 2 kill 20,000 iraqes and a blonde women with big boobs!!!"
The man was shocked "Why r u goin 2 kill a blonde with big boobs??"
George says "C I told u no 1 cared about 20,000 iraqes!
Tell me what u think of my jokes aswell!!
Thanks
Man walks into a pub and says " I'll have a a pint of u'r special flyin lager plz barman"
The barman says "ok" The man drinks the lager and jumps out the window flys round the pub and cms back in the window! I man watchin this asks for a pint of the same lager! He drinks it and jumps out the window! SMASH! He falls 2 the ground! The barman says " Superman u'r a ba***rd when u'r drunk!
I have another 1!
A man walks into a bar in Texas and and says 2 the barman in shock " Is that Georg Bush and Collen Paul???? The barman says "Yea that's them! So the guy goes over 2 tem and ask waht they r talkin about George replys " we are talkin about the soon 2 b war on iraq! The man says "OH!!! Whats going 2 happen in the war?" George replys " we r going 2 kill 20,000 iraqes and a blonde women with big boobs!!!"
The man was shocked "Why r u goin 2 kill a blonde with big boobs??"
George says "C I told u no 1 cared about 20,000 iraqes!
Tell me what u think of my jokes aswell!!
Thanks
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How many Bishysmurph's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
108.
108.
Q: And these stairs, do they go up also?
i larfe
i larfe
AfroJoe wrote:
> Bishysmurph wrote:
> Collen Paul
>
> Hahahahaha.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
> Bishysmurph wrote:
> Collen Paul
>
> Hahahahaha.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Cubist wrote:
> Great jokes no? :D
No.
> Great jokes no? :D
No.
Things people actually said in court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How old is your son-the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "where am I Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well I can see pretty well I think.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played horn for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, do they go up also?
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How old is your son-the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "where am I Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well I can see pretty well I think.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played horn for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, do they go up also?
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
I have two jokes that always make me laugh and they both involve David Beckham. Ok here's joke number 1 -
Posh and David Beckham walk into a bar and David asks there barman "Do you serve women here?" and the barman says
"No you have to bring your own" !
lol!!!!!
Joke number 2 -
David Beckham, The Pope, Nelson Mandela and a 12 year old girl are all on a plane. Unfortunately it becomes inevitable that the plane is going to crash and there are only 3 parachutes. Well Nelson Mandela says he is an icon all around the world for black civil rights and so on so he gets a parachute and jumps out, David Beckham says he is admired and idolised around the world for his amazing footballing abilities so he gets one and jumps out of the plane and finally the pope says "I've had a long life and I am ready to be with god so you can have the last parachute" but the little girl says "No don't worry David Beckham took my school bag"
LOL!!!!!
Great jokes no? :D
Posh and David Beckham walk into a bar and David asks there barman "Do you serve women here?" and the barman says
"No you have to bring your own" !
lol!!!!!
Joke number 2 -
David Beckham, The Pope, Nelson Mandela and a 12 year old girl are all on a plane. Unfortunately it becomes inevitable that the plane is going to crash and there are only 3 parachutes. Well Nelson Mandela says he is an icon all around the world for black civil rights and so on so he gets a parachute and jumps out, David Beckham says he is admired and idolised around the world for his amazing footballing abilities so he gets one and jumps out of the plane and finally the pope says "I've had a long life and I am ready to be with god so you can have the last parachute" but the little girl says "No don't worry David Beckham took my school bag"
LOL!!!!!
Great jokes no? :D
Now your the dumb Blonde HHAT :D
so true, so true
Belldandy wrote:
> The craziest Col! wrote:
> I am a joke.
>
> More like an evolutionary warning.
lol
> The craziest Col! wrote:
> I am a joke.
>
> More like an evolutionary warning.
lol
The craziest Col! wrote:
> I am a joke.
More like an evolutionary warning.
> I am a joke.
More like an evolutionary warning.
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