The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
I have tried writing poetry in the past and have won a competition or two in the past but I have been asked to attempt to write a poem for a National Poetry Day competition. It can be no longer than 16 lines long and has to fit with the theme of "Transformation". I have decided to do a poem about the transformation from one season to another but am having serious doubts about my poetry. I am not allowed to receive any help in writing it but if any of you could read it and give an honest opinion (maybe telling me what you like best, what you don't like, what you think I should expand on etc) then I would appreciate it. Anyway I'll post my poem here and await your constructive criticism -
Seasons
As I walked along the river bank one exotic summer’s day
I could feel the changes, see the changes and sense the changes too
I could hear the river trickling through the rocks
Dancing around the pebbles
The smell of life drifted through the air
The bittersweet smell of pine
The smell of flowers
Even the most common weed contributed to the aroma
Tulips surrounded by Roses
Daffodils partnered with Daisy’s
And thousands of combinations that were never there before
I remember when the ground as white as paper
The wind was like a freezing slap across my face
The branches of the once fruit full trees were bare
All accept the pine trees
They were the only things that was evergreen
Seasons
As I walked along the river bank one exotic summer’s day
I could feel the changes, see the changes and sense the changes too
I could hear the river trickling through the rocks
Dancing around the pebbles
The smell of life drifted through the air
The bittersweet smell of pine
The smell of flowers
Even the most common weed contributed to the aroma
Tulips surrounded by Roses
Daffodils partnered with Daisy’s
And thousands of combinations that were never there before
I remember when the ground as white as paper
The wind was like a freezing slap across my face
The branches of the once fruit full trees were bare
All accept the pine trees
They were the only things that was evergreen
Page:
That's encouraging Locky lol Seriously everyone just post your wokr in the thread if and when you want :D
Ineedsleep wrote:
> Can I repost my first ever effort at a poem? I did it a while ago on
> here but got no replies.
>
> * fills up and grabs a tissue.
The thought of you filling up a tissue makes my eyes water:D
> Can I repost my first ever effort at a poem? I did it a while ago on
> here but got no replies.
>
> * fills up and grabs a tissue.
The thought of you filling up a tissue makes my eyes water:D
Please do
Can I repost my first ever effort at a poem? I did it a while ago on here but got no replies.
* fills up and grabs a tissue.
* fills up and grabs a tissue.
I'm just waiting for this thread to be deleted. I have however created "The Official Poetry And Hai-ku Thread !!!" so feel free to post in there :D
I directed it at whoever forgot to include punctuation :)
I wrote a poem for Gaotboy. but if I post it here I'll get banned :(
I've already asked Snuggly and am simply waiting for a reply so we can get started. Anyone who has any Poetry or Hai-ku get them ready for posting:D
It does indeed Edgy...you're not directing that at me are you!?!? :S **searches through poetry frantically**
Rosalind wrote:
> That would pretty good. In my opinon.
Okay, do it (I'm so easily swayed)
> That would pretty good. In my opinon.
Okay, do it (I'm so easily swayed)
Page: