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No
Is there anyway I can be special, Is there any achievement I can make that would make me feel that I was worthy enough to go out among people with pride and confidence. At this point I have to say no. I don't think that my life will ever amount top anything that will make me proud of myself.
I'm very up and down. I'm so amazingly happy one minute, and then I find myself on the floor crying the next. I'm finding it hard to express exactly what I'm feeling today. But I need to get this off my chest and for people to read it.
I want to be amazing. I want to make a difference. I want for the world to grieve for me when I die. I want attebtion. I want love. I want friendship. I really want friendship, and someone to talk to, someone who understands and won't judge me. But I can't reach out to the people I know. Its not the way I am. So I sit here and tella bunch of anonymous readers my deepest feelings.
How sad is that?
No
Is there anyway I can be special, Is there any achievement I can make that would make me feel that I was worthy enough to go out among people with pride and confidence. At this point I have to say no. I don't think that my life will ever amount top anything that will make me proud of myself.
I'm very up and down. I'm so amazingly happy one minute, and then I find myself on the floor crying the next. I'm finding it hard to express exactly what I'm feeling today. But I need to get this off my chest and for people to read it.
I want to be amazing. I want to make a difference. I want for the world to grieve for me when I die. I want attebtion. I want love. I want friendship. I really want friendship, and someone to talk to, someone who understands and won't judge me. But I can't reach out to the people I know. Its not the way I am. So I sit here and tella bunch of anonymous readers my deepest feelings.
How sad is that?
Anyway, I know what you mean about being remembered when you die. I want that to happen when I snuff it.
Not sure what I'll be famous for, but I will be, one day.
I'm amazing enough for both us. Perhaps I stole your amazing-ness somehow?
Anyway, onto a more serious point I've thought of:
You're in a relationship, if I remember correctly. Shoudln't your other half make you feel all the things you listed? Loved and happy etc?
If you make good friends in your life then you will be remembered. If you get famous, you'll get a little slot on the evening news when you die that people will see on their TV and then ask someone else in the room where they remember you from...
I just can't talk to him. I don't want him to know how I feel at the moment.
It's sometimes SO much easier to tell strangers your deepest feelings.
Reasons? I don't know. You don't have to be worried about being judged right there and then.. in the face.
I remember telling someone I'd met for 5 minutes my deepest feelings, stuff I've never told anyone.. I was drunk of course.
You're amazing. Everyone is in their own special way.
> You're amazing. Everyone is in their own special way.
Exactly. I'm amazing in the same way that everyone is. So on fact I'm the same.
I don't want to be the same. And I don't want to be amazing in a BUPA way.
A question I asked myself more than a thousand times, and there are two answers to this:
1) Of course not. Who am I to indulge in such self-satisfying arrogance? I'm nobody. No-one knows who I really am. I could have been something great, but life just isn't giving me the chances. I'll be forgotten in a matter of days, and in time, even my parents will shrug, pack away the photos, and pretend I never existed. I have lived a wasted life, and I really don't see the point in living in a world where everyone has eyes, but no-one can see.
2) Of course they will. I tend to forget that I have met so many people in the years I've been on this earth. My parents, for a start, could never forget me, as I could never them. My partner, whom I love, would never forget the times we've shared, and while I would want her to move on after I'm gone, I know that she will consider our time together as great, and use it as a basis for building her future.
The friends I've known in my 24 years may eventually forget my name, but they'll keep the experiences when I cried on their shoulders, and when they cried on mine. The times we had, the fun we shared, the advice we gave eachother and the experiences we had that built the foundations for what I and they have all become. I have been a factor in the lives of a hundred thousand people, good or bad, right or wrong, and of those, it is inconcievable that none of them will remember me.
Last year, the first answer was the one that made sense to me. Now, I favour the latter. And to be honest, I think I'm suffering similar problems to you. Similar, but not the same, since I've boiled mine down from near suicidal depression to lack of motivation, where as long as I'm kept doing something I enjoy, I'm fine, but as soon as I have nothing immediate to do, I want the world to fall in on itself.
Self-belief is everything, and I've dedicated this year to building some up for myself.